Dude, what "epiphany" do you expect to be visited upon the woman that you are discussing? After all this time, with all the betrayals, self-inflicted harm, and dissipation of any/all moral grounding, are you still convinced that there will be a miraculous transformation in her beliefs and behavior?

You have to decide on, and stick to, a Plan.

A Plan A response would have been: Well, I just found out WW is in PR, presumably engaging in sexual congress with OM. I will have to await her return to resume my efforts to shower her in ENs.

A Plan B response would have been:............................(Who are we talking about?)

Plan TD has cost you a couple international phone call charges, several hours of your life, and a gallon(?) of stomach acid.

Your efforts to demonstrate WW's faithlessness to her family will yield nothing of value. You could prove her responsible for the Lindbergh kidnapping, cholera, and Hurricane Sandy, and their reaction would be, "You claim she is an evil, adulterous whore. That may be so, but she is our evil, adulterous whore." Wrestling with pigs is useless: The pigs enjoy it, and you get covered in [censored].

So........how is that $LB balance holding up?

This is why men Plan A for so long...they keep taking a kicking and can keep going. Their LBs seem to drain 1/100 of a penny per day.

That is why Plan A is different for men.

Plan A. NG, I will just have to wait and continue. BH I'm going mid April. KR I agree my LB$ isn't that low where Plan B will be needed. The intel I receive shows that she isn't in PR at all. I want to show her family this information, I feel that it might work but I'm wavering on this. Right now I'm not waiting for some epiphany I know that wont happen anytime soon. Just standing my ground and being calm, gentle yet firm with WW and this situation. This intel also helps me with the custody case as well. I knew what I would find but didn't think it would affect me this much. So, I plan on focusing on myself while she is go e and DS as well. Good news my mother who is a WW wants to write a letter to my WW explaining to her how she messed up her life looking for "lurve" instead of keeping her vows to my father. My sister, best friend and wife, and father as well. They all want to put their feelings on paper and want me to hand deliver them to her upon her return. I think this would be a good idea. Opinions?

I think it would be best for them to approach her themselves.
Coming from you, she will view it as you trying to educate her.
Remember, FOG = Irrational Thinking.

You maybe right in that aspect. I'll brainstorm something and post it. I'm thinking about signing up for coaching. Thoughts, on this? I'm on the fence because it seems to be more couples based not for the individual. Also, get the 2x4s ready I sent this to WW.

WW,

I understand your busy. I hope all is well in PR. Please let SS know DS and I miss them and he is in our prayers. You are as well. I'm not sure if your with POSOM or in Puerto Rico as you say. Please click the link and read the article in its entirety. I am still wiling to restore our marriage. I want to make a strong marriage where both of our needs are met. I have made some mistakes but nothing like the pain your inflicting upon our family. I empathize your need to be happy I truly believe happiness achieved by selfishness and pain towards the ones who love you isn't happiness but an excuse to be selfish and uncaring. Deep down you know that even though I don't know the dynamics of your affair I do know your suffering and I am not to blame. Please read this article that I attached to this email.

Closely, look at the behavior of this predator you are sinning with and yours. I don't know if your still consider yourself a Christian but do you 100% believe your walking a path of righteousness? I feel you know your messing up your life and more importantly our children's lives. It's ok to make mistakes but to sin and not show repentance isn't the way to be forgiven.

In order to be forgiven you pay back what you stole, destroyed, or damage. You asked me if I would forgive you? The answer is no to forgive is to say I'm ok with your behavior and dishonesty to our family and our vows before God. Forgiveness is earned not given. In order to earn my forgiveness, I will need you to end your adultery and come home and work on our marriage.

Through better or worse through thick and thin our souls are intertwined before Him. Ask yourself this did him and his ex-fianc� meet while be was still married? Is he in a rush to be engaged to you? Do you honestly believe he has your best interest at heart? Is he a caring loving father? I know you have stated that his ex-wife is/was an drug addict. What part did he play in that? Does his ex really keep the kids from him? If she is that messed up why doesn't he have custody or allowed to see them? Why does he a profile on a swinging website? Last I checked that isn't very Christian like. He has has that profile since he was 26, that puts him in a marriage to EX WIFE, an engagement to monique and a adulterous relationship to you. I put money he still has it and probably another child floating around somewhere.
Here is the link for the article:
http://media.affairrecovery.com.s3.amazonaws.com/docs/31reasons.pdf
Thanks for reading it and I care about you always

WW's reply:

TD don't email me about POSOM again. I don't care what you have to say or think about him after all they are all speculations. You filed for divorce which means you were done with our marriage and that regardless of what you think just give me permission to move on. All I want is for our divorce to be finalized and to have both my children back with me so they can be together. Stay off my business please.

