It's been a while since I've been on the forum. I originally came to get M help after conceiving a child from an A. Well, I can say that after immense obstacles and a lot of personal change and forgiveness on both parts, the MB program worked to keep our M together, if you stick to it. However, I come now not for myself but for a friend who thinks she is an affair addict. I have pushed the MB program for her to try, but she is convinced that she has an addiction to having A.

Some back-story: She has had over a dozen A in the past 4 years, all of which were months long, some still ongoing. She has kids, and her BH does not know about the A, and every counselor she sees suggests she go on medication. I'm not sure how medication will help, or if A addiction is "curable," or a real thing, even. I want to help her, but I don't know how, esp if she won't get on board with the MB program. Any suggestions for steps she can take, especially since she is a repeat offender? She desires to quit, but she gets incredibly depressed when she is not having an A. What the heck is wrong with her? I was most depressed DURING my A, but she is the opposite...can't get enough of it. I'm so baffled, I really don't understand her. Help?

Well, she does get terribly depressed during her affairs after the high wears off. It is like a crackhead. He gets a thrill from crack until the high wears off. Then dread, depression and self loathing sets in.

The way to solve the problem is for you to tell her husband. Her husband should tell everyone, the family, friends, and anyone else affected by her destructive behavior. The more people who know, the more people to hold her accountable. That is the first step.

The second step is to completely change her lifestyle so she can't have any more affairs. an affair proof marriage that is romantic and thrilling.

She is a serial cheater and they are addicted to affair. It can be resolved, but the most important and urgent issue is informing her husband so he can protect himself from her destructive behavior.

I am also puzzled why you have a hoe for a friend? She is obviously not friend material. How did this happen?

I cut the friendship off a few years ago when she told me about her A and refused to stop. Then shortly after we reconnected and resumed our friendship on the terms that she would tell her BH and stop. Well, a cheater, liar--same thing. I should have known she hadn't stopped or told her BH. Needless to say, I just found out the TRUTH and she is begging for me to help her, since she doesn't have anyone else. I wrote an anonymous letter to her BH but haven't sent it... hoping she would do the right thing herself. I suppose it's time to send it. Is there anything else she can do to stop? Her BH constantly romances her, dotes on her...why isn't that fulfilling her?

Oh no, don't send him an anonymous letter. He won't get e truth that way. Go tell him yourself and make sure they both know it was you. That is the kindest thing you can do for your friend.

She isnt fulfilled because her lovebank is closed to him.

wanthealing,

The first few months of the affair are the most intense, so your "friend" is like an addict moving from one drug to the next each time getting a higher high. It will not take too long for her to become infected with some horrible disease and pass it along to her BH.

Does your BH know about these conversations?

I applaud you if you help this woman stop these dead end behaviors, but you risk getting back in the affair lifestyle yourself

God Bless
Gamma

WH, be loud and proud when you expose to her husband so you can take full credit for it. His health is very much at risk because she exposes him to all manner of STDs. You have to tell him.

My BH has known for years but doesn't want to see him go through the pain of finding out. However, he is his best friend so he wants to be the one to tell him in person, especially since he's been through it.

This is his friend and he has not told him in all this time? What is his excuse for that? He has left his friend open to diseases. That is not the behavior of a friend. Your husband is part of the conspiracy.

Please make sure this BH is informed. All BSs wish someone would have told them sooner than when they found out.

Sitting by and doing nothing makes you and your BH part of the crime.

Is your friend married to this guy?

Wanthealing,

Given the careless affairs your friend is having many people know, not just you and your BH, do not allow the friends BH to be the last to know, please have some compassion.

God Bless
Gamma

My BH knows as much as I do. And yes, my friend is married with kids. Once we tell her BH, what step should she take next in case she or her BH wants guidance? I am not prepared for what to expect once we talk to him.

Send him here so we can help him.

So...we talked to my friend's BH and he now knows everything. He doesn't quite know what to do or how to feel, though. I told him about MB, but he didn't seem too committed to the idea. We'll see what happens.

Good for you!!

Wanthealing,

Thank You, it's horrible when your friends/family keep a destructive secret from you that's eating away at your life. It was brave of you to step up.

My FILs entire family knew about his extensive cheating and OCs, and by the time my MIL found out it was too late in her life to recover, I hope your act of kindness will be more effective.

God Bless
Gamma

Good job!!!

I am shocked. Today my friend's BH accused my BH and I of lying to him about his WW's affair! He doesn't believe us. Why would we lie to him about it? It doesn't benefit us to lie. If he wants to believe her lies and get an STD in the process, that's his problem, right? I am done with the friendship. My "friend" must really be an exceptional liar to convince him I lied--especially since her phone records prove her infidelity.

Is there a way for her BH to get copies of phone texts and pictures? One look at those records would be enough to prove everything... Or should I just let it go? I fear he's going to end up with a horrible disease all in the name of "trust" and "love."

So sorry. Your "friend" is gas lighting her hubby. You exposed .. and staying away for a while to let the dust settle is probably the best bet.

I would not put too much effort into the BH of your friend as that could easily lead to crossing boundries with him and become dangerous to your marriage.

Your best bet is to reinforce the idea of him coming here and letting the vets here deal with his fallout.

Just my 2 cents.

MNG