My wife had an affair several years ago so I had little trust. I found that she was texting in a very flirtacious manner to another man so I kept a closer watch on things. She has an iPhone so I found a program called decipher text messages. It allowed me to see her text messages including many that were deleted. However I found that in iTunes I had to select the option to not automatically sync and also to back up only that way she couldn't tell if I was checking. This worked well. What didn't work I don't know how to catch. On her iPad she would use the incognito function in safari and log into a secret shared email where they would message each other and just send it to that email, so it never went to a second email. In this manner they were able to message back and forth and I was none the wiser. She wound up confessing to a sordid 3 month affair. we are working things out and they look good. Trust will be hard as she was VERY good at living two lives. I actually thought that those months were good uh until I found out the truth. It started as flirting that she thought was innocent until he grabbed her and kissed her. She resisted for awhile then gave in. Once she gave in he owned her. Beware flirting. Flirting is not innocent to BOTH parties. I say flirting leads to f___ing.

Welcome to MB.

Do you have spyware on her iPad and phone? It will log all her activity. You would see messages she types.

Who was the OM? Did you expose?

What EPs has she put in place?

Have you seen this?
Recovery After an Affair

Klove,

Are you interested in having a recovered, passionate marriage? When applied, MB plans can make your marriage better than it was before the affair.

I suggest reading the book, "Surviving an Affair". It lays out a map for recovery.

Welcome to MB.

AM

Which Spyware in particular is good for ipad?
The OM was a guy she met at the gym. She admitted to the affair and has severed all contact with him. She is getting several female friends to be contacts for her if she starts having trouble and we have changed gyms. I was having a very hard time with it until I found marriage builders. The sight has helped me make more sense of the situation and see where I was not meeting her needs. We are doing better. unfortunately she is pregnant and we don't know who the father is and he passed on at least one std to her (HPV) and we are checking for others. She was at a point where she just didn't care and decided to be selfish and she almost lost everything because of it. We revealed to his wife and she has forgiven my wife, but they are getting divorced (he didn't get std's from her before he passed to my wife)
We are hopeful and God is seeing us through it in amazing ways. We "stewed" over telling his wife and the day we contacted her was the day she prayed that God would give her direction in their marriage as it had not been good. Praise God

Try this out.

iPad keyloggers

she is pregnant and...he passed on at least one std to her (HPV) and we are checking for others...We revealed to his wife and she has forgiven my wife, but they are getting divorced (he didn't get std's from her before he passed to my wife)

...or the lying...woman...who is cozying up to you for protection in her "knocked up" condition got the STDs (and illegitimate spawn?) from yet another OM.

Remember, a wayward spouse rarely speaks the truth. FWIW, I do enjoy the mental image of WW, valiantly struggling to escape the cad's lustful embrace before pointing her toes to the ceiling and yielding.....regretfully. (And I bet each time was equally regretfully! ) It brings to mind Snidely Whiplash and Sweet Nell......

Better have a DNA test done as soon as the child is born.

For the first weeks after D-Day ww was lying through her teeth which was odd since she told me of the affair. Initially it was just making out and two sexual encounters. Every few days I would weezle out a truth and the pain would hit hard again We are going to counseling and she finally decided to let it all go. I beleive that it was just the one guy and he's a peice of work. The woman he is with now is his third wife and he's cheated on her before. his affair with my wife started at the end of september and he had slept with at least one woman over the spring/summer while coaching football in another country. He's 50 years old and ww is 31. He's a smooth talker. I'm thinking of a polygraph, but like I said we are doing very well now. I started this thread more to help others see what type of communication during affair can be tracked and what slips by. I'm focused on repair and being better at meeting her emotional needs while helping her find her weeknesses. We are planning a DNA test after birth.

My Full Story
I am 34 and fww is 31. We have two kids DS is 3 and DD is 6. We were married young but have been happy. When I was in college she went to dinner with her boss and on the way home he started touching her. she let him and they wound up having oral sex together. He was just moving to another state so there was no further contact. She told me a few months later (that was in 2003). She said she was flattered that a man as "great" as him would want her. Mind you my wife is smoking hot, she just doesn't see it. I forgave her but was never able to let it go. I dwelled on it and that led to me being emotionally distant. I worked a very tiring and stressfull job that left me drained and didn't give me much time in the day to communicate with her. This past summer we went to a marriage seminar at our church and worked things out. I was finally able to let go and trust her again. When I told her that she broke down in tears and told me how good it fealt to be trusted again. 1 or 2 months later she was cheating, all the while leading me to believe that everything was better. Turns out she was discontented and just going through the motions. We both go to the gym alot and men were "noticing" her and she liked it. She'd go early in the am so she could be home in time for me to go to work. At the end of her workout she'd sit in sauna for 15-20 minutes, thats where she met posom. He's typical football coach, knows what to say to make people feel good. So they talked and flirted. She thought it was innocent, and I told her that men do not see flirting as innocent. Flirting with a man is telling him that it is ok to proceed. Obviously she didn't listen. He made her feel good. She told me later that he would tell her she was beautiful. I tell her this all of the time, because she is gorgeous. "But I beleived it when he said it" Anyways they went on a hike (bad idea letting her go on recreational activities with om) but I was in a pickle. Did I trust her or not? She picked him up for hike and he kissed her, she resisted, then gave in. Groping and oral sex followed. she said she just didn't care anymore. She came home and acted as if nothing happened. She knew she made a mistake but instead of telling me there and ending it, she talked to him more and that led to sex. She'd meet him before the gym, at the gym, in the steam room. She was his and she gave him what he wanted. She said she thought it would only last a short time as he was supposed to be leaving the country to coach again. well after two months she finally realized that he just wanted sex. Then she found out she was pregnant (We were also having sex) he recommended an abortion, he wasn't ready to be a father (he has grown up children already) but wanted to keep meeting her for sex. I started a new job at this time so she wan't able to go to gym in mornings and things fizzled out due to time constraints. She was still talking to him though. Some of the things that she had said or ways she acted made me just a bit suspicious so I asked her if there was any chance the baby wasn't mine. She looked me in the eyes and said no, I beleived her. The next night she told me, leaving some things out "to protect me". the next few weeks were hell and every once in awhile with prodding she would reveal more, or admit to lies. But she ceased all contact with him. We worked on things for th enext month. I tried several times to get om to meet me over coffe and talk but he didn't have the courage to respond. We finall aggreed to tell OM's wife. She had suspected, but like I said, he's a good talker. So we met with her and fww told everything and answered any questions. They are getting a divorce. fww and I are working on things and the pain is much less. Our marriage is better now then it has been in years, but I need to focus on it not happening again. Her pitfalls are that she likes male attention and she didn't see flirting as bad. She also didn't see flaunting what God gave her as bad, she wanted male attention (alot of that came from her discontentment) With the Grace of God we are healing and trying to avoid LBers and keep our family together. She is learning through our counseler how to be content even when things aren't rainbows and lollypops.

