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Here's the follow up call (from the couple from May's call) and Dr. Harley finds out that they aren't following the program. Radio Clip Segment #2 Segment #3
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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BV you should start your own thread in recovery. You seem like you have a lot of questions and I think people would be more apt to answer them on your own thread. I agree. Please start update your own thread. NOT for the benefit of this thread ... but to better help you .  This has been an excellent thread for me. I have been thinking about Pepperband's early recollections each day for the past few weeks, and GREATLY appreciate her sharing them. Headed over to my old thread (on Surviving) with this, if anyone wants to stop by. You may want to bring your own flashlight, as it tends to get pretty dark at times.... ;-) BV
Last edited by brokenvase; 08/16/12 12:23 PM. Reason: added forum where thread is located
Me - WW/BW - 49
Him - CGIR - WH/BH 49
Married 27 years, together 33 (HS sweethearts)
No kids
DDay #1 - 1989 EA co-worker
DDay #2 - 2004 internet porn
DDay #3 - July 2006 EA different co-worker
DDay #4 - Aug. 2006 EA with OW #2 was actually a PA
DDay #5 - Sept. 2010 False recovery - H dishonest about both affairs and porn usage
DDay# 6 - Sept. 26, 2010 - Full disclosure - 1989 EA was actually a PA and lasted one year. 2006 PA more extensive than originally thought. 1992 ONS with prostitute.
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"Sooner or later you will have to give up hope for a better yesterday."
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A Good clip on resentment. Radio Clip on Resentment
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thank you..I will be listening to this tonight after work...
Me
Him
His, Mine & Ours
No Infidelity - Just other Issues
Reading and Learning
Trying to have a great marriage
I LOVE THIS PLACE
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I wonder, is this why plan (R) revenge sounds soooooo good. I've worked so hard at letting things go and seen karma work it's magic several times, even years down the road. In the end their was always someone at that point willing to turn the wrong to a right even years. Why can't it be me?
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I wonder, is this why plan (R) revenge sounds soooooo good. I've worked so hard at letting things go and seen karma work it's magic several times, even years down the road. In the end their was always someone at that point willing to turn the wrong to a right even years. Why can't it be me? Plan R is all about your ego. Look at what you wrote... You think you can drive the karma bus! Really? Are you OZ, the powerful & mighty wizard? The karma bus tosses out and runs over the ego who try to steer it.
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I wonder, is this why plan (R) revenge sounds soooooo good. always think Plan Revenge sounds good. After all their years of sacrificing, are they not due for some self-help justice?
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I'd like to think I'm not a renter. I initally gave up the buyer attitude after the first ILYBNILWY (she used it once) and it didn't make sence. She finally told me the same day 6 years into our marriage she'd had sex with someone else when I broke up with her for a week when we were dating. Her expectation was I'd divorce her...surprise...I didn't as we had two small kids. After that the resentent started setting in.
I tried to put it behind me and make the marriage better. I think that was her exit stratigy and when it didn't work she became even more uncareing.
That's when my plan (R) was hatched!...Yes, I've been know to hold a grudge.
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I'd like to think I'm not a renter. Let's pretend is for another time, another game ..... Not this time my friend. Yes, I've been know to hold a grudge. Grudges are heavy, aren't they? Your arms must be exhausted by now. It's interesting how you chose your MB forum name ... not so tuff.
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NST,
We all want revenge. It's in our nature to seek justice and sometimes the only kind we can see is payback. But thats childish at its very core. Keeping grudges is nothing more than trying to hold onto excuses to seek revenge. That itself ties your hands up from doing anything productive to save your marriage.
It's time to put away your childish behavior and become the man you were destined to be. In the end, this is the ONLY thing that YOU can control. What she might do should not change how you behave now. Become the man ANY woman would want and you might find that your wife will be one of them. In the end, if your wife doesn't want recovery, then you'll already be whole when you face the next season of your life.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Yes, I am not so tough. I�ve been through what I think is hell but reading SAA�.I really have respect for those folks as I�m pretty sure I�d end up on the front page of a newspaper.
Revenge sounds as sweet as honey but I know that will never happen. I�ve long given up childish things and look for �the way� best way forward. I don�t want to hold resentment in my heart�I have to admit in the darkest corners nothing would make me happier than to see the karma bus roll into town. AS Pep already mentioned it doesn�t work like that. The more you hate (try to drive the bus) the more likely you�ll be ran over. This thread helped me understand why even little things bothered me so much�it felt like I�d just been through a prison shower.
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it felt like I�d just been through a prison shower.  
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Sorry about that...everyone tells me I add too much visiual imagery to what I'm saying.
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self edit for vulgarity 
Last edited by Pepperband; 03/29/13 01:12 PM.
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googling "prison shower " now..... 
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googling "prison shower " now..... NO! Don't google that!
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googling "prison shower " now..... NO! Don't google that! Lol, I didn't! I promise 
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I was going to pull into this argument about the Greek God man Hercules..and the Nemean lion, which was his Ego..Which in legend..Hercules had to kill the lion/ego, so he could wear his skin.
Thus conquering his own ego, it was now a protective skin he could wear..
See a lot of us have been through that..and until you go through it, you don't understand it..
Please listen to the wise Pep, and yes all this will pass, in time my freind
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googling "prison shower " now..... NO! Don't google that! Just watch the movie American History X.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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