I would not send the letter as is...if at all.

Following the advice on the letter. Here is an update:

WW called and asked me what time to meet her at marital home so she can get her things. I told her the garage was open and she can start. By the time I got home she was loading her last box. She then took them to wherever she is keeping her things and came back to visit with DS. Other words get her cake eating on with me. Following Pep's advice I had nice clothes on (which is normal for me.) didn't play music though but on the way there I got her a gift card to her favorite coffee shop. We talked about an hour or so while DS played. She also stated I don't have any confidence when I pursue women. LOL like she seen me woo a woman before. I told her I am 100% confident when I asked her out for the first time and that's why we got married.

At the behest of DS, she came upstairs to the bedroom and laid on the bed and talked with me. I sprinkled compliments here and there and brought up happier experiences we shared. Smiling and compliments were reciprocated as well. "I really miss laying in my bed." This comment led to a small relationship talk that intiated. I stated one of the awesome responses I learned from this thread. "I refuse to stay in a marriage of three, however I am willing to create a passionate, loving marriage where both our needs are met and we WILL not be friends after divorce." She countered that she has to do this (affair) because if she doesn't she will look foolish for going this far. She feels I just want revenge and thats why I am pushing to save the marriage. I told her no and then changed the subject to something less charged. She looked worn down and stressed. She also claimed she has seasonal depression. I simply stated that she was renaming simple guilt over hurting the ones that love her most. Then shifted the subject.

When we were done talking, I asked her to email me when she got to where she was staying safe. She said that was her home and I countered her home was here with our family. She sent the email and said she was doing her hair. I asked how would she feel about sending me a picture of her hair when it was finished.

Overral, I felt confident and cool. Didn't LB (at least I didn't think I did.) Made some $$ deposits in her bank with the light fluffy convo. She lost track of time and I ended the conversation. I like to think I did this before she had her fill of "cake". Any thoughts? Things I could do better.

She wants to prove she didn't make a mistake.... ugh... they're all the same... foggy waywards. Plan A on point TD. I'm sure LB deposits are up.

Your response was good, by the way.


TRANSLATION:
"I'm a big mess and I know it. I don't understand why you still even want me."





Awesome job!
You came into this prepared and you maintained SELF control.

I tip my hat to you .

Hang in there ...

Thanks for the encouragment. I notice a trend when dealing with her. She would compliment me then suddenly remembered it was a compliment and proceed with a argument starter or a crictism. Is this yo-yo affect normal?

Is this yo-yo affect normal?

Dude, your particular species of WW is so far from "normal", she can't see normal from where she is.
Her behavior is so continuously self-destructive as to defy standard categorization!

I agree NG. Glad you haven't given up on me. My best friend's son had a birthday party at the bowling alley. We as a family are real close to them so I invited WW and she didn't respond. Best friend's wife and WW used to call each other sisters. We took a family phot and I sent it to her via text saying I wish you were here! An hour later she called to speak to DS. He kinda of blew her off and it upset me but that's the price for her affair. I think she is trying to one up me because of the birthday party lol. She didn't talk to me at all and DS hung up without saying the usual I love you. Felt bad for her but those are the breaks! I think the picture got to her.

The hardness of WW's heart is so unfathomable.
It's terrible to observe someone's decline into darkness.


Your WW's deception and hardened heart bring tears to my eyes.

There is still hope. Send more photos when you have the opportunity.

I wish I could offer you more effective comforting words.

Thanks for the attempt Pep. I was in church last week and the sermon was on commitment. Brought tears of anger and sadness to my eyes. I can Plan A and pray that my efforts will break through her hardened heart. It's really hard when I know how her relationship with POSOM will end. I really see her going to suicide for the answer. It's all just so messed and frustrating because i know if we work the MB program our marriage would be so MUCH better and we would both be happy. *sigh*

You are doing your best. That is obvious. She is lost in just about every way a woman can be lost. But, she is still alive, and people can/do change.
Will change come too late to salvage your marriage? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

I suppose your challenge is to avoid sinking into her hopeless pessimism.
I was actually thinking about you when I started a thread on 'other topics'.
Well, I was also thinking about myself, and one of my broken relationships.
Posting to you has opened my eyes to my own challenges.

Just finished reading mortarmans thread and WOW! He's an inspiration. I think I am going to go through plan a no matter what. I truly believe that my WW have a chance and I will fight for every inch. Till it adds up.

I believe you were recently baptized?
You are born again and that is a wonderful matter!
Pray to God for guidance in all that you do.read His Bible.
Jesus said, "Man shall not live off of bread alike but by the very Word of God"

A good resource is this forum in prayer requests ( near the bottom) there is a daily devotional.

