Been married 21 years, 5 kids, 23, 21, 19, 18, 17.

About 1.5 years ago I decided that with the kids growing up so fast and ready to be totally out the door, that our marriage better get some spice or it was going to end. We have had no communication, no recreational time otgether, no sex and love? whats that? I begged him for attention. PLEASE pay attention to me, take the time for me.. I am lonely. Apparently he wasnt listening.

So over the past couple years the marriage has been on auto pilot. Went to our son's bachelor party (jan. 2013) where the H decided to do a mating dance with a young chick in front of family friends etc. I was hurt, devestated and embarrassed. He claims drunken behavior doesnt remember. I filed for divorce Feb. 28, 2013.

going back a few months I began haveing a friendship with a male friend. FRiendship, not relationship. He was very attentive. Very supportive. Very nice. It was inappropriate. It turned into an emotional affair, it seemed more quickly than I realized. I ended it first week of march. If I couldtn talk to my H I had no business talking to anyone as long as I am married. Ok.. so what?

The judge denied our divorce. We had agreed on paper that our last two kids living at home would live with each parent. We STILL live in the same house. I have been unable to physically leave due to limited funds. The judge decided that in order for him to grant the divorce we would need to 1. be living seperate. 2. both children with one parent 3. the other parent paying child support 4. better visitation ideas. MY CHILDREN ARE 17 AND 18! not 3 and 4. Anyway.. here it is. Disfuction at its best: We are still living in the same house. We are back to being in the same bed. YET my things are still in the living room on the temp bed in there.. we agreed to wait on the divorce so that we can afford to live without complications from child support and visitatin etc. So we are doing what? pretending? he has said he is done.. i was done.. so we are doing what? is this totally screwed up or what? Are we not setting ourselves up for a real wreck? I did find that right after I left for a couple weeks, he had a couple women from match.com already lined up and he was conversing regular with them. He says that he isnt any longer now that "i am back" but I feel so confused. SO confused about what my role is.. what we are doing.. we cannot talk. especially about anything personal. I have no idea what to do next.

Huh?
Where do you live?

EWO,

Recognize that you need to clean the wounds first before amputating the limbs.

Your H's mental straying and your straying are the cause not the effect of your marital troubles.

Apply radical honesty and call us in the morning, now read other peoples threads here on MB.

God Bless
Gamma

Why don't you save your marriage? You can turn your marriage around with a little work. Your problem is not "communication" but that you have fallen out of love. How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage