Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
When Scotland was first in Plan B, she struggled with annoying thoughts/longings about her WH (living with OW).

We brainstormed & came up with the "loony jar".
Scotland lives in Canada. The Canadian Govt. made some new coins with ducks (loons) on them.
Every time she caught herself thinking or talking about WH, she put a loon in the jar. The kids (2 sons) helped her. They loved the "loony jar". When there was enough coins, they went out for family fun night using the loons.

Just an idea.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Dr Harley
Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery. In many cases, once an affair has ended, a betrayed spouse makes the mistake of taking the wayward spouse back before an agreement is made regarding marital recovery. This leads to a return to all the conditions that made the affair possible -- love is not restored, resentment is not overcome, and there is a very great risk for another affair. Without agreement and subsequent implementation of a plan for recovery, the betrayed spouse is better off continuing with plan B.

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 594
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 594
For any plan to work, there is one condition.

You have to follow it.

Until you are through playing at it, I am through.

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
Understood I will make it impossible for any contact other than through the IC.


BS
Married going to be 24 years May 13, 2013
Together 28 years
2 adult children
D-Day 3/28/2012 (day of 1st separation)

Separated again 3/12/13
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Pepperband
When Scotland was first in Plan B, she struggled with annoying thoughts/longings about her WH (living with OW).

We brainstormed & came up with the "loony jar".
Scotland lives in Canada. The Canadian Govt. made some new coins with ducks (loons) on them.
Every time she caught herself thinking or talking about WH, she put a loon in the jar. The kids (2 sons) helped her. They loved the "loony jar". When there was enough coins, they went out for family fun night using the loons.

Just an idea.

I really like this idea I think I'll use it!


BS
Married going to be 24 years May 13, 2013
Together 28 years
2 adult children
D-Day 3/28/2012 (day of 1st separation)

Separated again 3/12/13
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449

From the "How to Plan B Correctly" thread (I see that it was posted to you earlier.)

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

Quote
IF THE WS ATTEMPTS CONTACT
IGNORE HIM/HER if it comes in the form of a phone call, email, text message, etc. Let the IM know and ask the IM to reiterate to the WS again that all contact MUST go through the IM.

If it�s in person, walk away. My H caught me in our garage one day, he was early picking the kids up and I was not yet locked in the safety of the house. He commented that he liked my new haircut. I smiled and quickly walked in the house. I did NOT talk to him or thank him for the compliment.


Your WH is going to be that much more persistent now because you just told him that you don't mean what you say. Not good.

Do you want help to have an airtight Plan B or???



Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Originally Posted by princefan86
Understood I will make it impossible for any contact other than through the IC.

What changes are you going to make?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Why in the world is he able to call you on your cell phone????

PF, why didn't you answer this?

I see that mmmherb also tried to address this issue w/you earlier in the thread and you kind of blew him off.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
You just taught him that if he is persistant enough you WILL answer his call.

You have to change your cell phone number - or learn how to BLOCK his calls.

You **like** knowing that he's trying, don't you?
But you need to understand that you just made Plan B a little less painful to him....he just got a "fix"....now he can go back to affair-land a little bit longer....and next time he needs a fix, he'll just call 30 times instead of 20...cuz you'll answer....

You just helped the affair last a little bit longer....
Was that what you wanted?


Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Lexxxy
You just helped the affair last a little bit longer....

Yup.

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Why in the world is he able to call you on your cell phone????

PF, why didn't you answer this?

I see that mmmherb also tried to address this issue w/you earlier in the thread and you kind of blew him off.

Susie in all of this I have changed my phone number 5 times so much so that my own family cant keep track of it. I have two elderly parents and my mom is very forgetful, she can't remember my number any more. I was really thinking of her when I decided not to change my number this time again.


BS
Married going to be 24 years May 13, 2013
Together 28 years
2 adult children
D-Day 3/28/2012 (day of 1st separation)

Separated again 3/12/13
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
[quote=SusieQ
Your WH is going to be that much more persistent now because you just told him that you don't mean what you say. Not good.

Do you want help to have an airtight Plan B or???

