Hooray LO.

It seems like you and your wife are on your way to have a recovered M.

Schedule your UA time and follow POJA.

POJA
Policy of Undivided Attention

LO, please introduce your wife to this program and start using it. Don't stop now!

Ditto!!

Also would be a good time for each of you to write your EP's for each other.
Extraordinary Precautions by HerPapaBear

Lightsout,

Good work exposing to OMW, you've really made a clean sweep of that ugly chapter in your life.

I think most people wish someone would be brave enough to come forward and tell them the truth about their lives.

God Bless
Gamma

Thanks Gamma I had decided that I wasn't going to live the way I had lived for years. Saying that had I known about the OS and that my W had been dumped by the OM I probably would not have let her come home at that time. But I did and now I am glad I did things are going well now. W is relieved and I am relieved that the truth was finally told. I can already see a change for the good in our relationship.

I have told my W that if she has anything that she thinks I would like to know I can work through anything except finding something out from someone other than her.

Having just read your post to MSS, I find it abhorrent that you would answer your wife's final, long delayed honesty with threats and preparations to divorce her after making this promise to her.

Dude, that is just plain wrong.

NeverGuessed I am not going to divorce her at this point. I prayed for a confession and the lord answered my prayers just not the way I would have liked. 3 one night stands and the first was with my former best friend who denied it. The other 2 she doesn't remember their names. I knew there was something to the first but the second 2 totally blinded sided me. This is something that happened in 1991 and now is as fresh as yesterday. I thought we were past all of this. At sixty it is time to enjoy life instead of worrying who your mate has been sleeping with. Guess I should have STD test run even though it has been over 20 years.

I am not going to divorce her at this point.

Most excellent, my friend!

You will have help/support/empathy here as long as you need it. And, hey! We sixty-year-olds have to band together! I plan to make the NEXT sixty even more...exuberant!

Well, I am sixty (for a few more days). So, I guess I can jump in here.

Lightsout, when your wife took the polygraph last year, was there a question about having any other affairs besides the one you knew about?

Does your wife want a recovered marriage? Is she aware that as long as she is dishonest, a recovered marriage can never happen? I would not be surprised if she has even more to tell. I think she knows exactly who these other men were.

Maybe I missed it in your thread. Does your wife have EPs in place? Is there transparency between you? How much time do you spend together?


What a waste of money on a counselor! You would have been better off spending the money on some manly hobby, woodworking or model railroading or whatever you like.

AM

Armymom there were questions about another affair but the affairs have been over for 22 to 23 years. What really get me is one of them was my best friend 2 others where younger that her(later twenties) and she picked them up in a bar and took them to her apartment the first night she met them. What an idiot.

Lightsout,

So, do you and your wife have EPs in place? How much time do you spend together?

AM

Armymom we have EP's that don't mean anything to her obviously. We have at least 20 hours a week. Right now I have not made up my mind as to whether I want to continue in this 23 year old lie. Have a meeting with our pasture this evening that will decide the direction my old life takes.

Lightsout,

I'm so sorry. What made her tell you everything last night? If I recall correctly, didn't you have her take a polygraph?

I hate to ask, but were any of the affairs before your DD was born?

What does this mean? Does she spend time alone? go places without you? Hide passwords? Or are you talking about her hiding the additional affairs?

Why did she tell you last night? What made it come up?

AM

We started going back to church after being out for 30 years. I had a feeling that the truth had not been told so I prayed for a number and a confession. The number I kept coming up with was 3. That night she told me she had to tell me that she had been bothered for about 2 weeks. The number of affair partners was 3 all one night stands. What hurts the most was one was my best friend or should I say ex friend. He continues to deny it. The first was about 3 years after DD was born. My ex friend was also having an affair with another one of my friends but he committed suicide or I would have told him. I knew something was wrong because my wife was always happy to see this POSOM until the affair the her demeanor toward him changed. I suspected something then but had no proof even accusing her of sleeping with him. I am positive this time this is all the truth All this started 25 or 26 years ago. I am still PO she did not tell me the truth years ago if she had she would be a distant memory today.

I am still PO she did not tell me the truth years ago if she had she would be a distant memory today.

Yeah, well, I am still PO that I did not sink everything I had into IBM in the early '90s when it traded at $48.00.

Okay, take TODAY, and milk that emotion for all it's worth. Squeeze every drop of venom out of the serpent and discard it - here, if that is your best option. Stew, dwell, chew, massage every possible thought, inkling and fantasy about "what might have been".

Then return to the world of adult living, my friend, and start following the guidelines here, 100%, and thereby build the life such that in twenty more years, you can look back and say, "I am glad that 40 years ago I did not have the opportunity to throw all this away."

I'll be back tomorrow to get you re-started.

Well the lies just keep coming. My W told me last night that one of the guys was actually one of the people she worked with. She also told me it was more than a one night stand. I think this marriage of about 40 years is over. The last 20 have been nothing but a lie. I am a complete idiot for not divorcing her 20 years ago but this time I am going after part of her retirement not that I need it but as pay back.

Sorry, bud

In the words of the internet generation, "I know that feel!" It wasn't 20 years worth, but it was 9 years. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you've probably already thought of this yourself...there may be more that she isn't telling you.

Do you want to recover this marriage? Don't answer right now, because right now you're going to say "[expletive deleted] NO!" Regardless of the outcome, you deserve the truth. Get the poly, but be prepared that she may not remember their names. My WW didn't, and this was confirmed on the poly.

Try to take care of yourself, Lightsout.

AJ I know the names of all involved except the one she had a one night stand with. The first was my best friend. This woman was a virgin whenever I met her now she has turned into a real slut. I couldn't get a BJ but everyone else could. Is this marriage over? that is something I can't answer right now but I am almost 60 and have know this slut 40 years. That is 2/3's of my life that is a lot to throw away but living with the pain may be worth me cutting my losses and walking at least for my sanity.