I haven't thought that far Melody. Any suggestions? I didn't mention it above but it felt a little weird as I was somewhat disinterested in interacting with my BW.

Well Friday family fun didn't go as planned. W backed out. May have somthing to do with my mentioning that I attempted use our credit cards for my son's (her SS) tuxedo rental for his Sr. Banquet on Monday and they were declined. I called the bank to learn that my name was removed from the accounts. And here is our text exchange---
Me 3:46: Thought of anything for Triple F? How about Main Event?
Her 4:09: I don't know.
Her 4:32: Not tonight.
Me 4:33 Ok. I would still like to see them. SS (19yr) was expecting to as well. I was thinking DS (5yr) needs a hair cut and I assume he's still starting baseball in the morning. I had planned to continue playing catch so he's confident and not afraid of the ball. He was very doing well. How u feel about him coming over for a while?
Her 4:45: I'm not ready for that yet.
Me 4:45: Ok. I would still like to see them today in some manner.
Her 4:46 Let me think
Me 5:19 Thought you might want to go to WINGS [women's church service) as well
Me 5:55 [affter arriving homr from the rental shop] just tried to use Amex and BoA visa for SS's tuxedo to preserve cash. Why did u cxl my cards babe?
Me 5:57 Nevermind...it's fine
Me 5:57 just want to see my kiddos. come up with something?
Her 5:58 Not tonight. No more messages please. This is causing me to feel stressed
Me 6:05 Sorry - didn't mean to stress you.

Me...angry, hurt about not being able to see me kids, having to tell my oldest, possible love unit withdrawal. This sux!

You need to contact a lawyer and get your visitation and get your finances protected. What is your financial situation? Do you share a bank account? She cannot legally withhold your children from you.

Yes please contact your lawyer.

Yes we share a bank account. She drained our savings to facilitate her move. The remaining cash that was left I have been transfering to a peronal e-trade checking account. It takes both of our incomes to maintain our home, so I've contacted the lender to initiate a possible restructuring of our mortgage. They may be able to offer a lowered payment to due financial hardship through their home retention program. hey are fully aware of the situation and seem to be helpful. However, in order to NOT consider her income they would need either a seperation agreement which doesn't exists in Texas or a divorce decree ---this is not what we intended to do--- we've both concluded so. Of course my only motivation to save the house is the hope that we will reconcile sooner rather than later and our children will be able to enjoy the home they LOVE. We have 3,000 sq.ft. single story that allows them to run free.

I plan to meet with my Pastor today. He knows the details our situation as well but was out of town when this all happened. He is very pratical and will provide great guidence. I will let him know my intentions to contact the lawyer and if he has no objection then that will be my next stop.

DNT,

You are doing great! Remember baby steps and no expectations. The others are right though your wife should not use your kids as leverage or punish you by not allowing you to see them.

Lawyer up and keep your cool.

Thanks fifteen! Well in a somewhat dramatic turn of events my wife brought my kiddos by THE HOUSE to see me! I dance now but today certainly didn't start as music to my ears. My heart was broken earlier because I expected our family to attend church service as we always do. I told a friend of mine that today would be a moment of truth as it relates to my wife's intentions. I told him if you see us sitting together in church then this will be a temporary separation, but if you don't then... all bets are off.

Her mother (MIL) is at her place. She lives 3 hours away and came for my DS�s Sr, banquet on tomorrow night. I mention her because she actually brought my DS (5) over to our house on yesterday so I could give him a haircut. That was �ok�. They were there a very short time. My MIL and I typically have a great relationship but we only talked on the surface yesterday as she�s been avoiding most of my texts and calls when I was acquiring about her having knowledge about what was going on.

Anyway�back to today. I called my W as I left our home for church and received no answer. Called and texted my MIL as well and got nothing. After several texts I drive off the parking and nearly headed home. I made a U turn and went back to church because I still believe God is in control in all of this and I�m not going to miss a blessing. It was the toughest time ever in a worship service but it was exactly what I needed. We are a very visible couple and there are a few in the congregation who know what is going on and they all managed to assure that they were praying for us. I balled on the way home, but decided I wasn�t going to be discouraged.

After making dinner I sent another text to my W asking if she think my MIL could bring my DS and DD by so I can see them. She responded �She us happily still in her PJ�s. Doesn�t plan on leaving all today� (perhaps she was talking about my DD?) I replied �OK. Do you mind? Haven�t seen my daughter since Thurs�. W reply �Eating now. We will figure it out� Me: Great! She sends a few more text about our oldest who went back to church for an Easter program and she said she would come by when he returned. And she did!! I can�t tell the joy I felt seeing my babies come through that door reaching and yelling �Daddy! Daddy!� We had a great time. For a moment, everything felt normal as my babies ran through the house going to their usual spots in every room laughing and pointing at things they recognize. I made small talk with my W. She sat on the sofa and watched a little TV as we all played. I can tell she enjoyed that they were happy. I made it a point to mention that our pastor and 1st lady (Bishop�s wife) came to me and could barely contain herself and said �I�m praying you�I am sooo grieved�sooo grieved�. She is quite close to my W and our spiritual mother. My W just knodded her head at my stating this. She and the kiddos stayed much longer than she said she would and it was great. She put my DD in the car seat and I closed the door. She welcomed my signature kiss on the cheek and we both said our �love you�s� and she left on what I beleive was a good note.