[/quote]


He wouldn't have known that I meant not to speak to him as he never read the letter.


BS
Married going to be 24 years May 13, 2013
Together 28 years
2 adult children
D-Day 3/28/2012 (day of 1st separation)

Separated again 3/12/13
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
BTW my parents live in a different state in the other side of the country so I don't see them often and my number is the only way my family can get in touch with me especially if there is an emergency.


BS
Married going to be 24 years May 13, 2013
Together 28 years
2 adult children
D-Day 3/28/2012 (day of 1st separation)

Separated again 3/12/13
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by princefan86
He wouldn't have known that I meant not to speak to him as he never read the letter.

Reminder:
He's a liar.

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Originally Posted by princefan86
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Why in the world is he able to call you on your cell phone????

PF, why didn't you answer this?

I see that mmmherb also tried to address this issue w/you earlier in the thread and you kind of blew him off.

Susie in all of this I have changed my phone number 5 times so much so that my own family cant keep track of it. I have two elderly parents and my mom is very forgetful, she can't remember my number any more. I was really thinking of her when I decided not to change my number this time again.

You can block him, PF. Why isn't he blocked?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449


Originally Posted by princefan86
He wouldn't have known that I meant not to speak to him as he never read the letter.

First of all, BEFORE you break Plan B, talk to us to let us help you with whatever issue you believe needs to be addressed.

Secondly, I posted to you a solution to this problem but you obviously didn't read it or don't want to hear it. Here, again:

Quote
IF THE WS ATTEMPTS CONTACT
IGNORE HIM/HER if it comes in the form of a phone call, email, text message, etc. Let the IM know and ask the IM to reiterate to the WS again that all contact MUST go through the IM.



Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 81
Well I guess at this point I may need to explain a little more, financially I have had to cut corners all around. The state I live in is a no fault state, even it it wasn't I was the main bread winner of the family but not by much.

Because of the loss of income on his end I have had to cut corners to simply get by. That mean using a prepaid phone carrier that carrier does not do number blocking. The most I can do is on my phone send his calls directly to voice mail. Which I have done today just in hopes to deter any more contact.

My financial situation also makes it difficult to do the wonderful me things I want to do, like travel and take classes. Unless its free I can't take part of it. I have a pretty inexpensive place to live, and my children although attending school have jobs and help as much as they can with what they earn but it is tight.

Its not that I am not willing to do all these big steps its that I have to find a way to do them on my budget.


BS
Married going to be 24 years May 13, 2013
Together 28 years
2 adult children
D-Day 3/28/2012 (day of 1st separation)

Separated again 3/12/13
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 594
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 594
Do you even have an IM? I don't think I have seen you mention one.

These plans are specific for a reason.

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Originally Posted by princefan86
Well I guess at this point I may need to explain a little more, financially I have had to cut corners all around. The state I live in is a no fault state, even it it wasn't I was the main bread winner of the family but not by much.

Because of the loss of income on his end I have had to cut corners to simply get by. That mean using a prepaid phone carrier that carrier does not do number blocking. The most I can do is on my phone send his calls directly to voice mail. Which I have done today just in hopes to deter any more contact.

My financial situation also makes it difficult to do the wonderful me things I want to do, like travel and take classes. Unless its free I can't take part of it. I have a pretty inexpensive place to live, and my children although attending school have jobs and help as much as they can with what they earn but it is tight.

Its not that I am not willing to do all these big steps its that I have to find a way to do them on my budget.

Then you need to change the number, pf. If you changed it five times, then six is not a big deal. Someone crossing off a number and writing down a new one, is not a big deal.

There is no excuse that will fly with me not to do this.

It should have been done in the first place and now that your WH knows he can get through, it becomes even more important.

This is a dealbreaker. If you are unwilling to do this, then you are not serious about Plan B.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by mmmherb
Do you even have an IM? I don't think I have seen you mention one.

Please respond. Thanks.

Page 8 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 665 guests, and 59 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Comfortable Shoe, Sourdine, Abela Laye, Ardent Center, Lost@1969
71,846 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5