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I am going to see my lawyer again tomorrow. I'm not going to leave and thanks for the pep talk. I am just so pissed that a family councellor from the church we attend would sit there and facilitate this. I would never have aggreed to such foolishness if I didn't have a councellor I trusted sitting there saying it was a good idea.
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Unfortunately, that counselor validated your wife's desire to get a divorce instead of selling her on the prospect of your marriage. That is the difference between MB and traditional counseling.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am going to see my lawyer again tomorrow. I'm not going to leave and thanks for the pep talk. I am just so pissed that a family councellor from the church we attend would sit there and facilitate this. I would never have aggreed to such foolishness if I didn't have a councellor I trusted sitting there saying it was a good idea. You should be exposing this affair ASAP! Read the link in melody's sig and do as much damage to this affair as possible.
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The affair has already been exposed and all family and friends know about it. She doesn't want to see the man anymore and says that's not the reason, but it honestly it doesn't matter since she has been so blatently open about and nonchalant about it with everyone. She feels I am the reason the affair happened and that everyone will have one eventually. Her values on marraige are almost nonexistent and she even said she feels nothing is wrong with divorce this day and age.
I don't know if there is much to do to save it at this point, or if she would have even gone back to a councellor if they had condemned her wanting a divorce...she cut off all contact with any friends and family that spoke out against the divorce, and refused to go back to meet with the original pastor we met with since he was very blunt about what she needed to do to save our marriage and how she would need to respect anything I asked of her.
Like I said before she is extremely selfish and stubborn and hates being told what to do. At this point a complete falling on her face in life is the only thing that I think would wake her up.
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We actually were going to a marriage builders class for a few weeks at a different church but were unable to continue due to my work schedule...I wish now that I could have worked harder at getting there
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It sounds like she needed a persuasive counselor like the Harleys. They would have tackled her worldview and helped her see the flaws in it. Even so, you had one shot to save your marriage and it sounds like that was spent on this counselor. So the best you can do is protect yourself legally ow.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yeah I'm pretty upset about it. She actually did read His Needs Her Needs and used it as a crutch as to why she had the affair...not how to get past it and have a good marraige. Its sad really...she is completely blinded by satan and has gone off the deep end emotionally.
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JFisch,
However shortly after leaving my wife said that she had a female friend that she wanted to move in as a roomate
Some slu**y, cigarette voiced, alcoholic, three time divorced buddy for your WW? No dice to your kids being exposed to whatever horror story your WW is bringing home. WW moves out into a postage stamp apartment with whomever she wants. Your WW is not an adult and cannot be treated like one.
You stay at home with the kids.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 04/03/13 07:04 PM.
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The councellor who is a christian councellor didn't try to motivate her to stay and moved into having us talk about what a seperation would looke like. Note to lurking betrayed spouses who are reading this post: Marriage counselors have NO CLUE how to save marriages! Do NOT go to a marriage counselor with any expectation about having support in saving your marriage! That wasn't what they were taught in college - they only know how to facilitate a friendly divorce. As this post clearly shows. In an emotionally weak state I backed down and said I would leave so that the kids wouldn't be uprooted, and with the assumption that this was a temporary thing since we were going to meet again in a month after I moved out. Oof. Bad call. How did you think moving out would serve you? How did you think this would help your marriage or your poor kids? "Daddy's moving out: it's all good!"  However shortly after leaving my wife said that she had a female friend that she wanted to move in as a roomate, but that she wanted to switch the utilities over into her name and blocked me and my family from social media. Uh-huh. And I've got a nice piece of swampland to sell you. There is no female friend. Your WW is planning on moving OM in. You, sir, need to readdress this breathtakingly faulty decision on your part. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. If she is so in heat that she has to be with OM, she can get her [censored] out of your children's home and perform her skank duties elsewhere. Do NOT back off on your marriage and allow her to boost you out and move him in!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thank you, Brain Hurts. This should be required reading for any man (read: MAN)who is trying to save his marriage.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Thank you, Brain Hurts. This should be required reading for any man (read: MAN)who is trying to save his marriage. You're welcome.  and I agree.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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The affair has already been exposed and all family and friends know about it. She doesn't want to see the man anymore and says that's not the reason, but it honestly it doesn't matter since she has been so blatently open about and nonchalant about it with everyone. She feels I am the reason the affair happened and that everyone will have one eventually. Her values on marraige are almost nonexistent and she even said she feels nothing is wrong with divorce this day and age.
I don't know if there is much to do to save it at this point, or if she would have even gone back to a councellor if they had condemned her wanting a divorce...she cut off all contact with any friends and family that spoke out against the divorce, and refused to go back to meet with the original pastor we met with since he was very blunt about what she needed to do to save our marriage and how she would need to respect anything I asked of her.
Like I said before she is extremely selfish and stubborn and hates being told what to do. At this point a complete falling on her face in life is the only thing that I think would wake her up. Sorry, I didn't see that you exposed on your thread.
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Wow thanks again everyone. I needed a mental boost..Like I said I have refused 100% to move out until today...I blame myself, but also the stupid councellor for sitting there seing that I was tired from fighting the past 3 days...emotionally and phsyically tired...and let me roll over and have my wife walk all over me. Thankfully i have a great system here of family and friends that is willing to step in and help stand up to this woman.
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JFisch,
It's more that you haven't exposed OM to any significant degree
God Bless
Gamma
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Dr Harley said:
"this is going to be quite a challenge." She actively seeks replacements for her husband and will continue to do this in the future.
Dr H told him:
1. don't leave the house
2. get legal help ASAP
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I see that you already got lots of advice on this thread and from Dr Harley. Did you follow any of it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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