I can almost hear the "yes but" ...... don't go there.

I havent read every response to this discussion but, has anyone asked why you would only get part of your mothers $700/month? With that, could you put an addition on your place where she could live separately?

I just saw that you were currently in an apartment. Maybe the extra $700/month would help find a place with an in-law apt

Writer said the MIL would need the rest of her SS payment to pay for her meds and other incidentals. There should be some funds from the sale of her grandmother's house.

There will be money from the sale of my grandmother's house. We don't know the exact amount yet, but it could be quite substantial. My mother doesn't really want to use that for day-to-day expenses though. She does want to use some to buy a new car (neither of us have a decent, reliable vehicle at the moment) but she doesn't want to use it for things like rent or paying bills.

It would help with UA time in one way. My mother would be available to baby sit. I think she would be willing to do so for at least one date a week. One of our major obstacles to getting UA time has been a lack of childcare options. Baby sitters are terribly expensive. Even the teens around here charge $10 an hour for one child. And we have not had any luck finding anyone to exchange childcare with, other than my husband's sister, but she only wants to do it once a month. Most people we've talked to think we're absolutely crazy for trying to get in even one date a week with a young child, let alone two or three.

Would DD4 sleep in your bedroom?

No. DH and I would still have our own room. DD4 would have her own room. Mom would sleep on her bed in our living room/dining area.

Don't forget where you reside ...

Hey, it's nice here! No worse than Shrek's Swamp I suppose. And the view is great!

Lol

No. DH and I would still have our own room. DD4 would have her own room. Mom would sleep on her bed in our living room/dining area.

...and the addict?

Okay, I'm looking for some specific advice from people who have lived with parents or in-laws...Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Do those lines look at all familiar, W1?

You have gotten serious advice from ten(?) folks here rigorously and unanimously telling you that the statements that filled the "..." area ("My mother IS coming to live with us.") are setting your marriage up for yet another body-blow, to wit:

You, FBH, DD4 and Mommy cannot reside for any appreciable period in a two-bedroom apartment.

Are you prepared to take the advice offered? A simple "yes" or "no" is all that is required (Let me mention that when St Pepperband starts short-circuiting your "Yeah, but....." responses, it may be a clarion call that the tactic is getting tedious!)

I really don't see the staying in a 2-bedroom apartment thing as permanent though. I've already said that. It is a temporary solution until we can find a bigger place. My grandma's house is already in escrow. My mom will have to be out of there by mid-May if the sale goes through. I don't think my H will be able to find a job in a new area by then (though he's certainly trying) so we will have to make this work for a little while until he is able to find something. That's the plan for right now.

So, yes, I am considering all of the advice I receive. It doesn't seem to be unanimous at this point. Some people say having a relative come and live with you is never a good idea, some people say it can work if it is mutually-agreed upon, some people who have posted on my thread are currently doing it or at least considering it themselves. I'm taking everything that is said into consideration and trying to find the best solution to my own situation. That's about the best I can do.

He's getting served with his 30-day notice immediately.

But, this apartment has been temporary for most of the time I've been on the board.

I think it's a marriage killer, and we've had to face this reality in our marriage. We share our house with our cats and that's it, maybe a horse in the garage, but having inlaws live with you can be disasterous.

My parents did it. My mother is a saint and they have an incredible marriage. I look back and have no idea how they survived the years we all shared one house. Mom and dad built inlaw quarters onto my grandparents, then my grandparents died, I moved out, etc... For 4 or 5 years it was 5 adults and me in a 2 bedroom house. Large 2 bedroom, but still. It was rough!

It doesn't seem to be unanimous at this point. Some people say having a relative come and live with you is never a good idea, some people say it can work if it is mutually-agreed upon, some people who have posted on my thread are currently doing it or at least considering it themselves.

And not one of them, in any way, shape, or form, has even HINTED at the idea that the four of you (and FIVE until the addict gets evicted, if ever) should be staying in a two-bedroom apartment.

And another "Yeah, but....." answer is recorded!

Just for fun ........


At the time when I put "Shrek's Swamp" as my location, our high-school age daughter had just gotten her first ever summer job at Universal Studios. Where did she work all summer? "Shrek's Shack", a candy store next to the Shrek attraction/ride. All day long, while DD was at work, they played the soundtrack - over and over and over. "I'm a Believer" and "All Star" both by Smash Mouth. The songs (after a thousand repeats) were driving our DD crazy!.

It was a really exciting and fun time for us. Our little girl out there in the big world of Universal. She had a blast. I don't want to move out of Shrek's Swamp. Happy memories.

I thought the same thing when I read this. writer, I say this with kindness, but you have the same problems today that you did when you arrived on this board. I believe that basic problem solving skills are not an ability that you or your husband possess. Your life just sort of floats along and happens to you. I see you walking into a situation that will make your marriage much worse, not better.

And you won't have a way out of it. Once you get her in there, how will you EVER get her out?

It seems your mother has no problem solving skills either. Here is a grown woman who has known for some time that she would be in this position. And what did she do? Nothing.

Precisely.
No exit plan.
And, she is an ill woman. Likely to need increasing amounts of resources to care for her. Did you say she is in a wheelchair already?