Did you see this post?

I got what you posted I will contact him directly as in person.

WCG, I would contact him LAST, after you contact his wife and his employer. Did you read those posts?

WCG,

Contact the other man's wife in person. Let her know what you know, including the recent text messages. She may know nothing at this point. Having another set of eyes/ears in place can be very helpful.

Do you have a key logger on your computers? Are you able to verify phone calls by looking at the bill or online? how do you know she did not answer the text messages?

Maintaining no contact is so important at this point. Your wife's last "fix" was only a couple of weeks ago. It is likely she will be tempted to interact with OM. Were your wife and OM seeing each other outside the rehab facility? If so, what things are in place so that does not happen in the future? The conditions that made the affair possible need to be changed.

AM

Pressure from you probably won't stop him. He already doesn't care about you. If you threaten him, or even if you don't, you may get the cops called on you. May be worth it, but not until after the boom has been lowered.

From what I am picking up from you, all you are going to do is warn them, give them a chance to get stories together, paint you as a jealousy crazed crackpot and go underground.

Do you really think your wife is rationally deciding to give up "her love" and return to you even though she says she doesn't love you. Don't work that way, I know.

This is what will work:

Pressure and scrutiny from his wife
Pressure and scrutiny from work
Pressure of maybe losing his livelihood
Pressure from his wife over maybe losing his livelihood
Embarrassment and shame over everyone knowing he is a POS

You get the jump, get that pressure going, and then confront him.

You need to try to ensure that he is sorry he ever met your wife.

Confirmed the OM's wife knows. His wife reached out to my WW and left her a voice mail. My WW told me about it but in all the drama I forgot about it.

WCG,

I would not call this a confirmation. People in affairs say all kinds of things to avoid consequences. Talk to OMW YOURSELF. Let her know about the recent text messages.

AM

WCG, you have not confirmed anything. It is very possible the wife does not know at all. And she certainly does not know about the recent texts.

You have absolutely no reason to believe the OMW knows about the affair. NONE. This woman needs to know about the affair so she can protect herself and her children from your wife and her husband.

Ahem; I repeat - you need to file a complaint against his license. You also need to notify his employer.

As a healthcare professional - in a rehab facility fully staffed with Physical, Occupational, and Speech therapists - I assure you that his actions in carrying on a romantic relationship with a patient is grossly unethical and quite possibly illegal.


Whatever happens, quite frankly, are the consequences of unethical health professional behavior and/or adultery.

WCG,

Your wife is still deep in the fog, and her feelings for the other man will diminish only if no contact continues. And judging by her words to you about you "pushing her away" she is hanging by a very thin thread.

You need to ensure no contact by exposing the affair to his employer, to his wife, and to your family. This will not make your wife or the POSOM happy, but it will make contact between the two much more difficult, and it may run him off forever. This is the stick of Plan A.

You also need to dangle the carrot of Plan A. Meet her needs, show her you love her, and seek to meet her needs. But at the same time, understand that while is in withdrawal, you won't be able to meet all of them.

Dr. Harley suggests spending A LOT of time with her. He has recommended couples get away alone for a few weeks if possible.

Get a plan together, and execute it. Start by reading Surviving an Affair.

Good luck.

Ok. Everyone I can get in touch with that is relevant knows and frankly it is not a lot of people as neither of us have much family left, and I put some other measures in place to alert me in case she has a week moment or he tries to reach out. I dont want to divulge too much in case she decides to post here. Now what?

Do your kids know? Pastor?

WCG,

IF your wife has agreed to no contact and all the conditions that made the affair possible have been eliminated, the next step is to build a romantic, passionate relationship with your wife.

Spend a minimum of 15-20 hours a week meeting the four critical emotional needs of affection, intimate conversation, recreational fulfilment and sexual fulfillment (if she will agree to sex). Plan the time out for the week. Do things that you both love to do. If possible, go away together alone for a week or so. Avoid lovebusters, especially selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, and angry outbursts.

AM

I will give you a little personal experience and you can draw from there.

My marriage was over 20 years old. Wife fell out of love with me. Fell in love with another guy (mutually) that had a lot to lose if it came out. I knew a lot, because in the beginning when she first was overcome with the wrongness of it she told me. Sound familiar?

This was before I found MB, so I figured she would turn back to what is right. Him too. NC was never in place, the pressure I could bring on him was pretty great and caused him to break it off a few times, but i always came back, underground they thought. I was a pretty good snoop even before I found MB.

But it never died. My marriage never recovered any during this time. I eventually came here, hesitated, then exposed. Killed the affair pretty quickly. But the 9 mos or so preceding this killed my marriage completely. I am divorced.

You marriage is not healthy, obviously. It is barely breathing if that. Any chance you have to keep it alive hinges on killing the affair. Your marriage will die. You need to realize how close it is to dead now.

Time is essential.

In this case, is a "PT" a physiotherapist or a personal trainer?

Physiotherapist

So are you going to do what HHH recommended? You have never responded to his posts on this.

Still having an issue with that one. I know I have every right to do that and I know he does not care about my family nor should I care about his but I still have to be right with it in my head.

Don't you get that by ending this, you are helping both families.

The worst thing you could do to anyone is know that someone is destroying their family and say nothing.

Don't try to disguise fear with altruism. I tried to convince myself for a long time.