Is there a 3 week accelerated program, I'd kind of like to get this over with:).

Not sure about three weeks, but a WS experiencing that "What the hell was I thinking?" epiphany, and doing all possible to help, will shorten the cycle.

I sin every day. I did not insinuate it was right, but it sure as hell brought me pleasure. I was the apitomy of respect and they started pissing their pants because of their own wild imaginations. Have you read Proverbs 6? And for the record, they knew the OM was trying to get my wife in bed--the guy I called even said as much when I spoke to them. I have to specifically name them and their actions in my prayers of forgiveness every week or so just to stay sane. Guilty and scared for good reasons--none of which are due to me.

Still, who cares about all that, I have a marriage to save and need you're help--lets focus on that.

Having timetable and expectations will only disappoint and discourage you.

This works, but it is not an exact science.

The outcome is not a forgone conclusion.

Not trying to discourage you, just be realistic.

This is the common double edge MB sword. Not MB fault, but it happens over and over.

You come here without hope and a plan. Here you find both. So the outcome is guaranteed, because you want it so much. Not so much.

Take care of your side of the fence. Keep expectations in check.

Like manna in the desert, only one day at a time.

Once again, a blast from the past

It will make this much harder if she goes to stay with her mother. She will be able to contact the OM from there too. And since your MIL is not very savvy, contact will be easier, not harder. You can't stop her, but I sure wouldn't encourage it!

You might want to just take a neutral approach to her going away so she doesn't use leaving as a punishment.

Oh, that is huge. How did you know I was hanging on her every word, touch, facial expression for some sign of improvement???

I'm trying to get this concept down--but I fluctuate in and out of it.

As a self professed military guy , you will appreciate this oldie-but-goodie MB post. The Art of War - Sun Tzu


We go to war against adultery, not against the spouse who is lost.

Been there, done that.

You are not alone.

This link is to encourage you in your prayer life. It was written by another Christian warrior who battled his wife's infidelity .... and WON!

Mortorman -[color:#CC0000] Walls and Doors[/color]

I wrote this, inspired by our pastor one Sunday ... and I adapted Pastor's sermon to these forums. It's linked in my sig line.


Thinking about this quote in the context of a wayward mind ....

1. Deception.
We talk about wayward "fog", which is verbal expression of the self deception that goes on in a wayward mind. Deception which allows a so called "normal" person to commit adultery. "The enemy" is the ultimate liar. What deception does is this, deception makes swallowing a deadly poison seem like a desirable choice. This is the point in adultery where the waywards telling themselves lies might be shocked into reality by exposure. perhaps not, but it is possible. Truth & light are kryptonite to the deception. I am talking about the wayward losing his/her mind.

2. Hardening.
Now, about the wayward's heart. It hardens. The wayward heart becomes callous. The wayward heart becomes closed off and insensitive to the pain and devastation their adultery causes. The wayward can even accept the broken hearts of their own children if that pain supports their adultery. The wayward becomes impervious to empathy. Cry all you want, your tears have no meaning for the hardened heart of a lost wayward. Your tears, your pain only annoy the hardened wayward heart.


3. Destruction.
And finally, the wayward's soul. The sin of adultery destroys the wayward's soul. The spiritual essence of humanity is nowhere to be found in the wayward. Integrity has been cast off in order for the adultery to continue. The wayward does not go on his/her merry way unscathed. The wayward is the most wounded of all. The destruction of a once beautiful soul, now made ugly by sin, is heartbreaking.


There is a progression to this loss.
Humans are vulnerable to temptation.
Temptation feels good.
But, giving into the sin, and living in the sin is life changing.
Soul changing.

We can actually SEE it sometimes.
We can actually SEE the cold eyes of the hardened heart.
We can actually SEE the lifeless eyes of the soulless.

Have you been able to verify who this news came from?

I don't know whether you are deliberately missing my point, or so defensive about this topic that you genuinely missed it. I've said repeatedly that OM's colleagues--who've had nothing whatsoever to do with this situation--shouldn't have been made to fear for their lives. If I worked there and heard a rumor that an enraged, betrayed husband might barge into the office and go postal, I'd have been afraid, too! When you have an enormous collection of knives, guns, and ammunition, common sense dictates that you shouldn't go around saying you want to kill someone. That is almost like yelling "fire" in a crowded movie theatre. This is not a gun debate; this is about respecting people's right to feel safe. So get off your high horse.

The BH has made a request that we help him with his M.

Jessica, where did he threaten to kill anyone? I have read through this thread and must have missed it. The impression I have is that this man - THE VICTIM HERE - has been treated like a killer only because he owns guns. How retarded is that?

The threat to these people comes from the OM since he brought all this drama on the rest of them. Getting beat up and/or killed is a JOB HAZARD of screwing someone's spouse. It was the OM who created this risk, not this man. This BH did not have an affair, he did not ask for this situation.

J.U.S.T S.T.O.P.

My basic point is that you can't justify yelling "fire!" in a crowded movie theatre just because POSOM happens to be one of the people in the theatre.

If MTW is in Plan A, he should be trying to make himself more appealing to his wife, not scare her away by making threatening statements that make her fear he is coming unhinged.

Okay, I'm done now. I'll stop.

I thought this was quite creative! And I thought immediately of NG! Well I kind of like the dead fish idea. Was it on here that I read the story about the smelly stuff in the curtain rods? Ha. I agree that MTW is likely venting and not dangerous at all. Though I don't like guns AT ALL. How does your wife feel about guns?
I agree that a symbolic gesture of quitting your hobby before you get around to discussing it will be greatly appreciated. And the diamond ring, well let's just say diamonds are a girl's best friend. So yeah... good suggestion!

Trust the Kahuna

I've gone back and read EVERY ONE of MTW's posts. He said that his WW had said she was scared he would kill OM. He said the OM was scare of him hurting him. I think he said a man he told at OM's work may have put out that he was angry and coming to the workplace. MTW said he has never made any threats at all. If I am wrong, I would be happ to be corrected, but from my perspective it is ALL in the OM and WW's minds and they are gaslighting these others. Don't blame MTW for what OM and WW are doing!

oh gee I posted before I read page 2! Um yeah, love that kahuna post, and agree that WW should stay home. Can you get MIL to say now is not a good time?