I love my children too much to lie to them.

Female Wayward Fog Disassembled and Decoded

Just reply with exactly what Brainhurts said.

Did you tell your kids about her affair<s> and the TRUTH about why their family is being destroyed?

Translation: I was in control of my damage to the family until he brought up the truth my affair. Tell her that you absolutely agree and that you will tell them about her affair in age-appropriate language. Share with her that you completely agree that she should share the facts of her choice to destroy your family in very age-appropriate language. This sickens me. I don't even know where to start. If her "#1 Priority" was her children, she would never have allowed another man into her life! Does she have NO idea of the irreperable harm she is inflicting on them by running with another man??? This will follow them into their adulthood. She is treating them like they aren't humans! "They're dogs, they'll learn to love whoever feeds them and will be happy." "I intend to manipulate you, and you are beginning to worry me because I thought this would be easy. Please let me play you so I can continue my addiction. Thanks!"

down, are you in plan A or B? If you're in plan B, then you should not be in direct contact with her at all.

well that presents a huge problem.
I coach both our sons abseball teams, have practice every other day. And then between schd drop off /pick up's, I see her just about every day. I would rather not, but kinda have too.

As for plan.... I dont think I fit into any plan now, she has moved on. I am just left here wondering how to get to the next day.

Sometimes I wish there was hope to be seen in keeping this family together, but she is just too far gone. And I dont think I could take her back after whats happened. Worst part is, I do love her, but not what she has become.

Maybe this is who she was all along??? It's all just very sad.

20 years and 3 kids together, such a shame to go out like this...

What does this have to do with Plan B? Please explain how she is involved in these activities. YOU are coaching, not her, right?

Picking the kids up and dropping them off can be done without seeing her.

What are you doing now that keeps you from being in Plan B?

He is not in Plan B. We have not even discussed Plan B with him.

downnout, you are in PLAN A.

down, do a background check on these OM. The fact that she knows any of them is irrelevant because her judgement is seriously impaired. Contact your attorney and have him put in your custody agreement that these kids are never to be exposed to her affair partners. Most attorneys say it can't be done, but they will find a way when you insist. You may also be able to get that clause put in your final divorce papers.

down, do you have the book, Surviving an Affair? I would get your hands on that as soon as you can. I really don't see that your wife would ever make the radical changes necessary to recover your marriage, but you do need to read that book, so you can have a better understanding of affairs.

Also, the radio show being rebroadcast tonight [until noon tomorrow] has a segment on how important it is to tell children the full truth. Go here and click on the rebroadcast button to listen.

Well it�s been a while since I did the �expose� on WW and a few weeks since I did OM as you guys call it, nuclear. Can�t say much has happened since, except being served with and injunction of harassment by OM. That�s always fun�

They have both killed their facebook pages and that is about it. Not sure what I was supposed to accomplish in dong that, other than letting everyone know the truth about what�s going on.

Anyways, very uneventful, probably because they don�t even care if the whole world knows�

They deserve each other�

AS long as you live in America, it is not against the law to tell the truth. So don't worry about that.


You caused a whole lot of conflict in the affair and made it much harder for them carry on their affair openly. An affair starts crumbling once it is exposed because affairs thrive on secrecy.

Did you tell your kids the truth?

I can say that it certainly caused conflict, but as far as it killing the affair, not so sure, if you can believe this� they go to church together� I would say that�s pretty out and in the open.
Yes, I told the kids in age appropriate terms.

Can you be specific?

At the ball field I blurted out a comment, see above, it�s up there somewhere. When I had more time to think it over, about a week later, I sat them down and asked them what they thought about the person that they met at moms house the other day. They gave a physical description and that was about it. Asked them if they would like to talk about the person mom had over for dinner. They looked seriously confused� and didn�t say much, keep in mind they both just turned 5 and 7.

So I got off that subject and asked; why do you think mommy moved out of our house? They answered, because you guys were having an argument. I asked; what do you think the argument was about? Mommy said shes never come back to this house. I asked; why do you think she said that? I got the typical shoulder �I don�t know� shrug.

So I just said; the reason mommy moved out of our house, and the reason we had an argument, was because mommy made poor choices. One of those poor choices has to do with the man you met at mommy�s house on the morning I dropped you off and that night he had dinner with you. Do you remember that? Nods yes. I continued; that man is mommy�s boyfriend, and that really hurts dads feelings. It hurts my feelings because mommy shouldn�t have a boyfriend. Moms and dads who are married shouldn�t have boyfriends or girlfriends, and this is why we had arguments.
Everyone loves mommy, but she has moved away because she made a poor choice.

That is all I will tell them about the subject for the time being, unless they ask me more questions.

I think the pastor of the church should be informed. Perhaps he/she can help the heathens turn from their wicked ways

Good for telling the children. You did well in your conversation with them. Now they are not wondering what is wrong in their family. Knowledge is power for them for their lives.

Good on the exposure.

You can't possibly know what is going on in affair-land and it would only bring you pain if you did.

The truth being out is powerful all on its own. Whatever happens from here. Whether the affair drags on or not. It does not define YOU and it is not a secret you are part of. Your exposing the truth is a statement in your own self worth and boundaries.

Bravo.

Downnout,

I have had 5 promotions at work in the last nine years, never been in trouble with the law, and stopped cold turkey November 1st.

So you're doing well at work, gave up drinking, becoming more of an open and honest person, standing up to an affair that may have gone on for a decade and becoming a better father.

You don't sound like someone who is down and out you sound like someone who is going through a personal renaissance.

Your WW on the other hand will have to forge a relationship with an OM without support of anyone but each other. They can claim to care less about their reputations, but it will matter more and more as their relationship becomes more and more strained.

God Bless
Gamma

thanks for the support all, just trying to go day by day. Divorce is final at the end of this month. For some reason I still hold on to a shred of hope that things will turn... silly huh, what a messed up thought process...

I cant stand her, but my stomach turns at the thought of them together. The OM maybe holding my kids during a movie or whatever.

Thoughts... all day long... everyday...

Feel like YELLING "THIS IS MINE! I built this family! Thats my wife and my KIDS! GO BUILD YOUR OWN!!!"

Actually, that exactly what exposure does. It lets the world know that this family is yours and you're going to fight for it.

As far as the church is concerned. Was this your church also? Whether it was or not, the pastor needs to know that there is a wolf in his congregation. The POSOM will be his responsibility after that, but he does deserve to know to protect the remainder of his flock.