Why are you referring to your actions as if they were part of Plan A? You are in Plan Doormat, not Plan A. Regardless, you shouldn't be focusing on anything other than exposing your wife's affair at this point.

Fettucini Alfredo cannot save your marriage;
Flowers cannot save your marriage;
Movies with the kids cannot save your marriage;
Cleaning, laundry, etc. cannot save your marriage;
Obsessing over your wife's text messages cannot save your marriage;
As long as you continue enabling your wife's affair, nothing can save your marriage.

If you truly want to save your marriage, stop enabling her and expose the affair. Exposure can save your marriage.

Did you ever bother to get the contact name & phone number your friend's friend used to call HR? You said you were going to do that on Monday.

I am advised by my lawyer to take no further action on my own regarding exposure. I will have to trust that enough has been done with the anonymous tip and the phone call I made. I wish I had done this all when D-Day happened. I am going to have to see what the hearing brings on Tuesday. Until then I gather my evidence together and organize it for presentation to the court.

That's another excuse. My lawyer told me I can tell anyone I want and it's not defamation or slander because it is true. Sounds like another excuse.

Mijunleigh

Lawyers always give advice in order to cover themselves legally. What kind of lawyer would ever advice you to expose?? Lawyers avoid conflict and want to do the least amount of work possible. Try asking your lawyer to send an official letter to your WW company regarding inappropriate conduct of their employees.

Try asking your lawyer if its a good idea to engage in a text debate with your WW. I guarantee he would advice you against it yet you did it today.

Do you know any lawyers who save marriages or know how to survive an affair or even just Give advice that they have tried and followed themselves in order to save a marriage from a WW?

You can keep doing it your way and getting nowhere or you can listen to advice given by the members of this forum who truly follow an expert successful psychologist in this field.

I don't appreciate being lied to by you regarding work exposure earlier today. You stated you sent a letter and now in your latest post you state you consider a phone call and gossip passed on by a friend as exposure. That's not exposure and you know that by now.

Like many before me on this thread I am no longer interested in helping a person who isn't willing to do the basic steps of this program to save their family.

I'm sending the sincerest best wishes to your kids who have a very painful road ahead of them as they are dealing with two foggy parents. One who cheats, manipulates and lies and one who just isn't strong enough to do anything apart from analyse meaningless details in order to avoid doing anything to truly help them.

You didn't even bother to ask for an email address when you were on the phone with HR? Also, a few hours ago, you wrote "Her company is owned by a private equity firm which buys distressed companies and resells, dismantles, or restores them. I sent to the only address for them I could find." If you sent a letter to the firm which owns her company, why did you just say that the only workplace exposure was an anonymous tip and a phone call?

x2

I did send a letter to the only address I could find, I just don't think it'll go anywhere.

It seems random strangers are more invested in saving your marriage than you are. Your being feeble and your WW knows this and will keep running over you.

TD, if anything changes here, would you pop me a flare on your thread, or send me an e-mail? Thanx!

I'm sick of being called a liar today. I did send a letter to the only address I could find for them. I know workplace exposure is my most effective tool to end this affair, I just don't think the morally bankrupt individuals I'm dealing with will do anything about it before my marriage is dissolved. Right now I have 0 hope of any reconciliation post divorce. I know I should have gone nuclear in the beginning, I know I have enabled. I'm doing the best I can to stop it.

Sure thing NG. Do you have a crystal ball? How do you know they won't do anything unless you try effectively? If you try and nothing happens you will have peace of mind instead of shudda cudda wuddas. Expose that's the only thing you have to do a full blown thermonuclear explosion exposure.

NG, TD, JC you are all right about nuclear exposure. My trickle has been ineffective. It has all been done eventually, and poorly. I can't think of anything more to do along exposure lines. I will have to wait and see if anything comes of what has been done. Maybe it will not fall on deaf ears. What should my next step be?

That is not true, Mijunleigh. You still haven't sent an exposure letter to your wife's workplace.

You could have sent exposure letters through the mail.
You could have gotten email addresses from the HR person with whom you spoke, and sent exposure letters via email.
You could have shown up at the office and hand-delivered exposure letters.

You could have gotten the workplace exposure done in a fraction of the time you've spent coming up with excuses not to.

You cannot jump to the next step without completing the first step.

sigh...It's been a while and Ive been silent to long.

Yesterday was eventful to say the least. I took my wife to the hospital. Checked her into the psych ward. She was released and is staying at a crisis center for a few days, then goes into intensive outpatient psychiatric treatment while living with her parents. They asked her if she wanted me to be in the room with her at the hospital and she actually described our relationship to the social worker as: "Imagine falling off the edge of a cliff. He's always there to catch me and pull me back up again, but he's the one who is standing at the top coaxing me off the edge."

She's making it out to be that I caused her to break because I kept pushing her. I just refuse to give in to her demands for custody and no longer accomdate her lifestyle. She says she feels unsafe around me and in our home because I have chosen to install a security camera to watch the house when I'm away and the kids when I'm out of the room. She says I'm erratic because I try to be nice to her, then get upset when she leaves to go see her POSOM or not come home or says she want to do something special with DS because he doesn't see her much(aka sit on the couch and send texts to POSOM).

Yet I'm the one she asks to take her to the hospital, and she was the one flirting with me for 2 days "to be nice and keep things friendly." If you can't stand being around a man, and the very thought of him touching you makes your skin crawl. Would you act flirtatious? Would you do things you know would attract him. Would you wear clothes which accentuate your "features"? Would you let him gently push you over onto the couch and a few seconds later fall on top of you. Would you say "I knew you were going to do that," then ask him to please get off of you. Then when he walks back to the other couch would you turn to the security camera and say "see he beats me" and smile about it. Is that really the action of a woman who feels threatened and nearly raped? Would you ever set foot in that house again even though your children were there? Let alone spend the night in the house even if your door is locked? I'm so confused right now.

Please tell me you're documenting everything?
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

My wife used to complain about her head hurting and said she would go to the hospital but never did.
I suggest you ask for a Guardian ad litem for the kids.

I am documenting. I need to read that thread to make sure it's up to standards. But I started doing that at the suggesting of my atty.


I'm not really sure what you're saying here JK. Is there other reasoning for the ad litem? Something I'm obviously missing. My whole family believes she's manipulating. I am certainly skeptical.

I sat with her in the hospital all day, then drove her to the crisis center at her request because she didn't seem to want them to come to our home. They even asked her if she wanted me in the room while being interviewed by the social worker at the hospital. She used a "metaphor" to describe our relationship:
Imagine you're at the top of a cliff and you fall off.
He's always there to catch me and pull me back up again.
But he's also the one at the top coaxing me over the edge.

For those who haven't seen it I've started a thread in the Plan D forum. Here.

Is there a reason for the ad litem?

YES! The reason is for the emotional well being
Of your children after divorce!

Your wife is an emotional wreck and sounds similar to my ex wife.
I have full custody BECAUSE of the ad litem!

Please tell your lawyer you want a Guardian ad litem for your kids!