I've been married 16 year to my best friend. We have 3 beautiful girls that I love as much as my wife. 3 months ago my wife got very upset at me about money, jobs, other women, my failures in business....and many other things. We talked for 2 days and decided we were going to work on our marriage. After 2 months, she stopped talking to me and I started sleeping on the couch. A month ago she told me she wanted me to move out and seperate. Now she has told me she is filing for divorce. I have asked her to go to counseling with me, but she get angry and refuses. She is a Medical Doctor and 3 years ago I lost my job as a production manager. We decided that I would stay home and take care of running the house, taking the kids anywhere and everywhere. It has worked fine up until now. Now she has demanded I get a job and move out. I have done both. She refuses to discuss anything unless it is about how we are going to divide up the time with the kids. I am completely heartbroken. I have taken care of the house, cleaning, laundry, cooking, children for all this time, and to the point where, when she gets home at 5:30pm I had her a plate of food so she can sit down and relax without worrying about cooking or cleaning. I admit I have made many mistakes in our marriage and not filled her needs for affection, and rec companionship amoung several others. I take care of our farm and animals along with finish building our home and may other odd jobs in the community. HOW DO I GET HER TO OPEN UP TO ME AND STOP BEING SO "HARD", AND ANGRY SO WE CAN WORK ON OUR PROBLEMS TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIP? With all the pain I've felt in the past month, I still love her with all that I am and can not see myself with anyone else, ever!!

Welcome to MB.

Start here ~~~> LINK to Basic Concepts

Download the questionnaires. In particular the Marital Problem Analysis Q

Link to the Q

Tell your wife this ~~~> "I know I need help. Please help me help myself. Fill this out & return it to me."

Let us know what her answers were.

So there was an affair or she suspected an affair? If not, then tell us what you mean that she was upset about "other women". Please be specific.

I have never had an affair!! Since I do not work, most of my friends are married women. I take care of our house and farm. I sell our eggs to families along with homemade breads. I try to find families that I think need help (financially) and will make them bread, cakes, and give them eggs. I also take "goodies" (chocolate strawberries, cakes, bread, cookies...etc) to my wifes office for her and her nurses. I admit that I do flirt and consider myself an attractive man. However, I have always made it very clear to everyone that I am a dedicated husband and father. I know from reading Dr. Harley's books that flirting is a big mistakes and only takes away from the trust in our relationship.

Do you realize that most affairs start with a friendship of the opposite sex? That's why the Harleys recommend we ALL avoid those kinds of friendships.

When you bring things to those women, that deposits love units in their love banks, making it easier for them to start engaging in personal conversations with you.

Flirting with other women is an affront to your wife and is most likely done without her enthusiastic agreement. So you should stop flirting. A dedicated husband and father doesn't open himself up to other women.

It sounds like you've been trying to be a hero to folks but neglected your wife's needs.

Have you read the links Pepperband posted for you?

Hi WVcowboy, the first thing I would do is move back home. You will have very little chance if you are not there.

Is she having an affair?

Go read here. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...&Number=1984719&nt=2&fpart=1

I moved into a garage appartment that is 25 feet from our home. I don't "live" in her house and do not go into it unless I'm invited in and she is there. I have often wondered about her having an affair. Again she is an MD and gets lots of phone calls and texts that are "work related". I have really tried to be trusting of her, because I think trust gets trust. There have been some things like going int work earlier and staying later, changing underwear frequently (2-3 times a day, and when she tells me about things at work she is always mentioning 1 or 2 men specifically.

I agree I have been doing too much for others, especially other women. I have stopped and started to tell my wife I love her and do small things for her like start her car in the morning and text her at work to see how her day is. I make it a point to ask how her day has gone every evening when I get to see her. Most of the time, she just ignores me. I have told her I'm not giving up on our marriage or family. I plan on doing small things to try to deposite some love back in her bank, but it's very difficult when she avoids me and doesn't talk to me. I even asked her last night if she would mind if I asked an old friend out for dinner....she looked at me kinda suprised, but said she didn't mind, so I then asked her if she would go out on a date with me tonight. She said no immediately. I said OK, but I do plan on asking again and her responce was that I was wasting my time. I told her I like personal challenges. I told her we were meant to be together and the I was 100% sure of that just like I was 100% sure she still loved me, but she was too angry and hurt to allow her heart to open to me.

You need to move back home, ASAP.

That is no reason to move out of your house, though.

x 10

Too much trust doesn't lead to trust, it leads to affairs. It enables a spouse the freedom to lead the necessary secret second life to carry on an affair.

I wager she is having an affair, which is why she needed you to move out.

I would move back into your house and start spying like JAmes Bond. I can almost assure you she is having an affair. Put spyware on her cell phone and you should find out rather quickly who it is. Eblaster or flexispy are good.

Can you afford a PI for few days? They can usually get the goods very quickly.

WVCowboy, flirting is the first step in finding yourself up to your eyeballs in an affair. How do you think affairs get started?

And has already been posted to you, you need to out of the garage and back into your house immediately. And to answer a question you haven't asked yet: Yes, you need to sleep in the marital bed.

Your wife is most likely having an affair. A little snooping should uncover this quickly.

ETA: I suggest you hit the notify button and ask the mods to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair forum.