I recently found out that my husband has for almost the past 3 months been having a sexual type "relationship" with this woman online that he knew from before we got together. This woman has always given me a bad feeling! Well the other day he "went to give her a ride somewhere" while I was at work. (didn't tell me about it) And something happened. Not actual intercourse according to both of them.(she thought she was talking to him when she told me.) and apparently he stopped her because he was ashamed and knew he was going to ruin our marriage. I tried to get past it... and start to work on it. Then I noticed an article of clothing of mine was missing. And when I confronted him he admitted to taking it to her to wear for him. Now I'm hurt all over. He is begging me to keep trying for us. That he was stupid and wasn't thinking and soooo sorry. But can I actually get past something like this? I'm looking for other points of advice. My sisters are mad for me... and they think I should leave him. But I still love him DESPERATELY!

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Have you read these?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Who is this OW? Is she married?

The OW is not married. She was a "friend" of his a long time ago. When he was going out drinking every night with his friends. And she used to crash at his house. He said he couldn't remember if they'd ever slept together during those times and she quickly said NO! which makes me think they did.

Wll your husband agree to end all contact with this woman?

They most certainly did and they are sleeping together now. Who takes an "article" of their wife's clothing for their OW to wear?! Sheesh...

The next step is to expose the affair

What was this item? Specifically.
It is might be very important.

This is sick. It smells perverted to me. Has your husband had any problems with ED? When you snoop on him, be on the lookout for porn use

That sounds like a graphic illustration of what Dr. Harley refers to as "the contrast effect" (when a husband views another woman in comparison with his wife).

He has already agreed to this. He has apologized a million times and begged me to keep our marriage together. And I do love him... but I'm so confused.

Specifically... I had bought a leather skirt to wear for him because it turns him on. I had gained some weight after our last child was born. So in the past year I haven't yet been able to get into it. I happen to be 40lbs lighter now and was looking for it when I noticed it was gone.

Would your husband agree to a polygraph? There's no way he has disclosed the whole truth yet.

Do you know if OW was ever in your house?
Edit to say:
There is a very good chance OW was in your bedroom. In your closet. And in your bed.

De-confuse yourself.
Require certain steps be done to make the marriage safe and affair-proof.
One step is that you require he take a polygraph. I think he's covering up some stuff.
Specifically, she was in your bed until your WH proves otherwise.

Apologies are worthless when it comes to the issue of safe-guarding and affair-proofing your marriage.

Have you read SAA?

Confusion is a clue that you are being told half truths/half lies that just make no sense.

Do not skip this step ~~~> *** START HERE ***

Read all the links.
SAA = the book Surviving An Affair

PS:

Do NOT tell your H about this forum. Premature to trust him with this information.

Put a GPS on your H's vehicle.
Do not let him know.
You need to de-confuse by getting validated information.

Link to GPS info

Now, click to carrot/stick link in my signature line.
You are "in Plan A".
This is not to be discussed with your H.
Plan A is a carrot and a stick. BOTH.
Your step after getting the GPS in place is to expose his affair.
Why after the GPS? Because WH may take a drive over to see/meet OW after exposure. You need to know where he is after exposure.
Plus, WH will be watchful of your actions after exposure. Much more than now.

You must declare war on the adultery. You are not at war with your husband, but with his suspicious behaviors and his (not-so-subtle) lies.

She has been in my home... ONCE! I let her stay. Years ago... around 2 months after she found him on facebook ( Oh remember me?) she had told us that she was a recovering alcoholic. And she was very nice to me, and I briefly reffered to her as a friend. But it was always more of an acquaintance. She invited me to lunch and to go AA meetings with her. But I could never bring myself to go. Anyway she had called late crying and said the guy she was dating had beat her and threatened to kill her. So she asked if she could stay at our house til morning then she'd go to her mom's. I said yes. Once she got there she tried to get my husband to stay up and watch a movie with her. But when he came to bed with me... she looked upset. We awoke in the morning to a note that said I shouldn't have come here. Sorry!
BUt I know she hasn't been in my house any other time... My Father is a kinda big guy... Who used to be a truck driver until Diabetes took one eye... Now he is on disability and lives with us. He is always home. He would Kill my husband if he EVER brought another woman to the house.

Make full STD testing a requirement.