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One more question for you guys... I was digging through my old phone trying to find the name of the guy who inspired my original post. I found some text messages that discuss him being high and inviting her for a threesome (apparently he was also spending time with another deployed guys wife). Do you think I should tell him the name of this guy?? Or (since there's a new guy) should I just let it go?

If it were MY cheating spouse, I think knowing the name of the first guy would just distract me from doing what I need to do to take care of myself. I would obsess about the other person and be too wrapped up to come up with a solid legal plan.

But what would you want someone to do if YOU were the guy?

--------------

To answer your questions:


I did speak to him again. I know there's two sides to every story, but no one deserves to go through this.

I'm just trying hard not to let my anger at how she did me wrong (unrelated issues I didn't post about) color what I say to him and make things seem more negative than they were.

I mean, they were already negative enough but when we talk I feel ***MY*** anger over my ex and history I have with the lady involved in this case (like I said above, I DON'T want to be involved with this woman again).



And I did invite him to this site... he'd already seen it and said he was nodding his head at a lot of the SAA posts. I hope he will come here and post, if for nothing else to vent to people who've been through what he has.


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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Originally Posted by DaisyTheCat2
One more question for you guys... I was digging through my old phone trying to find the name of the guy who inspired my original post. I found some text messages that discuss him being high and inviting her for a threesome (apparently he was also spending time with another deployed guys wife). Do you think I should tell him the name of this guy?? Or (since there's a new guy) should I just let it go?

If it were MY cheating spouse, I think knowing the name of the first guy would just distract me from doing what I need to do to take care of myself. I would obsess about the other person and be too wrapped up to come up with a solid legal plan.

But what would you want someone to do if YOU were the guy?

You will want to tell him everything you know. Keep in mind this is vital information about his life that he needs to know. If you refuse to tell him, he will deeply resent it and will be OBSESSED with the truth.

This man is a victim who has had the truth about his own life stolen. That is cruel and manipulative. So tell him as much as you possibly can. I would also send him all of the text messages and anything else you have.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I agree. Also he's in the military, and so won't all of his WW's cheating APs help his case?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I would also send him all of the text messages and anything else you have.

Does anyone know how to pull text convos off an old phone? This is my old blackberry (no active service). I suppose I could re-type them for him.


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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Also he's in the military, and so won't all of his WW's cheating APs help his case?

Hm, I don't know. He says he was told in his state proving an affair doesn't help- everything still gets split 50-50.

I thought they'd been together long enough for her to claim part of his retirement (10 years) unless he can prove infidelity, but someone suggested that since they lived together for 5 of those years she is not entitled. He will have to check with the lawyer once he selects one.


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In case anyone is following this...he exposed her in a huge way. Because she insisted noting is going on, he made a website with texts, chats, photos she took with her camera and photos he got from a PI. He was really hoping this would shake her into working on their marriage. Even still, she insists there's no affair and he's making it up. Unfortunately, many people are siding with HER and so she is too caught up in the fog to wanna work on it. Last we spoke he is ready to move on.

My heart hurts for him, but since she has cheated several times now and she shows no signs of even acknowledging (let alone WORKING on) this problem, I think he will be better off in the long run.


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Originally Posted by DaisyTheCat2
In case anyone is following this...he exposed her in a huge way. Because she insisted noting is going on, he made a website with texts, chats, photos she took with her camera and photos he got from a PI. He was really hoping this would shake her into working on their marriage. Even still, she insists there's no affair and he's making it up. Unfortunately, many people are siding with HER and so she is too caught up in the fog to wanna work on it. Last we spoke he is ready to move on.

My heart hurts for him, but since she has cheated several times now and she shows no signs of even acknowledging (let alone WORKING on) this problem, I think he will be better off in the long run.
I commend him for doing such a fantastic exposure.

Some waywards have their heads to far up their own @as that they may never get it removed.

Does he have a good lawyer? Has he ever been to MB? Did you tell him how to expose?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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