Central office has been notified and investigation has started. They have asked for the emails I have that they exchanged. I feel uncomfortable giving those over. What do you suggest? Also how many details do I give them?? They have asked me some pretty specific qquestions.

Also, husband said today that he didnt want to spend time with me because it would give me the wrong idea (that we would get back together). Now Im thinking this is pretty hopeless and am really leaning towards filing for divorce. Is this behavior to be expected? Should I move into plan B since A seems a little pointless?

You should cooperate with the investigation and give the investigators anything they request

Completely expected. Plan A him for as long as you can. Is admiration one of his top needs? That might be the easiest one for you to fill. When and if you do go into plan B, you want to leave him with the best possible memory of you. Make sure you look good whenever he sees you. Stay in plan A until the dust from exposure settles. You may be successful in breaking up the affair, since it seems they kept it well hidden at school.

Turn over the emails and answer all the questions. Your WH and OW are not the first ones, I'm sure the committee has seen some pretty filthy emails. No need to protect him or her for that matter.

Have you exposed to anyone on OW's side? Continue the exposure to anyone who will put pressure on the affair.

Your question pertaining to plan B: the answer is YES.
You should enter plan B AFTER you:

Have found a friend to act as an intermediary;

Have written a plan B letter copied from the letter in te book;

And changed the locks on your doors.

You should also schedule an appointment with an attorney ASAP. You need the attorney to freeze the marital assets before he drains them.

Do you have a friend that is willing to act as an intermediary between you and your husband? In Plan B you can have NO direct contact with your husband.

I defer to the veterans on plan A versus plan B advice. If you have been doing plan A longer than 3 weeks then Jedi is right, you should go into plan B.

You should be going into Plan B right now. You should never have been advised to do plan A, since your H has left you and is continuing his affair.

Are your parents still living with you? Could they deal with the hand-over of the kids, so that you don't have to see H? He must not visit the kids in your home; he must take them out.

Yes, parents still living with us. But I have babies...one is 16 months the other is almost 6 weeks. Obviously, I can't just hand over the 6 week old to be cared for out of the house. And since he has been visiting a couple of times a week after work (and he works and now lives about 45 min away) he can't take the 16 month old back to his apartment then bring him home before bedtime. Would it be ok if I just went upstairs while he visited the babies here at the house?

Also, since I have no hard proof the affair is going on, I'm only assuming it is, do I still do Plan B??

Here.
How to Plan B Correctly

Yes, you do indeed still do Plan B, because he has left you and shows no intention of coming back and rebuilding his marriage. You must cut yourself out of his life and show him what divorce will be like.

No, you cannot stay in the house while he sees the kids downstairs. That is not removing him from your life entirely! If he has to become more-or-less a weekend father then so be it. He can see the children at his place for a few hours on Saturdays and Sundays - not overnight for the baby. If you can't leave the baby for more than two hours because you are breastfeeding then he can't have the baby for more than 2 hours. It was his choice to leave his newborn child, and to not be an effective father. Not spending time with her every day and not having her under his roof is the consequence of his choice. How did he ever think he was going to be a real father to her (or the toddler, for that matter) if he left for good? Does he think that visiting for an hour after work is effective fathering?

You need to make it clear that you will cut him out of your life and that seeing his children will be a scheduled privilege that lasts only a few hours a week, after that. If he cared about his kids he wouldn't be doing this. Do not do the caring for his kids for him. Do not facilitate his fatherhood. If he does not come back, your kids will be young enough still in a couple of years to accept someone new as a proper father, so the less they see of him the better if it comes to divorce.

Kids older than about 5 years should not be "fathered" by a new husband, and in fact Dr Harley advises not remarrying until kids are grown and out of the home. But the implications of what he says are that very tiny kids like yours can accept a new father without all the fighting that characterises blended family life.

I'm getting well ahead of things by talking about remarriage, but I'm trying to get you to see that the MB plans are strategic. They are not knee-jerk responses to immediate crises. Plan B must be done properly to prepare you for the detachment necessary for you to divorce him later, should he not come back within the next few months.

Thanks for the link, Brainy!

Just for clarification... Turn over COPIES of the correspondence to the school administrators; DON'T give up the originals or a copy for yourself!

Yes, you should be doing a stern Plan B.

As far as children exchange, if it comes to that, there is obviously no way a six-week old can be included in any shared custody, especially not one specifically ordered by a decree, so don't sweat that now.

Pursue the widest possible exposure - all of WH's family, his friends, lodge buddies, clergy, athletic teammates, fraternity brothers, EVERYBODY he looks to for support and collegiality.

And most importantly, start developing a harder skin as regards what actually would be the proximate cause for any damage/destruction that is about to visit upon WH and Skanky. YOU ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEMS. You would, at best, be an agent of the repair process CAUSED BY THEIR INFIDELITY. Got that?

You have to stay cooler than a polar bear's toenails as well. You have some awesome advice and a plan now! Don't waffle around and accept his wayward words or anger when it comes to execution. Plan, execute, and maintain! Remember being married to you is a privelege not a right. As well as him being a father to his children. Please don't take the previous statement out of context. If he wants to see his children, thats fine but do not facilitate it. Meaning, do not bend over backwards to accomodate him destroying your marriage. Like the posters have stated give him what a divorce will be like. Plan B!

Thank you for the wonderful advice. I'm trying hard to follow instructions and advice. How do I implement plan B and still do things out counselor is asking us to do? I.e. talk about love busters, conversation techniques, etc.

jwb. In plan B you go strictly no contact with your WH. So there is no talk. There isn't even any more counseling. Read link BH posted above.

Why talk about Lb's and conversation when your husband is committing ADULTERY? It's like a Dr treating a hangnail when your having a heart attack. Traditional marriage counselors have no idea how to treat couples experiencing adultery. It's a waste of your time and money. Your husband has to first get rid of his AP, then you can work on lovebusters and communication skills.

ok! thank you for clarification!

You're welcome.

jwb,

Did you read this? There are Plan B letter samples, parallel parenting and IM training school all in the thread.