TD, I have been catching up on your thread and wanted to applaud you for doing an amazing job! One thing that I wondered about is the OM's GF. Where is she? Did you get her # from the X-wife? Did you try to call her? Does she know about your wife?

Thanks ML! OM Ex fianc� left him because I exposed to her about my wife. That's what prompted him to propose to my WW. Seems his ex was his OW during the last years of his marriage now he's repeating the behavior with my wife.

Well WW called and wanted to talk to DS before she went to church. It's amazing how someone can continue to live in sin yet decide the should go to church with their AP. The church haven't called me back. Tried again and left another message going to give up that avenue. After all the church got my exposure packages and should know of the situation. In better news getting ready to go to church now looking forward to it. Got a special event planned for DS and I as well.

Weekend was awesome. DS and I had a good time. In her voicemail WW sounded depressed and it made me wonder. Anyways, DS and I called her back but of course she didn't answer. It's so sad, looking forward to this weekend especially church. Nothing else to update. Lot of new posters on the threads and it hurts my heart to see people affected by adultery like this on a daily basis. Should outlaw adultery and make it a felony or something. Messed up society morals make being a player and adulterer cool.

WW called for DS I answered and DS didn't want to talk her.


WW: SS is happy but he said F you to FIL.

Me: What did you do to him?

WW: nothing I'm not going to whoop and discipline him while he going through things. Some days he's happy but he's mostly angry

Me: SS never acted like that when we were together

WW: *sigh* I know... He also got mad at me and scribbled all over my baby picture.

Me: He wouldn't be so mad if you would bring him home. This is not only hurting me but our children as well. DS had strep throat and now we are getting our tonsils taken out.

WW: let me know when that happens.

Me: Sure, how's your Grandma?

WW: She is fine and has pain in her ears. They did a MRI

Me: pain or ringing.

WW: Pain.

Me: when will you be in town I need your W-2s for the taxes and your signature

WW: Are you stupid? You need my W-2s to file jointly

Me: I know that's what I said.

WW: I worked at three different places don't you need those?

Me: yes but if you can't get them your Military w-2 will be easier and ill file with that one.

WW: I will fax them. At a kinkos

Me: to where my job?

WW: duh yes where else you don't have a fax.

Me: just making sure. Are you ok? Will you be here for Easter

WW: don't worry about me! I just got here I'm comfy. I don't want to leave I just got here.

Me: I worry because I care and take my vows seriously. Take care.

WW: thanks for letting me speak with WW.

Me: your his mom you can speak with him anytime I'm available. Bye

WW: (slight hesitation) bye.

From that conversation she isn't in PR with sick grandma or SS. There isn't a kinkos in PR. She also said she talked to SS and he ruined her picture if she was there that wouldn't happen. My fears are coming true SS has extreme anger at his mom and her family and has an unhealthy outlet for it. While she is ignorant and sexing up POSOM. DS has wrote her off, on the bright side I held my DJs and anger in check and handled it well I think. Really wanted to say more but would of been lovebusters. She tried to insult me to trigger an argument because POSOM is next to her. I didn't bite, long road ahead trying to be rock strong for our kids sakes. Any advice on how to handle this better? No response from the Harley's on my email.

Also got hit on today by three random women. Told them all I'm emotionally unavailable and Married! Felt good though to see my stock is still high. KUNDARIES ARE REINFORCED AND IRON TIGHT!

Wow. Nice.

I think you handled it well. I wanted to jump through the screen and to your WW.

for SS... Hang tough, my friend. You are one mentally tough soldier.

When did you send the email to the Harleys? If it's been longer than a week notify the MODS and they will notify the Harleys.

Make sure and tell them what email account. Is it the same account you are registered through the site?

Done.

Dr Harley & Joyce have been notified!

Thank you so much!

Dr Harley & Joyce asked you to resend the email. They did have some email problems a week or so ago & aren't able to find yours.

I sent them your MB name & email address so they will be looking for yours.

Thank you!

Email resent. Had a nice Easter! Spent time hunting eggs, cooking, and playing video games with my nieces and DS. Need some advice. My good friend who was in a 10 year affair has seen through the fog. Too bad it took him 4 kids and a failed relationship with his OW to see it. His wife as welcomed him back. I haven't spoke to him about it but would like to introduce him and his wife to this program. Should I just give him the SAA book or send him here first?

Sent WW pics of DS and I at church for Easter. Also, pics of us having some Easter fun wishing she was here. No call for DS or response to said emails. Interestingly enough MIL sent DS and I an Easter card. Inside it said god bless us and she would love DS and I forever. SS wrote in it as well, seems the proof is in the pudding and MIL is starting to see the real villian. Cause she never done anything like this before. It's sad but I'm not counting her as a friend of my marriage. If she was SS would be home and she would refuse to keep him while WW is acting like a loose teenager! Also mentioned in the email I got baptized and included a pic of it for WW. Hope everyone had a good Easter cause I did!

TD, does your friend have 4 kids with the OW? What is his plan to end contact with her? And does he have any kids with his wife?

4 kids with OW and 2 kids with wife. I'm going to talk to him today about NC if he really wants it to work. The OW claimed he cheated on her too. I haven't confirmed this with him its on the docket when we talked. I simply told her what do you expect he's married and with you. His whole situation is his fault and he knows it.

