WE HAVE BEEN IN RECOVERY ALMOST 6 MONTHS NOW AND WE HAVE DONE A LOT OF TALKING IN THIS TIME. SOMTIMES I KNOW IT IS PAINFUL FOR ME TO HEAR AND PAINFUL FOR HIM TO SAY. THEY OTHER DAY HE SAID I REALLY LOVED HER OR LUST HER I DON'T KNOW. I WONDER IF HE IS STILL CONFUSED. HE LOVES ME AND ALWAYS HAVE BUT THAT DOSEN'T EASE THE PAIN. THEY HAD A 4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED. WE'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED A YEAR AND SHE FOUND OUT AND REVEALED IT ALL. 16 YRS WEVE BEEN TOGETHER AND THIS HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. SO YOU SEE IT'S HARD WHEN HE SAYS THAT HE LOVES ME OR HOW HE LOOKS AT ME AND CRIES BECAUSE OF THE PAIN HE'S CAUSE ME AND HIMSELF. I GUESS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I REFUSE TO MARRY HIM EVERY TIME HE ASKED. NOW THAT WERE REBUILDING HE WORRRIS THAT I MIGHT LEAVE HIM OR HAVE AN AFFAIR MYSELF. SOMETIMES HE'LL LOOK AT ME AND SAY I'VE ALMOST LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND CRY. I FEEL ANGER SOMETIMES BECAUSE I CAN'T HELP HIM WITH HIS PAIN BECAUSE I'M DEALING WITH MY OWN. ALL I KNOW IS THIS I'M STILL GOING ON WITH THE PLANS I HAVE FOR OUR LIFE. FORGIVENESS HEALS THE SOUL I'VE HEARD. FORGETTING IS THE HARD PART. IS THERE ANYONE WHO AFTER REBUILDING WHO HAS FORGIVEN AND TRULY MOVED ON AND REBUILD THEIR TRUST IN THEIR MATE.<P>------------------<BR>

Hi Neicy,<P>I like your name. It is the nick name that I gave my daughter. You don't see too many neicy's around....<P>I think there are several people on this board that have gotten to the point that you want to get to.<P>I think the main part of recovery is something you can't control. It is called 'time'.<P>It sounds like both of you are in still so much pain, but if you start using the basic concepts, you will begin to experience the love that you both once felt for each other again, and those feelings of distrust and pain are so much more minimized when you are feeling loved.<P>Why didn't you marry him each time he asked? How do you think this justified his affair? <P>