I have thought about doing this.
However AlAnon meetings have taught me: Never make a threat you are unwilling to keep.
If I break down MY own boundaries, the alcoholic will only take advantage of my sympathy.

Well I thought I deleted her voice message but apparently it was still
On my iPhone (but deleted on sprint network).
I heard her first few words "I know I'm not supposed to call but...." and stopped listening.

I deleted all of the messages on my iPhone (I didn't know they were saved on the phone in addition to the network) and hers was the very last.
I was so tempted to listen. To hear what she called to tell me. Would there be remorse in her words? Anger? Sadness?

In the end i deleted it and am glad I didn't listen.

The kids and I prayed for ww and MIL tonight. I have explained alcoholism to them so they understand what is happening and we prayed that God would bless grandma and she would choose to stop drinking and enter a rehab program.

I found out that I had voicemails stored on my phone that were a year old!
I delete most.
I kept a few of ex ww yelling at me as a reminder for when I feel sentimental and wear my rose colored glasses.
I had hundreds of voicemails. I never knew I had to delete them from the iPhone itself.

I am glad I al away from that chaos.
I did a plan A during divorce , about 7 months.
I don't think I could do it any longer.

If I remember right, you've been down that road a few times before.

Is it court-ordered that your ex-wife have your phone number?

No. It is court ordered that she has free communication with the kids.
I have a house phone that is exclusively dedicated for that purpose.

Then changing cell numbers seems the easiest way to avoid any surprise contact when she decides to start using an unblocked number.

It's one less thing to worry with, you know?

I have been thinking lately, and I do not desire to remain unmarried for the next 12 years.
Dr Harley recently encouraged a single man to become friends with many women. Which, as Joyce commented, is completely opposite what is normally spoken of in MB.
How does a man become friends with women?

My interim proposed plan is as follows:

Become friends with women (preferably single moms which will help me get a single parent network I really need);

After 2 years of divorce, start dating.

Any thoughts?

I am aware of the high rate of divorce in remarriages; however someone recently posted that Harley said single dads that remarry but better percentile of success?

But as I read the book Atlas Shrugged I become more happy about life. I don't know if it's coincidence or a change in perception but I am starting to really enjoy to live!

I am broke and literally starting over in life but so excited!

I have a very religious background and was in a mostly sexless marriage for 10 years. I have been listening to the MB radio show daily for about 6 months and am very convinced that I could have a rewarding, sexually fulfilling marriage. As I read Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead I increasingly feel that I am the master of my destiny. I have a mind. A mind given to me by God. Instead of surrendering my fate to mysticism I can be the master of my destiny.

Edit: also after reading of the amazing story of Justthe3ofus and TQs story which is similar to my own, I have decided I would be open to considering reconciling with my ex wife IF she met MB conditions.
However lately I have been feeling much better and really indifferent to my ex wife's fate.
And she does have some sort of mental disorder. There have been posters that argued against this but In a recent visit with her sister (who has a masters in Psychology) the sister told me she believes ww sometimes has a hard time separating reality from her reality and that she imagines conversations. So in light of that I am accepting there have been serious mental issues present and not just "wayward fog" and that a condition for dating would be proper medical treatment and taking medication (and not just pretending to take it)

Maybe If she took medication she could follow the POJA?

Well I shared my plan on Facebook (my only friends on there are relatives).
These are the responses I got:

From cousin:
Cousin sounds like a good idea but do everything whenever you feel God is leading you in that direction

From Aunt:
don't even think of going backwards......think of your kids state of mind from a year ago and now.........keep them healthy

From Father:
Ww is a good choice you can spend your life moving and looking for a mold free house and the kids can drop out of school and eat cheerios three times a day and Ww can have her time alone time and sneak off to see the drug addict boyfriend and your alcoholic mother in law can live with you again.

From cousin:
Ditto what Father said...don't let being lonely pul you backwards!!

From father:
Jedi I know being alone with the kids is sad and lonely but you are a good father and person you will be rewarded with a fine companion sooner than you think and enjoy having no women nagging you for a while.Even the good ones nag.

From grandmother:
Father is right...don't even think of going "backwards" it would only lead to more grief, and who needs that???

From sister:
if you go back with Ww I'd punch you in hopes it would knock some common sense in! she's a a crappy mother that chose a drug addict over her own children!

It sounds like you have a caring family Jedi. Do they live near you? They must be a great support network if they do.

This is such a huge "if" that it needs it's own zip code.

I think this part of your post is a fine plan. The other part about reconciling with your wxw, no.

I never heard dr. Harley say single men shouldn't have female friends. That is generally the pool from which potential mates is drawn.

I met my dh through mutual friends.....mutual friends that we both highly respect and whose judgment we value. We both have kids and it does present challenges...but I am so thankful and happy to have my dh. He has been such a blessing to me and made my life so happy.

My mom also added to the comments on my idea:

"dating ww would only give the kids false hope ....WHY you would want to date the lying,evil [censored] is beyond me...if you do,then start starving your kids and tell dd8 she is a little freak so they can get used to being with their LOVELY mother.i agree with your sister...i will punch you .

I like your extended family, JK. I really like your mom

Yesterday, while in the checkout isle of Walmart, the lady behind me quietly told me that dd6 grabbed some candy and put it in her pocket.

I took it from my daughter and placed it back on the shelf.
In the car, I told her I know she was trying to steal it and that stealing is wrong and against the law.

I told her she would have no candy for the next 2 weeks, and no daily popcicle.

In the past she has stolen candy from her siblings.

Any thoughts?

You did what you needed to do.

Lots of children that age want candy and take it.

They just need an adult to explain that it is wrong and against the law.

Period.

Oh.....you could tell her to ask you for it if she wants some or could suggest she have an allowance for purchasing things she wants.

Aside from the POJA issue there are other things for you to consider.

Such as just how DIFFICULT recovery is. It's no cake-walk.

I just happened to read an old post by MarriedForever talking about how horrible Recovery was compared to the Plan B she just came out of. I thought "How true! Plan B has been wonderful for me compared to recovery".

And that's for a normal recovery. Add in other factors (such as if it was a LTA or serial cheating), that makes recovery that much HARDER.

For you the fact that there are problems with her family (xFIL supported her waywardism, etc) and that you have been through the hell of D with her. It's just so much more damage and resentment to overcome than the average A which is bad enough.

We had our son take the small stolen item back to the sales person, and apologize.

If I had to go door-to-door to every house in the country to find you, I'd punch you, too!

Hey Jedi,

Looks like you are doing fine!
I was surprised you were considering to take her back there for a moment. Good to see your family disagrees.

Maybe I can help with that after a good night rest.