God hates divorce and designed marriage to be for life.
Keep in plan A. You are doing a great job and make sure you keep sending letters and packages to step son

After reading the renters, buyers, freeloaders book I came to the conclusion I was a buyer after we got married and she was and still is a renter. When I got depressed about my job I failed to pay rent and LB units were slowly being withdrawn. It is a good read for all stages of life and thanks for the motivation. I agree totally about God's design about marriage. Mortarmans thread on husband and wives roles spoke volumes to me. I strive to live my life in that manner that is why I chose to be baptized.

TD - I am reading Mortarman's thread also. Really helps alot. Did you notice that he kept pushing his WW or trying to "steer the ship" in the beginning? And only after he pulled back did his WW start to come closer. It seems to be a continuing story on all the posts.

I AM @$#%^ MAD! Went to WW place of work, a department store. Had to get St. Patrick day shirt for DS, thought I could use this as a Plan A moment. When I went to her department and ask if she was at work her co worker stated that she was on leave due to her sick Grandma. So, I call WW acting like I didn't know she was out of town. No answer. She called me back in 3 minutes and I answer.

Me: Hello, (I used WW name)
WW: Hi, you called.
Me: Yea, are you at work? I was headed up there to get DS4 a shirt for St. Paddy's day for his school.
WW: I'm not at work.
Me: Well you want to meet us there? Are you out of town or something?
WW: Um, yes.
Me: Where are you?
WW: (long pause)
Me: Are you in PR?
WW: Um yea.
Me: How's your grandma?
WW: She's fine. (keep in mind grandma might not live to see June.)
Me: How's SS? Can DS and I speak with him
WW: No, where is DS?
Me: He's just fell asleep.
WW: (phone making white noise) Can I call you back later I am kind of busy now.
Me: Ok.

I used my brain housing group and called SIL. Asked her if it was ok if WW used her phone in order to call and speak to DS and DS and I to speak to SS. She said she doesn't live there anymore (with MIL I knew that) and she would head over there and call me back. However, she was somewhat surprised that WW was in town. Long story, short instead of seeing her terminally ill grandmother, instead of seeing her abandonded child she used them as excuse to lay up with POSOM! I am so furious, I had thoughts of calling her back and cussing her out for blatantly lying to me and DS for no good reason. Oh, and she never called! I don't know what to do right now? I worked out hard today and DS and I made lasagna together, played Xbox, and toy soldiers. I can't help but let my mind wander to WW and why she would do this.

Why do WW lie? Do they honestly think that BS are so friggin' dumb to believe anything that comes out of their mouths? Where is a good place to put a GPS tracker on a car? Anyone know what I should do when she does return and comes to get her cake eating on? I really wanted to throw in the towel today and say F it. I looked at DS just now as he was sleeping and SS empty bunk bed up top and that notion quickly evaporated. As of now I really feel the emotional weight of the saying, NO EXPECTATIONS. This is like a bad direct to DVD movie that I am trapped in. What stick should be applied to this latest trangression.

I am documenting everything as well. Guess, I need some affirmation or 2x4's not sure. This is emotionally draining, I am so pissed at her right now. I don't understand how you can throw away your life, vows, children and your own self respect for a fling that has no foundation other than complaints about your husband to lie with some slimy worm that uses bible quotes to get in your panties. How can you be so blind, deaf and dumb about destroying a 5 year marriage and wonderful children and a loving husband? When my anger recedes I guess its crying time....

I'm sorry.
My wife did the same thing.
Adultery brings out the worst in people.
It rots their soul

Just remember you can't control her actions.
You can only control your own actions and how you allow her actions to affect you

UPDATE:

After battling doubts of crying and anger, I gather myself and took another crack at getting more evidence of this horrendous act my WW has thrusted upon our family. I got some juicy intel that I plan on showing her side of the family when I go see SS and ill grandmother. I literally threw up. This guy is a piece of work and so is she. I plan on talking to SIL tomorrow and see what her reason was not to call back with WW so DS can talk with SS and WW. If she covers for WW, which I doubt, I know I have a neutral party that can be shifted to reason and logic. If she does lie then I know where her morals & loyalties lie. Her family is taking the firm stance of inaction and it sickens me. Seeing SS and grandma will be my primary objectives on this trip. Secondary and last objectives will be exposure of new evidence and demanding they take an active role aka being a friend of our marriage.

When is your trip?

So sorry TD, Waywards suck.