(From a few days ago)
I would be careful about getting involved in a long term plan that is based on her current level of stupidity. That could be overturned in the years to come by a good lawyer, then you are stuck.
There is no easy way to do divorce. It is painful from the start and only gets so much better.

Have you read SAA? Have you listened to the radio show? Have you considered calling the show?
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Plan B should afford you some more time to focus on those things -- your mind won't be as cluttered up with the goings on of your crazy wayward.

opt

How do i go about getting them merged? I'm fine with that if a mod wants to. My lawyer told me property division is final and cant be reversed. The kids things can change. I still dont really want a divorce but looking back on it our 13 years have been filled with nothing but lies from her. She lies to everyone about everything and im not sure she can change that. Honesty is a huge EN for me, probably because of the deceit but she may never meet that. I havent read SAA yet but have listened to the show. After exposing the texts to her BF they are attempting to bring me down emotionally on FB with the i love you so much more than i could ever love anyone posts. I just blocked them and told my friends to not mention her foolish actions to me anymore. Sad how they make themselves seem so immature but in their eyes they're the center of attention.

Tbh honest im not sure yet how to deal with an emergency situation. Thursday i already have an issue because our youngest daughter has downs, her kindergarten registration is at 1. I will not miss it and i know she'll be there.

Just hit Notify and ask the MODS to merge your threads.

No real reason to move it now. People have started talking, this nonsense goes back atleast 8 years. She ran a movie theatre, was bringing guys in all the time taking the upstairs for hours on end. Wasnt working her required hours and paying employees cash to cover for her while she went out and slept around. Makes sense, could never figure out why we were always short on money. I dont want her back period. She'll never change and i realize i think im alot happier and better off without her.

At some point along the way I was explaining to someone much older than me what I had been going through. I was probably in the phase of waiting for the divorce to be final, if memory serves. When I got to the part about how she had boyfriends he said to me "Oh, so she made it easy for you."

Maybe not the most MB of philosophies, but it hit home at the time. At some point the boundaries have to be strong enough and high enough for them to do what they are supposed to do: give us an opportunity to self-preserve.

I know this was tough news to hear, bha, but it's like the original d-day thing: at least you can operate in the light of reality.

I hope MB has helped you navigate this ugliness. I know for me, I don't know where I would be if I had not subscribed the MB mentality -- in areas of life and love and raising kids and eliminating LB's; it gave me a sense that things I previously thought were uncontrollable could actually be controlled. By understanding myself and taking responsibility (which isn't always easy), I have wayyyyyy less drama in my life. It's a good way to live.

Plan B will help you maintain your path to the truth and focus on what's important.

opt

yes this place has helped. I might not have followed the plans to a T, and probably screwed up alot along the way. But i now realize she wanted the security of a marriage. Not the love and relationship. She knew i was responsible to take care of the kids, keep the house up and keep getting us out of the financial hole. Its still sad, very sad because i do love her, i always will. But there is no way this can ever be repaired. I've learned alot about emotional needs and problems i did have. She's had a cheater phone for the better part of 6 years. I can look back and see it now. Our marriage went in 2 month spurts. 2 bad months where i could do nothing right, 2 where i was the perfect husband. The in and outs of her affairs.

Its sad really, she'll never find true happiness. Will always be chasing that high. I came here way back when i had suspicions, printed out the questionnaires tried to get her to fill them out. Never would do it. But if a person doesnt see a fault theres no desire to change. All i hope now is i can get custody of the girls and keep the house. They dont need to be raised with men in and out of their lives. And its funny i always wondered but could never catch anything. Then i'd tell myself nah she wouldnt do that. Now that im on the other side of it all i can look back and pick it all out and say yep shoulda seen that.

You may still find the book Surviving an Affair helpful. Also the radio show -- it's good to have a full perspective and understnading of how adultery works and how insidious it is.

Even though you are recognizing things you could have done differently, you could have done everythign right and she still might have cheated (probably would from the sounds of it). SAA will show you what's involved and how to avoid the scenario in future relationships.

And the material applies to many aspects of life, so I hope yo will continue to be a student of MB. As much as it's helped so far, it can continue to do so the more you learn - that's me speaking from experience!

opt

Amen brother