My response:

You misunderstand, it's not about POSOM its about our family. I filed for divorce to protect me from your erratic behavior. You claim I'm an abusive person yet you have sex outside our marriage with another man? I do not want a divorce, but I refused to be in marriage where my wife wants to have a boyfriend and a husband. It's disrespectful to our children, you, and me. From your response you are with him right now. What sort of person gets involved with a married woman? What woman who deems herself a Christian do the things you are doing? I pray that God will touch your heart and open your eyes to your sinning. I asked you what is the worst thing a wife could do to her husband and its adultery. Please explain this abuse you claim. You ran off with our kids with his help. You hit me and was arrested. You had sex outside the marriage and openly flirted with other man with no shame, you keep SS from DS and I because of your affair. You are depressed because of your affair. Your business is my business we are married. I hope every time you look at SS and DS you remind yourself who their father is and will always be. I am a person whose feelings you ravaged as are your kids. You do this for what? Getaways and sex in hotels with a sexual predator? I'm sorry but you have me confused with someone else. Tell your boyfriend if I ever see him be ready to fight! The bible said what God has made no man or court can unmake. That is what marriage is. I'm sorry if you feel different now but in time you will see that we have something more than what you have with POSOM or any other man. God bless you and take care.

Your letters love bust BIG TIME. The DJs and educational pieces are not part of Plan A.

You either need to Plan A properly or go through with ending the marriage, in which case you can write anything you like, criticising her behaviour and insulting her boyfriend (accurate though those DJs and insults are) all you wish.

If you are in Plan A and really trying to save this marriage, then letters should be love letters. If you can't write a love letter then be quiet - you don't have to write letters at all. That was in no way a love letter.

You are absolutely correct. I failed in keeping my feelings in check. Should I apologize now of when I see her. As soon as I sent them I wish I could take it back. My taker took over for awhile and I tried to straighten her out. I'm going to maintain silence with her when I'm upset. Going to sign up for coaching today as well. I need some serious help to break up this affair. My hope isn't smashed and my LB is stable. I know I can do this but its so frustrating!

You need phone coaching at the moment. The online course only works when both spouses are completing the exercises. They are designed for couples to share with each other.

Signed up and start next week...

To what?

Phone coaching. Going to church now.

Church was awesome! Had a sermon on baptism and commitment. Getting baptized this Sunday I am so excited and humbled. WW emailed me and I replied with a simple I apologize and picture of DS and I at my best friend daughter's birthday. I'm still a mess but who isn't in this situation.

What did you apologize for?

The disrespectful judgements on the email I sent her.

Congratulations!
I was baptized when I was in my mid 40's.
It's a beautiful experience.
Enjoy.

Found out POSOM asked my WW to marry her and she declined. Because of her family aka her children. Is this good sign? I'm so depressed.

Well she can't marry until she's divorced.
The government won't allow it.
So how can she turn down an offer, and how can he make an offer that neither can fulfill?

I wouldn't place to much significance on the rejected marriage proposal for the reasons JK pointed out.

I was baptized at 12 and I still remember how it felt. Almost as if you leave everything in the water and come up new.. no exactly as if. God bless you.

Can't wait till it happens. I can't believe the audacity of this POSOM. Following the script just like his ex-wife said. BP and JK your right, it just feels so hopeless now. I'm sure I'm not the first BH to go through this, I mean who asks someone to marry them with all that baggage and more importantly IS ALL READY MARRIED! This SOB is a friggin' mess. Realistically, she said no and they got into email argument over it. Guess things got smoothed over but there is trouble in paradise. He also wants her to move in with him and his mom!

Hilarious! I have one of his pay stubs and he makes 15$ dollars an hour! I'm in the military making nice money! Here's another shocker, my wife likes to work she is by no means a lazy person. She must of passed this information on to him and he is sending her job applications for jobs that make more than him LOL. Classic lame "man". He wants her to make more money than him, get custody of the children for child support money and while he actively looks for a better job (yea right) she makes all the money while he spends it. Using a vulnerable, emotionally unstable woman to move out of mummy's house! Dr. H said during my radio show that I am a level above my wife and she may feel inferior to me. That's why she's with POSOM because she feels like an equal to him. That is dead-on! Anyways I am done ranting please pray for my family! Walls and doors!

How did you find this out?