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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Something about Facebook that many people don't know is that there is an "Other" inbox designed to recieve mail that might be spam and most typically messages from people not on your friends list. I don't think you can access it from the phone but you CAN access it from a computer. The OW's BS may not have even seen it. You should check his churches website to see if their is a direct way to contact him. In fact, if you want a message to be delivered to someone who is not on your friends list, just recently Facebook has decided you must pay $1 to get the message sent to their inbox. If you didn't pay this fee, your message was delivered to that spam box. Pay the fee and send the message again.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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OP
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I just resent the message on facebook and it didn't prompt me to pay the $1. I hope it goes through and he responds. I also did search for his email address and all that I can find is his school (also a teacher) email address. I really hate to use that method of contact because I do not want to put him in a bad position by allowing this to effect his job during school hours. I would be furious if someone sent me that kind of email to my school email address because then so many more people could have access to it. This is just so crazy. Just when I feel as though I've got a grip on things, I think of an excuse of some sorts as to why I shouldn't do anything.....uuuggghhh!
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jwb1981,
I really hate to use that method of contact because I do not want to put him in a bad position by allowing this to effect his job during school hours.
Every method of delivery is bad news, but it's better than never finding out which is what happens to most people! When is the best time to start curing cancer the answer is almost always NOW!
Imagine if someone had been kind enough to you to warn you of what was going on with your WH and OW two months ago, and there are nearly always witnesses.
God Bless
Gamma
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Remember, you can only control you. His response is his response. Believe me, I wish I was told BEFORE my WW became pregnant. DO IT NOW!!!!
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Thanks! I needed that last bit of encouragement to send it to his work email. I'm doing it now!
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Oh my goodness! I just got an email back from OW's husband. He has no clue the extent of the affair. I'm glad my husband has told me the little bit he did. The OW's husband knows nothing other than what I had told him in my initial facebook message, which was "They are having an affair".
OW's Husband says they aren't living together so now i'm positive the OW and my H are living together! I'm so hurt, mad, and sweating so much right now! Now, I'm ready to get the exposure plan going. THey have no remorse or concern for their familes!
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Be strategic.
Do not make your responses emotional or reactionary.
Exposure is not revenge. It is strategic.
Do you understand this?
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Oh, yes! I get it! I have been scared to expose because I thought things were moving forward. But now I see that they cannot move forward until exposure happens.
Also, do I let husband know that I've talked to OW's husband? and about the details?
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Think of like 2 people hooked on crack. You can't trust anything they say until they get off the pipe and get through withdrawal. It's the same here. Consider everything a lie unless you can personally verify it. H should have no input on your exposure. Exposure is your best/only tool to really stop the A. Remember, H doesn't want it to stop (dont take my crack awany man!!!). Tell him nothing about exposure. He will find out, but not from you...
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Wow good to see you are paying it forward. You got good advice J. Expose to everyone that has influence on your WS and also expose on the AP side all at once!
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Ok. I feel like I need some kind of medal or trophy for having the courage to do this. I exposed his employers also. I have already exposed to family and a few friends.
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Great job jwb!!!! Your trophy will be a recovered marriage if you continue to do everything you need to. Remember, he's not your H right now. He's been taken over by an alien. You have the only clear head and you are getting clear, experienced advice from people who want to help you BUILD you marriage. That is the goal.
Well done!!
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Oh my goodness! I just got an email back from OW's husband. He has no clue the extent of the affair. I'm glad my husband has told me the little bit he did. The OW's husband knows nothing other than what I had told him in my initial facebook message, which was "They are having an affair".
OW's Husband says they aren't living together so now i'm positive the OW and my H are living together! I'm so hurt, mad, and sweating so much right now! Now, I'm ready to get the exposure plan going. THey have no remorse or concern for their familes! Expose to the school principal, Super, and ask them to investigate the video surveillance at the school. I know that every school and state is different but in my state having SR in the school is grounds for firing (that is why they did a full investigation and we were both suspended). This also put my A to a screeching halt and was the start my defogging process (when I finally could see what I was doing the past few months). I know this sounds harsh and I honestly HATED the OMs wife after she did this, but I can now see the benefit of it. Your H will be furious!!! Just remind him that the consequences of this are because of his actions, not yours. EXPOSE!!!! Best of Luck, 15
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Got a response from their principal. He was "shocked" and said he would be calling me soon to discuss. I certainly hope the call isn't one of those "why are you contacting me about this stuff" type call. The principal is friends with the OW outside of school.
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Might have to go to the superintendent. Principal might cover it up because of the friendship.
Last edited by TranquilDark; 03/06/13 08:55 PM.
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Also have done well in dealing with my H all week but got very angry with him tonight after getting my feelings hurt. I'm a smart girl so it frustrates me that he can make me feel so guilty and to blame for all of this.
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Regarding exposure to the school, Dr Harley would recommend that you contact the school board.
You need to contact the school board in writing, certified mail and state that your husband is having an affair with ms XXX and that their workplace affair is destroying uour family.
This will ensure that the Board takes action and the school attorney will then be involved and ensure it is properly addressed.
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ITA on contacting the Superintendant. Exposure to only one person in the workplace leaves you vulnerable to having the affair swept under the rug. This is especially true if the principal is friends with OW.
Expose this in writing to the Super. Copy the letter to the school board. Also copy it to the principal, so he ses that he will not be ale to hide the affair for his 'friend'.
Have you read the exposure letter samples we have on this site?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm not going to lie. I'm scared to death to expose this to the employer. They are both middle school teachers!!! But, I'm a teacher too and know that gossip about affairs spreads quickly and everyone is probably talking about it behind their backs (since Husband says no one else knows). I have read all about exposure but am concerned about how it will affect our finances since we need his income and he needs to be able to get a job if he loses this one. I'm not scared that the exposure will keep us from saving our marriage because I think that eventually he will see the light. Just really concerned about finances.
I am about halfway through Surviving an Affair. Our marriage counselor recommended we read it last week. Of course, he probably won't read it but I feel like it was written just for me! And I think it would enlighten him, too! Very strange that I was drawn to your posts and as soon as you said they worked together I was waiting for someone to tell you to EXPOSE to the workplace. I was even more shocked when you said that you are all teachers. I am a teacher and my A started at the workplace with another teacher. I know you are scared to EXPOSE, but you need too!! Yes, you are correct, your H and this women are probably so foggy that they don't see what other people see. People probably already know. In addition, I pride myself in being a dedicated and good teacher. I can honestly say that last year, I was the worst teacher ever b/c I was consumed with my A and AP. My AP's wife exposed us to the Principal and Super Attendant of my school. We both were suspended, they had to investigate and he was moved to a different school. I almost lost my job but guess what....I deserved it!!!! My actions are what got me into that situation. On another thought, if your H is going to recover, there is no way that they can continue to work together....ever!! Just another thought I had is that your H was probably so upset by the move because he had to move away from HER! How long have they worked together? Do you know how long this affair has been going on? I am just reiterating this post to you. You need to expose and expose WIDE!!! MB is right, if you want to break up this affair, the entire district needs to know. If you demand an investigation and separation of the two, even if it does not happen it will expose the affair.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Might have to go to the superintendent. Principal might cover it up because of the friendship. Find out the superintendent's email address. CC emails of exposure.
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