My H has had no contact with the OW now in almost 3 months. Last night he went to a hockey game with a friend, had a few too many beers, and called the OW at intermission. Fortunately he got her voice mail and left her a message about how he was missing her, thinking of her, etc.....He told me everything when he came home including that he doesn't know how long he can stay with the family just because it's the right thing to do. He is so in love with her.<BR> <BR>She called his cell phone today and left a message saying she was very confused and didn't know what to think. Later he did come home and change his cell # so she can't reach him. He did this on his own which made me feel good. This has been very embarassing for him to do as he is a veterinarian and the phone is how the office reaches him and he has now changed the # 3 times since July.<P>He says he will keep working on us but has such strong urges to contact OW. I tell him that overall we are early in the process (3months) to give up, or for his feelings to change much. The counselor is just starting to go through grief and loss with him for the OW. <P>He is also telling me excuses like that I have such high morals and principles that I live my life by, and that he just can't live up to that with me and my family. But for the last 16 years it hasn't seemed to be an issue. He says her standards and expectations are not as high, she is "wilder" and I'm more of a goody two-shoes. I have no idea where this comes from. He also says he doesn't know if he can commit his life to Christianity like me. Is this all an identity crisis at age 39? For the last 16 years he has always seemed so strong and in control and my source of strength. Boy have we flip-flopped all of that!<P>He does have family issues to work through---his dad died when he was 15 and he has never grieved that, he then lived alone off and on for 3 years when his mom started to date new men. He has alot of abandonment issues from that and says he has never been able to rely on anyone else in life. Well, here I am at his side through this whole ordeal with no plans of going anywhere, I just wish he could appreciate that!<P>Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I am avoiding LB and being so supportive that when I look at us objectively I almost can't believe what I'm putting up with but I love him and want to grow old together!!!<P>------------------<BR>

It sounds like mid life crisis to me plus a few other problems mixed in to make matters worse.<P>I'm in the same boat, my w who said she became born again in H.S. now doesn't care if she goes to church or not, now takes a liberal view of the bible. <P>She also said she want's to dress sexier and wants to do more things, go places, not spend so much time and money on the home.<P>I'm not sure if she really thinks we can do this with 2 small kids and a mortgage and home to take care of. I hope thats still part of her fantasy land and realize that whiel we can increase some of the fun thins and refinance, we still have the kids to take care of.

Hi Jenn,<P>Wow, your husband is really putting you (and himself) through the ringer isn't he? whew!<P>I see some good signs here amidst all the yuckiness. 1) he told you about the contact. honesty!! 2) he changed his cell number. trying to recommit to no contact!!<P>Obviously he's still addicted to her. In a moment of weakness (being drunk), he contacted her. I told you that might happen. It's totally ONE DAY AT A TIME, like an alcoholic. Now, since he's contacted her again, like you said, he's taken a large step back in his recovery of withdrawal. He just has to start all over.<P>This whole questioning thing that he's going through, these are some of the typical things that betrayers think. I know I went through alot of the same thought processes. Having an affair totally messes up what you thought before. He's questioning everything he previously thought about himself. His morals, his faith, his ability to be a good person. All that stuff is called into question. Eventually he'll work through that stuff.<P>Don't worry, when he gets on the other side of the withdrawal, he will appreciate greatly that you were by his side!!<P>--andy