I've gone through one class. Talking to my therapist now about why I regressed. She thinks I need a better support group. I spend way too much time alone, thinking, wishing.

Not a bad idea. It actually helped me a lot to get together with people who were going through the same things as me (divorce care class at church). Also since you are focusing on your personal development now might be a good time to take up a hobby that helps you relax. It might also double as an anger management tool you never know... and I don't mean video games

No, I'm not a gamer. I know a lot of people don't think I've changed, I truly feel I have. I look at my wife with a whole new respect and love. I did let myself get impatient and frustrated. I almost forgot why I'm in this situation. Papa bear was right, I started blaming her for my situation. I just wish she could see the love in my heart and realize that I would do anything to make our marriage work and to make up for all I've done.

I think I will sign up for the support group at church. I've very few friends and no family close by.

Church can be a great healthy positive thing to get involved with.
I've been very involved with my church during and after divorce and it has helped me a lot

Am I wrong to keep hoping and praying for my marriage or am I just fooling myself at this point?

I've gotten a lot of advice from people. Most of them telling me to move on with my life. Thats not what I want. I want my family back. I want my wife to love me again.

I don't think you are wrong for fighting for your marriage.
Your biggest problem is that you aren't a good fighter. You are like the untrained Iraqi military man that shoots himself in the foot.

People that tell you to "move on" ....probably have a philosophy that you can't change and if she can't accept you for who you are then just call it quits.

Dr Harley is an expert and he personally told you that you probably can win your wife back.

Your problem is that you want everything now. It took years to wreck your marriage. It will take some time yet before you can get it back. Patience. Get involved with the group at church. Improve yourself. Get a better job if possible. Do home improvements. Keep up your relationship with your children. Let your wife see you are serious about being a good husband and father. That will take some time. Meanwhile, avoid love busters and make occasional deposits in your wife's LB.

And if I were you I'd look into doing another more comprehensive AM course.

I've been talking to my counselor about why I let myself get so frustrated and reverted back to old habits. So we're working on it. We have the lawyers involved now and I hate every second of it. They're going to make this ugly I know it. I just got off the phone with my wife. I apologized for all of this, that I put her in this position. We're trying to come up with some kind of a schedule for the kids. I also let her know that I still was willing to do what ever she needed me to do to fix this, that it wasn't too late. I miss her and I miss my kids every second of every day. I think that's why I let myself get so frustrated, because she's the only one who can decide weather we're going to fix this. I wish she would let me show her how much I love her. How different our marriage could be. Our relationship all together. I know I haven't given her much of a reason to believe in any of that but its true. I know a lot of you on here have your doubts too. I'd like to prove everyone wrong. Especially if we both used the MB concepts. We could still save our family.

I'm glad you read the posts about the costs of sin on the "other topics" forum. I'm glad it may have helped.

I feel sorry for you. Why? Because my husband came >this close< to being exactly in the same pit of hell where you are standing. He told me he visualized me married to another man, a better man who was loving me and loving our children. That was his nightmare. Standing on the outside, looking in at all he'd lost. Not just lost, carelessly and stupidly and selfishly threw away.

I don't know if you can ever woo her back. No crystal ball here.
I do know that you have the responsibility to straighten yourself up and become the very best version of yourself.

The first thing you have to dismiss is any suicidal ideation. Those toxic thoughts are not the best version of yourself.
It begins : "Maybe everyone would be better off if I did not exist." The second you have that thought, you must have an alternative thought available.

Such as: "I am Daddy. My kids need me. I cannot abandon my kids."

You said that you miss your family "every second of every day".

How focused are you on what you DO have? Really? What blessings do your children bring? What blessings can you bring to your children today? Tomorrow? Next week? In 5 years? You have to stay engaged and focused on your kids. Not your faults. Not your weaknesses. Too much *therapy* is not all that helpful unless you are being given something else to think about other than yourself. Thinking about yourself is what got you in trouble. *Therapy* is especially a waste of time if you constantly look in the rear view mirror of your life and crash your car in the here & now.

How can you enhance the relationships within your family, and enrich their individual and collective lives? The way to woo back your wife might be to be the most amazing father. Every mother has available love bank deposits when it comes to the welfare of her children.

Whining is not an option.
Self pity is annoying.
"I hate myself" is not an active strategy to enrich the lives of your family members.

Did you feel it? I just kicked your butt.

Ditto!

Well dude there you have it. A plan! Execute enough wallowing in self pity. Women find it unattractive. Pep gave you some homework lets see it posted on here by Sunday. Enough woulda, shoulda, couldas, time for action.

Wow Pep, This is harder than I thought.

First and foremost I 'm going to continue to take my kids to church. It's been missing in all of our lives and it's something we can do together.

Next I'm going to try to teach them (at least those interested) how to play guitar. My son has shown some interest. The girls like to sing along at least.

Although money is an issue, I'm going to pick one weekend a month at least where I take them and do something extra. My next weekend with them I'm going to take them to an indoor waterpark for a day.

I'm also including their friends as much as possible. Even if it's just letting them come over and hang out. Even my 16 year olds boyfriend gets to come over. Supervised of course.

Wow Pep, this is hard. Ant help?

As a single dad I can offer a lot of suggestions.

Hiking.
Geocaching is really fun.
Zoo

There was a thread about events to do. I am going to find it for you

Edit: here is the forum about family fun: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=21&page=1

Thanks Jedi, There's a lot of great stuff on there.

We already do movie night on the weekends I have them.
There are some great places, pretty close, to go hiking too.
We all like to fish too, especially my son.

Pepperband's advice is great.

If you start to do positive things for the people around you, you will start changing as a person.
If you start doing things to be a positive influence, your children will notice eventually.

That does not mean they are going to cheer and tell you how good you are. After all, they are in puberty and are thinking a lot about themselves too. But in 10 years, thinking back about this time. You bet they will remember that their father stepped up to the plate and invented himself new. And they will admire you for that.

Isn't that how you want to be, a role model for your children? Just because you have trouble controlling your temper in certain situations. They know that. That makes it even more valuable if you can share with them how you have overcome that habit. They have to learn those things too. They will need it in the future.

I don't think it is a surprise that you have been falling in the same trap as before lately. The brain tends to do the things it has always done. Especially when you are stressed, the brain wants to easy into the old routine. It takes time and practice to change that.

Have you ever tried crossing your arms with the other arm first? In the beginning it feels really awkward. And when you are not thinking you will probably do it the old way. But after two weeks of daily practice, it will be as if you have never done anything else.

I wish for you to become the best you.

Happyheart

Thank you all for the great advice. I really am trying to stay focused in the right direction. I'm making reservations this evening for the waterpark for me and the kids, so it should be a fun weekend.

I'm not real sure how long it takes before I stop constantly thinking of my wife and how much I miss her, but my thoughts have changed. So have my prayers. I hope God helps her through this, to get where she needs to be. I hope God can help her find peace and forgiveness in her heart. Even if we never work things out I hope I haven't hardened her too much.

The kids were over last night. I'm trying to find the line between being their friend and being their father. I had to correct them about their manors at the dinner table and got a lot of rolling eyes back. I've seen a big change in all 3 of them. I've lived what they're going through and I know how hard it is for them. I pray an awful lot for them too.

It's funny how you reach for God when you're at your lowest.

You sound better.

Have you read "His Needs, Her Needs for Parents"?

Have you heard this one?
Radio Clip on Working Marriage while Separated

What do you think?