I cried for weeks and things never got better.

Communication was not getting any better.

However, the tactics are futile as long as the alcoholism continues.

Your statement, showing a lack of knowledge about alcoholism and its characteristics, is what is causing the divergence in our advice, JC. NG: I am the child of an alcoholic and the ex-wife of an alcoholic. Don't tell me I don't know about alcoholism. I've dealt with alcoholics my entire life.

This poster will NEVER be a non-alcoholic. No kidding. He hasn't told us whether he is a recovering alcoholic or actively engaging in his addiction at the present time. In effect, his alcoholism will "continue" for the length of his life. Waiting for some arbitrary "end date" before fighting WW's infidelity would be useless. They'll be long divorced before his length of sobriety would extend to a point of predictable continuation.

Yes, G101 should be addressing his addiction - forcefully and stringently. He should also be fighting to save his marriage, not listening to anyone saying, "Until then, you're not worthy...." No one has said he isn't worthy until then. I said he isn't safe until then. If he is actively drinking and has untreated anger management problems, she could be putting her safety at risk by moving back in with him at this point. She has already told him she is afraid of him. There's a reason she is afraid of him.

We had a very similar problem here about a year ago (JNH). His self-confessed alcoholism also distracted the advisers here, who were eager to give his WW a free pass on her affair, from concentrating on his marital situation. I would hope we had learned from that. I've read every comment on this thread, and no one has said she should get a free pass for her affair.

(And, btw: G101's WW married him presumably knowing of his problem. So NOW she gets a pass to say, "I can't deal with this. Do me again, OM!"?) I seriously doubt she knew the extent of the problem when they got married, but even if she did, the Policy of Joint Agreement gives her the right to change her mind.

And, btw: G101's WW married him presumably knowing of his problem.

I was way over my limit and acted like a fool. She was scared and terrified as times before.

(But from a practical standpoint: Do you know many folks who go from "Carrie Nation" to "Carry me home" in two years?)

And, btw: G101's WW married him presumably knowing of his problem.

Whoa there. This is an unknown.

...which is why the word "presumably" was used. G101 will inform us of the truth.

(But from a practical standpoint: Do you know many folks who go from "Carrie Nation" to "Carry me home" in two years?)

Don't tell me I don't know about alcoholism. I've dealt with alcoholics my entire life.

I have no interest in your history, and it is frankly irrelevant to this discussion. You personally accused me of having a lack of knowledge about alcoholism, and said it was relevant to the discussion because it was causing me to disagree with you. As soon as I defended myself, you contradicted yourself, essentially saying "Your knowledge about alcoholism isn't relevant to this discussion."

You personally accused me of having a lack of knowledge about alcoholism...

That is a lie. Re-read what you wrote.

Having no handle on, nor interest in, your actual knowledge, I said (and would reaffirm) that your statement demonstrated very little knowledge about the pathology of alcoholic addiction. Regardless of what level of experience you have personally garnered in this area, if it were true that people cannot have the expectation of happy marriages while their alcoholism "continues", then no alcoholics could be successfully married, as their addiction "continues" indefinitely. I clearly distinguished between active addiction and an addict who is in recovery. An alcoholic cannot be successfully married while actively engaging in the addiction. That is because an active alcoholic is actually married to alcohol, and will prioritize it over his/her spouse. When actively engaging in the addiction, an addict will not follow the Policy of Radical Honesty and the Policy of Joint Agreement. However, when an addict is in recovery, he/she can follow those policies, so a recovering alcoholic can be successfully married.