I should mention that my wife stated in her text before coming by that she wanted to take one of our vacuums and another item. I think she may have been so please with her visit that she forgot both. I�m calling today a small victory...and I�m still lawyering up.

That is awesome and you get another chance to have her come back to get the vacuums and fulfill some more of her love units if she will allow you to.

I do think that she still loves you but she does not trust you. She is very guarded because you broke her once and she will never let you do that again.

Her coming to the house today with the kids and spending time together is a very good sign.

Well my son's Sr banquet was somewhat chaotic and sad.So it all began with my wife running around like a chicken with her head cut off because MY W is a board member for the org. My babies were restless, hungry, and very fussy. This just wouldn't happen if they were in our home...at least not the hungry part. My 5 year old is showing effects from the disruption in his attitude. He said "I am ready to come back to my old home". That hurt... Then he informed my that he had a "big boy day" in his NEW class at his NEW school. Whaaat?! I kept my cool throughout and took my daughter out of the banquet hall often as she was crying often. It was great spending time with my DS but spent very little time interacting with my W. My wife then came outside of the room as I was keeping our DD occupied to let me know she called her sister to come take the kiddos to her place. Releif!!! Or so I thought. Several minutes after my SIL left with our babies my wife begins to text and answer calls. It's my SIL who has arrived at my W's place but has LOST THE DOOR KEY!! Now my W has to leave to either go look for the lost key or call maintenance to unlock the door. My W leaves with my SIL and that's the last I see of her for the night. My DS...is noticeable bothered as he expected us all to take family pictures. I was really sad for him. This was night we've waited for - for a long time. I'm sure most people could notice my discontent as I attempted to smile while receiving congrats for my son's recognition.

Fast forward to today's texts

Me 9:20am: G-morning babe. C**** DS(5) mentioned ystrday he had a good day in his new class at his new school. Where are my kiddos now?

Her 11:49am Good morning. I will try to call you later tonight so we can talk.

Me 6:57pm Cooking speghetti if you and the kiddos haven't eaten

Her 6:58 Thank You! We are finishing lasagna salad and garlic
bread

Me 6:58

Me 9:13pm just a reminder to call about the new school

Me 10:14pm still awake?

nothing...

can't wait to see my lawyer at 1pm Thursday. I've already drafted a seperation agreement with a visitation schedule to be filed by the courts. I learned this was enforceable in Texas afterall.

Rec'd a text this morning from W at 6:41AM 3/27 - Sorry. Fell aleep with the kids fully dressed.
Me 7:01 Oh wow
Her 7:02 They were clean and snug in their pjs and I thought I would snuggle for a min. Ha!

Had a relatively pleasant conversation with my BW tonight...and she said she wants a D.

So is she filing? Or will you have her served?

I have no idea. She indicated that she has a lawyer. I told her that I was meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to discuss visitation rights and potentially filing a seperation agreement in attempt to save our home through loan modification. That was after she continued to not disclose where my children were attending school. Again...the conversation wasn't continuous at all.

Why would I file?

Depending on what state you're in, sometimes the first to file has leverage. I thought Texas may be one of those states.

I'm not going for leverage. I really, really, really want to save my marriage. Please pray for me/us. I'm in a dark place

Praying for you.
Are you aware of how valuable the dark place can be?
In the dark, can we learn the most valuable lessons of our life.
We learn what is important.
This is Easter week. The darkest of days in Christendom.
The darkest days that provide contrast to what is good & true & important.
Celebrate this Easter by renewing your faith and your hope and accept the Peace of knowing that when you walk in the darkness, you are not alone.


Peace be with you.

DNT,

I am praying for you. My darkest days continue to haunt me but they also remind me of what I could have lost and what I have to work hard everyday to hold onto. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel your just not sure at this point what tunnel you will be coming out of.

Keep working for yourself and your children. My H threatened Divorce several times.

Hi, DNT, I have prayed for you.

Are you a daily listener to the Marriage Builders radio show? HUSBANDS with marriages in CRISIS need to be.

Have you seen a doctor about getting some antidepressants to help enable you to act strategically when your emotions want to pull you all over the map?

I also second that you ask your doctor for some ADs/anti-anxiety meds.

Also, found a radio clip. Hope it helps.
Radio Clip

Thanks everyone for your prayers. It all helps. I am inthe process of changinf primary care docs so I may ask the therapist for recommendations on getting something to take. she's still witholding the children which is the most painful part. We have decided to go the mediation route to establish a visitation schedule. At least that is my motivation.


Thanks BrainHurts this was very helpful. I am a consistent listener of the show.