I have been divorced 10 years i have two great kids one 20 and one 16. After the divorce 10 years ago i worked mostly and spent the rest of the time with my kids. 3 years ago i decided it was time for me. I met a wonderful beautiful woman on E harmony from Maine. I am from new york state. We dated for 6 months back and forth we fell in love and she moved to NY in August of 2011, we engaged and i put an addition on my house to accommodate her kids. We had some family blending issues and we worked through that. I lost my job 3 months after her arrival and that was very hard, i developed PTSD as a result of an abusive work situation, i went on workers comp. We continued to forge ahead, and our love i thought grew stronger every day. She wanted to get married right away and i wanted to wait a while to get through all adjustments and get back to work. There were some uncertainties that came up in the relationship from time to time, but i knew i loved her. I told her love takes time. We forged ahead. In november 2012 she went on a date with a guy she works with and did not tell me. I found out the next day. She denied it was anything more than a casual meeting at his church and he had been seeking her out for months, she also admitted that he was telling everyone he loved her, also his girlfriend came to her hair salon and wanted to know why she was breaking them up and that he was now in love with her. I became hurt and suspicious. She then said she was tired of waiting to get married, and that sparked her interest in this man. We did some counseling and got through this. We started wedding plans in January, bought the rings, the gown, the reception hall etc, i did. A few weeks ago she was up late on her computer until 2 am, i checked the history the next morning and she had been searching for this guy that she went on the date with on facebook. I confronted her the next morning and she said i was looking for an attorney by that name, i knew we were going to need one for prenuptial stuff. I stated people do not find attorneys on facebook. She agreed and latr that night admitted that she was just interested in looking him up. A few weeks later my 38 year old nephew died and i went to the funeral i was delayed getting home 6:15 pm, when i came home my best friends truck was parked outside my house, no one called me to tell me he was there. I went and got a coffee and came back an hour later and he was still there with my fiance alone, i wasnt concerned about him. I waited. 30 minutes later he left and i went in, she greeted me and acted like everything was fine, she could see i was upset, we had a slight argument over my friend being there for 2 hours alone with her, i left for the night and came back the next day. She informed me she was looking for apartment and was upset i didint trust her. Nothing i could do or say for two weeks helped. I love her more than life and i feel we are perfect together. Last weekend she moved completely out and i am devastated. She has no plans of returning that i can see, she took everything she came from Maine with. I want to hold hope, i just do not know what to do at this point if there is any hope, how do i handle this? Any help would be greatful, i love her and i want her in my life. Please help. I do not understand why someone would throw away something so beautiful.

Why did you stay out of your own house for two hrs? Then you complain the two of them were alone together? Anyway...

Your gf is not good marriage material and it's a good thing you know this now.

Because my previous wife had cheated and i caught her with a guy and after my fiance lied about the guy she went to church with i was afraid of what i might walk into, even though i was most likely wrong, i did something wrong too, but what i am saying is i dont feel it justifies cancelling a wedding, something does not add up. I am looking for ideas on how to handle this and maybe get her back.

Does anyone with experience have any ideas on here about what would cause a woman to cancel a wedding and move out over a little misunderstanding?

that's just the thing, mr, it's not just a little misunderstanding. it's something much more. if she's actually *cancelled* the wedding and moved out, she's already moved on. she just didn't tell you until the last minute. i'm sorry.

Sorry for your pain, mrmel. It seems to me that you are more in love with her than she is with you. This probably means she's done a great job meeting your emotional needs, and you may be missing the mark a bit on meeting hers.

Also, living together builds bad (Renter) habits. Have you read Dr. Harley's book on Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders? Check out the link of the same name on the Marriage Builders 101 forum. I think you'll find it insightful.

You might ask her why she's unhappy in your relationship and see if you can fix it. Typically for a woman, it'll be wanting more Affection, Conversation, Family Commitment, Financial Support, and Honesty. (have you read the Basic Concepts here?)

Otherwise, you should cut your losses, read everything on this website about building a great marriage, and you'll become irresistible to the next woman. Oh, and please don't live together before marriage next time - it's a recipe for marital disaster.

MrMel,

Because my previous wife had cheated and i caught her with a guy and after my fiance lied about the guy she went to church..... something does not add up. I am looking for ideas on how to handle this and maybe get her back.

You likely have never recovered from you WWs adultery, and you made a bad choice for your next partner, perhaps deep down you wanted to prove to yourself you can rescue a bad woman.

That something doesn't add up should tell you that you shouldn't want her back and should go into a plan B, no contact allowed, dating is a test and she failed.

She may be a serial cheater who needs a number of men in her life to keep her happy, which would be hell on you. Did she cheat on ex'es?

God Bless
Gamma

Have you seen this?
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

You love her more than life? You were perfect together?

Well, the evidence does not support her loving you all that much. The evidence does not support that *she thought* things between you were "perfect".

Clearly, you are mistaken.

This is grieving time.
Things did not work out.
Your life hit some unfortunate snags, and her loyalties wavered. She bailed out when life with you became difficult. She's weak.

Again, this is grieving time.

You have been advised to read Buyers Renters Freeloaders.
Please be advised it is a BOOK written by Dr Harley. It's a really good book.

Once you have grieved this loss, you will be smarter. You will see "signs" sooner and not try to overlook problems with sayings such as "Love takes time".

Please, continue to post.
This site can become very useful to you when it comes to preparing yourself for a better relationship than the one that you are grieving.

I think its right time to moved out from here and should should do that which is better for you in this situation .

No woman cancels her wedding over a 'little misunderstanding.' She doesn't move out, either, unless she has somewhere to land. I'm sorry, mrmel. I think she found greener grass. The good news is that I think you're better off without her. Count your blessings.

I'm with Marital on this. You should not try to get her back, nor attempt to contact her, nor speak to anyone about her, nor acknowledge her if you see her, nor answer/return her calls, nor maintain any thoughts about her except relief that you got out unharmed, and pity for a woman to have such abominable morals.

I think that sums it up!

(I'm assuming her moving out dragged her brood with her!)

Change your contact information, so she can't contact you.