I am very worried about you, tuned.

~You are wishy washy about snooping -- I don't think you would balk at the $$ if you really understood that there will be no fixing your M while she is carrying on with this man.

~You haven't answered my question about the VAR (which makes me wonder if you ever really did ever get one).

~You relaying more conversations you have had with your W about MB terminology -- you shouldn't be talking to her about MB right now. UA won't work while she is getting her EN's met elsewhere

~You didn't answer my question about the Carrot and Stick of Plan A. I will post a link to your SAA thread and I would recommend you stay over there for now. I think you are getting distracted by being on this forum.

~You seem to be slightly pacified by the fact that your W gave you the password after being confronted and that she has agreed to UA time. But this isn't anything positive -- she is trying to distract you now that she knows you suspect an affair.

I just want to reiterate: The fact that she kept it this relationship with this guy a secret from you, erased all the texts, and asked for a separation is basically all the confirmation you need that this is an A. But with waywards, you need some more concrete proof because they will deny & gaslight -- we see this EVERY DAY on these forums.

If you would just get serious about it, you could probably get the proof that you need w/n a short period of time.

Please pay attention to this, as well as everything else Susie said.

If this is true, you need to IMMEDIATELY begin spending 15 hours a week ALONE with your wife, no kids, and make it wonderful.

But don't let that distract you from the other missions.

My guess is, she said she agreed, but won't really do it. So take action and jump on it now and see if she follows through.

Ok I am sure my w is having an affair,I'm broke and have no way to prove it,what should I do?

Ask the MODS to merge with your thread in SAA.

Why are you so sure now?

I can only see txt history and the way shes acting, and a couple people have seen her in town during work hours, she messed w her contacts in her phone to fool me, but every sign is there,I just have no way to prove it

I set up int messaging on her phone w verizon but have yet to see anything substantial, I'm going through all the horrible emotions but staying calm, just very anxious to get somewhere

I will try that free app when I can get her phone long enough,not to savy at this, do I need to install the app from the phone or is there a quicker way, she is playing along now but shes all over the place,depression,snarky att, guilty,selfish.I'm staying cool now but i'm sur you know this anxiousness is almost unbearable at times

will this app show up on her phone once i install it,if so how do i hide it

Can you see her activity online?

Then you could track the number.

I would also move back home. This explains why she wanted her space.

Do you have an idea who the OM might be?
Men Don't Leave Your Home

i still live at home, she says she want her own place,i know who it is.

she seems very sketched out, she asked me if i wanted her to leave last night after she told me she wants a happy family too just not in love w me,blablabla,i said I am part of the family and want to work on having a happy loving family, thats pretty much what i keep saying calmly, I'm afraid she may be getting so consumed w guilt she may jus take off

shes lookn for an out really hard, every time we talk she tries to turn it on me, I jus keep calmly saying the same things and I love you

Ok who is it? Is he married?

How do you know? Need to start getting ready for exposure.

How is your Plan A? Is she leaving the house "to go run errands" and is gone longer?

hes a40 something 3 times divorced guy,Ive seen hundreds of txts to him,and brought it up to her(i know i messed up there) andshe played the whole friend card my stepdad saw her coming from the dir of his house one day when she was sposed to be working,no sex for 5 mnths,new panties,she changed the contacts in her phone thinkn she duped me, she broke down last nite when i asked her what was wrong she said she couldnt tell me i would hate her,broke down again in the bathroom said she didnt know what she was doing, pretty much everything, where do i look on her blckbrry for her passwords

Can you try this?

im not sure where to look on her phone for psswrd

only gonna have a few min to look

Try accidentally dropping her phone in the dishwater. Tell her you will get her a replacement. Put the spyware on it before you give it to her.

does anyone know of another free spy app where i can listen to calls,view txt,view web content,I can tell my wife is getting paranoid and on our verizon account it shows she calls voicemail,then calls her own num for any number of minutes, then call her voicemail again,not sure what this means, butits giving me no info, i cant install the blckbrry app cuz i dont know her psswrds, i need to expose this quick the guilt seems to be REALLY GETTING TO HER, im afraid it could get to be so bad she will just bolt, alls ive got so far are lots of txts to his num and a a ffew sightings of her driving in town when she should be working, gonna try to stake out and watch mon if i can.