I don't have a plan to get the OM's Wife. Can't get past the code on her phone to get in do have access to the laptop so I can put a keylogger on. Only plan is to put a keylogger on the laptop and see if I can track her down that way. Do know his address but they are separated. Do know that she texts him and I guess emails. When I am home she doesn't call anyone on the phone just texts. When I go to bed she goes to her own room and I can't say what happens at that point. So I think contact is now limited only because she is home and he is 500 miles away.

As far as the books I have Fall in Love Stay in Love, His Needs Her Needs, and Love Busters. I do not have Surviving an Affair. will look into getting it.
Put a plan together which started with trying to meet her emotional needs, Conversation, and Affection. Hard to engage her when she doesn't want me around. That leaves Affection hard to provide although I have been complimenting her. So we have been talking but mostly small talk and kid items. Looking for help with how I engage her and meet her needs. I am just trying small steps right now.

I want to sit down with her and lay out what I would like our marriage to be and tell her how I would get us to that point. Worried that it might be early in the game. She has only been home for 2 weeks although we have been at this game for nearly 9 months.

She just spied on me and found my daily journal and therapist notes. Texted me realy mad at what she read. Evan saying that I have misquoted her and am now writing every thing that we do and say. I texed back that these were private notes between my and in the case of my therapy, therapist. This will through a wrench in things because of the items in those notes.
Any thoughts on how to recover?

Ignore her anger. She is operating right now on the resentment that your exposure has shaken up her little fantasy island. Do not get defensive about, ashamed of, or embarrassed by, your efforts. She will continue to look for weaknesses in your position and commitment.

Your mantras remain:

"I did what I had to do to attempt to repair our marriage." (That covers journal and therapist notes.)

"We can recover our marriage if you decide to work with me on this."

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat,........

Enuff said

So last couple of days have been ok. 3/11 went out to birthday dinner, all of us wife and two kids. Good time we were laughin and having fun. She was a little cold towards me. Older man came to our table and told me I had a pretty daughter and wife and I should be gratefull. Told him I was and that they are very pretty. That made her unconfortable.

At home we are small talking, nothing serious. Bought birthday presents and had a fun birthday dinner for my daughter. Kids and wife flying out today to go and visit wife's parents and sister.
I will not be shown in a good light during that visit. But I need the 8 days to regroup.

Really trying to meet her needs for conversation and affection. But can't get past small talk. She will not even let me touch her so I can't give hugs or even touch her shoulder. Any ideas on what to do?

Ordered the Surviving an Affair book. Should arrive this week. Want to sit her down and tell her about my plan for saving the marriage but afraid it is too ealy. I know that she would say no.

I wouldn't tell her about the forums at all. Or your snooping techniques. Before you talk to her wait for the vets to weigh in on this.

Wife and kids took a flight home to visit her parents on Thursday. I have been texting my daughter and spoke with my son once. Also spoke with wife once for about 2 minutes. Nothing really to report of ask questions about, other than my question above. Return Saturday evening.
I am sure that her family and friends are telling her to get out and that I am all bad. On the phone she was more quiet than usual.
On a good note I know that she has not seen OM man in over three weeks. Pretty sure they still talk and text but she has not seen him. Still trying to meet her needs but difficult when she is not in town and also not willing to have her needs meet.

If physical touch isn't an option then use other forms of 'touching' her.

- When you talk with her don't crowd her but be close enough that it could feel intimate.
- When you are talking look into her eyes and do so in a warm manner. Have a loving, pleasant, soft demeanor. Have that nice little smile on your face.
- If playful nudges are an option try that.

I'm sorry but you have no idea whether she has seen him. He could have flown to where her parents are and met her while they looked after the kids and she went "shopping".

Do not agree to any more separations while you are in Plan A.

How isthe keylogger doing on her laptop? You need to get this done. If she is still in contact with him, your Plan A behaviour will be having very little effect. Also, you need to know what THEIR plans are.

Good ideas on meeting needs. Will start when she returns.
SugarCane, your right I don't know. Keylogger has been purchased and I know the password to the laptop. She took it with her so I have not checked. Will be able to look next week.

She texted me yesterday and has ran out of money. Her last paycheck was mailed to our house, she is out of town. Fed Ex left a sticker on the door. Financialy she is in poor shape. She has not asked me for anything.

Made it back home from her trip with the kids. During one of our conversatsion she mentioned that she had thought of working out our issues and getting back together. That was until I told everyone she was having an affair. Now she says that she will not. Still denies that she has had or is having an affair. Also says that she is not herself when I am around. That she is not the women she was 10 years ago when we meet.

When I check the phone calls from her cell, online as I don't have the code. And check the calls from the house phone she is not making any calls to OM.

If she is contacting him it is via text which I can only check from her cell phone itself. She keeps that pretty tight and it has a code. Computer keylogger isn't showing anything out of the ordinary. Gmail has nothing.

Small talk at home but at least she is talking. I added her to my health insurance plan and am giving her money. Trying to meet her emotional needs for conversation and affection but kind of tough when our conversations are mostly small talk. Do talk about feelings and day to day events. Affection is really hard as I get close to her and that appears to be ok but she doesn't want touched. Still trying and working to move forward.

Kids and I get along great and she is very jealous of that improved realationship. Mentioned that to me the other day. I told her that given the chance we can do the same with our marriage. She says that she can't do it.

Why don't you have the code to check the online phone records?

Do you pay the cell bill?

If she's having an affair that is a huge reason she will not let you get close to her.

No she pays the cell phone bill. I have the online code that I found in her gmail account. All it shows are outgoing calls.

At least she is home and not out traveling with her job. I believe that this affair will die a natural death. With me home trying to meet her needs while OM can't I bleive things will turn around.

If he is still meeting ANY of her needs, this affair may take longer to die than you would like. This is why ensuring no-contact is so important. I would be careful about providing financial support to her until you can ensure no contact, though I'll bow to the vets if they feel this is a good idea.

What kind of phone does she have? There are ways of getting the password...

My best guess is that he is meeting a need for conversation. Our conversations rarely hit feelings.

Last night she talked about how broke she is. All stressed out about being without money. Of course I added her to my bank account so that she would have some money and not worry and stress as much. Don't know if that was the right thing. Didn't see any comments about this.

We are getting the house ready to list for sale. Danced around the question of what happens when we sell this house. We can take the money and buy another or do something else. She was interesed in buying another house but mentioned that things would be as they are now and that her feelings have not changed towards me.

I was kind of hopefull when I heard her. She didn't say that she wants half the money and will go on her way. But not fully sure what that means. Don't want to stay the way we are now for a long time.

Don't think that was a good idea. Much of what she has said to you lately is foggy wayward crap. Did she or didn't she say she wants half the money? What plan A actions are you taking? She seems to be on the fence, you might be able to win her back still, but letting her cake eat by providing FS was not a good idea.

Have you found out and told OM's BW yet?