Here are some good things to read.
Mulan's Long Rant on Flirting
Are Friends a Threat to Your Marriage?

What extraordinary precautions has your WW put in place?
What boundaries has she put in place?

Have you read all the articles in here?

Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

bh here. D-day was 2/2, she admitted to me without prompting. fww claims no contact. We have told his spouse, they are getting divorce. We are recovering very well. Does exposure to others come in at this stage since She is no longer in affair?
Also, I beleive her about no contact and she told him she won't contact him again. Does she need to write a NC letter? If so what should it entail?

Ask the MODS to merge your threads so posters know all the details.

Please watch this.

Infidelity: What Every Couple Should Know

We've watched the video. It seems with exposure it is to "stop" an affair. We are well on the road of recovery.

My Full Story
I am 34 and fww is 31. We have two kids DS is 3 and DD is 6. We were married young but have been happy. When I was in college she went to dinner with her boss and on the way home he started touching her. she let him and they wound up having oral sex together. He was just moving to another state so there was no further contact. She told me a few months later (that was in 2003). She said she was flattered that a man as "great" as him would want her. Mind you my wife is smoking hot, she just doesn't see it. I forgave her but was never able to let it go. I dwelled on it and that led to me being emotionally distant. I worked a very tiring and stressfull job that left me drained and didn't give me much time in the day to communicate with her. This past summer we went to a marriage seminar at our church and worked things out. I was finally able to let go and trust her again. When I told her that she broke down in tears and told me how good it fealt to be trusted again. 1 or 2 months later she was cheating, all the while leading me to believe that everything was better. Turns out she was discontented and just going through the motions. We both go to the gym alot and men were "noticing" her and she liked it. She'd go early in the am so she could be home in time for me to go to work. At the end of her workout she'd sit in sauna for 15-20 minutes, thats where she met posom. He's typical football coach, knows what to say to make people feel good. So they talked and flirted. She thought it was innocent, and I told her that men do not see flirting as innocent. Flirting with a man is telling him that it is ok to proceed. Obviously she didn't listen. He made her feel good. She told me later that he would tell her she was beautiful. I tell her this all of the time, because she is gorgeous. "But I beleived it when he said it" Anyways they went on a hike (bad idea letting her go on recreational activities with om) but I was in a pickle. Did I trust her or not? She picked him up for hike and he kissed her, she resisted, then gave in. Groping and oral sex followed. she said she just didn't care anymore. She came home and acted as if nothing happened. She knew she made a mistake but instead of telling me there and ending it, she talked to him more and that led to sex. She'd meet him before the gym, at the gym, in the steam room. She was his and she gave him what he wanted. She said she thought it would only last a short time as he was supposed to be leaving the country to coach again. well after two months she finally realized that he just wanted sex. Then she found out she was pregnant (We were also having sex) he recommended an abortion, he wasn't ready to be a father (he has grown up children already) but wanted to keep meeting her for sex. I started a new job at this time so she wan't able to go to gym in mornings and things fizzled out due to time constraints. She was still talking to him though. Some of the things that she had said or ways she acted made me just a bit suspicious so I asked her if there was any chance the baby wasn't mine. She looked me in the eyes and said no, I beleived her. The next night she told me, leaving some things out "to protect me". the next few weeks were hell and every once in awhile with prodding she would reveal more, or admit to lies. But she ceased all contact with him. We worked on things for th enext month. I tried several times to get om to meet me over coffe and talk but he didn't have the courage to respond. We finall aggreed to tell OM's wife. She had suspected, but like I said, he's a good talker. So we met with her and fww told everything and answered any questions. They are getting a divorce. fww and I are working on things and the pain is much less. Our marriage is better now then it has been in years, but I need to focus on it not happening again. Her pitfalls are that she likes male attention and she didn't see flirting as bad. She also didn't see flaunting what God gave her as bad, she wanted male attention (alot of that came from her discontentment) With the Grace of God we are healing and trying to avoid LBers and keep our family together. She is learning through our counseler how to be content even when things aren't rainbows and lollypops.

Exposure is much, much more than that. Exposure to family and close friends gives support to the marriage. The more people who know, the more people to hold your wife accountable. Dr Harley recommends that family, friends and any other key people in your lives are made aware of the affair.

Could you please break that up into paragraphs so folks can read it? thanks.

Here is the no contact letter that is in Surviving an AFfair. I would pick up that book and follow the program in it. That will get your marriage back on track.



here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Close family should know. Didn't you already tell some of your family?

Have you discussed how NC for life, with OM, needs to be a must?