FYI - you need ALL of her W2/income to file, you can't pick and choose.

I used my status as her husband and got them. Forgot to update that. Thanks for the FYI

Did his wife know about the other 4 kids?
Was it a secret double life?
His wife is probably better off without him

Yes she knows they are all with the same OW. I gave him the book and a talk about it. He's been reading it.

Hey TD,

I've been catching up with your thread, and a few things have stood out since you began posting on 9-11. (How's that date for a coincidence?)

Your commitment to your marriage is admirable, and your children are very lucky to have you as a father. You are a first rate spouse, and your wife has been on a reckless path of self-destruction that she will regret for the rest of her life if she doesn't snap out of her fog.

Congratulations on your baptism. Google or Youtube the song "Baptism" by Kenney Chesney and Randy Travis. It captures the beauty and profundity of the sacrament.

I think your efforts at Plan A have been good, and I think it is a good idea to stick with it until the divorce is final. Like everyone else who must pass through the trial by fire also known as Plan A you have good days and bad days. Here are things you should be mindful of:

A) You reach points where you educate and moralize your WW. Be aware of this pitfall and stop doing it. It's very hard because what she is doing is foolish and immoral. If you need to vent, do it with us, but not with her. She is confronting the awful consequences of her actions already, and your moralizing and educating doesn't serve you well. Let the consequences be her teacher. Coming from you it will only turn her off. That is not to say avoid the stick of Plan A. Keep to your legal plan, which you have executed very well, and keep to the terms you have set for reconciliation. Just don't talk about them or the relationship until she is ready to come back.

B) Stop trying to get her family to intervene. You did this with exposure and have followed through, which was great. Your efforts and non-waffling with exposure are commendable. But by now her family knows what is going on, and they have taken the enabling approach as so many do. Reaching out to them for help at this point is counterproductive in my opinion. Just continue to model being a good father and keep them out of the fray unless they suddenly show a willingness to support your efforts.

So with A and B above, think of St. Francis of Assisi who said, "Preach the Gospel...and use words if you have to."

C) I think you should do your Plan A from a distance. I did this and it worked for me. Like you, my wife was out of the house. I gave her the choice of leaving the affair or leaving the house. She chose the latter. I struggled mightily with all the awful things she did and said, but I was able to deal with it more productively since she was away. Distance helped me avoid disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts.

During this time, I picked and chose opportunities to do nice things for her. I would get her soup when she was sick, I would text her nice messages on special occasions, and send an occasional love letter. You've done a great job with this, by the way.

But, TD, I never said, "I LOVE YOU." Why? Because I felt it would be a turn off to her. Plus I didn't feel like saying it after all she had done. Have you noticed that your I LOVE YOUS have gotten you nowhere? I don't think women respond well to men who cry and say I love you when they are being treated like dirt by the women to whom they are saying it to. They often perceive it as a weakness and women hate that in men from what I've read on this board and have observed from my own wife. So show her you love her with acts of kindness and caring, but imo it's not prudent to profess your love. I think women look for leadership from their men, and men who love unconditionally--who don't set limits and who allow others to walk all over them--are seen as weak and repulsive.

One more thing about the carrot of Plan A. Be moderate. Don't overdue it. Space out your acts. That will give them more impact and she will not take them for granted. The fact that she is away makes this easy.

I am not recommending a modified plan a. I am recommending you tone down things. Communicate less often, but make each communication count. This will minimize the drama she brings and help you to more easily avoid educating and moralizing, and it will help you manage your own emotions better. It will also show her that you can stand on your own two feet and will not necessarily be there at her beck and call. This will keep the embers of love she has for you alive even while she in the fog.

D) You have a great intuition for your WW's feelings. Yes, she is steeped in guilt and depression over what she has done. And a part of her still loves you. My FWW also sees this having read parts of your thread. I have learned from her that PRIDE, not just the addiction of the affair, affects WW's actions.

When I was going through this, someone here said that my old wife was still there, just covered by too many layers of fog. I doubted this and thought she was long gone, but I found out the MB poster was right. So keep throwing those pebbles in the river, TD. They are building up. Who knows if she will choose to cross the bridge. As NG has told you, "No expectation." In my case, I kept chucking them in, and by the time my WW was ready to cross the bridge I DIDN'T WANT HER TO. But eventually I came around.

E) I fear that some of what you are doing is enabling your WW. Whenever your WW shows signs of coming back you seem to drop your guard. If she does come back, the message she may be getting is that you will love her unconditionally. That should not be the case. She needs to know that if she comes back she can NEVER do this again. I know that you have set conditions for her return. Good job. And you have already done a great job of showing how you are going to be better husband, and that is what Plan A is all about. But she needs to see you as a strong man, firm and resolute.

In conclusion, you are doing a great job. I think if you tweak your tactics by pulling back a little your WW might find you more attractive and value more what you have to offer. Intellectually, she has to know that she has no future with this loser POSOM. (Her extremely bad judgment and lack of morals must be a huge concern for you moving forward.) Her relationship with this pond scum is based on pure fantasy. It can't last, and it won't.

Don't be so easy. When she senses that she could lose you--that you are not going to be her unconditional lover--she might snap out of it. Be loving and continue to meet her needs, but try and balance that with playing hard-to-get (or at least not so available). You may have to get through the divorce first for that to materialize. Good luck.