My long story...
Officially served on 4/09, Temporary hearing on 4/16. Never imagined I would be here, but I am. Hoping there is a miracle in store. Anyone considering mediation. Experiences?

I participated in court ordered mediation.
I didn't keep up with your thread; but I suggest you have an attorney and be in plan A

I have read your entire thread in SAA.
At this point I think you should have an attorney do ALL legal divorce negotiations. And you should focus on plan A.
Just say "I don't understand legal stuff that's why I let the attorney take care of it" then ask if she wants to go to the park with the kids.
You may be able to win her back over time. It will probably be after divorce and may take years. Are you willing to be in Plan A for years?

I honestly don't know. Not sure if I have it in me. On another note - we had a great time at the park as a family on Friday! We met at church today and sat together as a family and heard a very jolting message directed right at our marriage called "focus of the promise, not the problem". She came over after church with the children, we had great food, she and I had some light, fun, conversation. There was a point in our church service where we had to hold hands and pray for each other. That was the first time we've had physical contact in a while. We clutched each others hand tightly as we prayed.

Tonight I am hoping to get a chance to offer paying for mediation if I get the sense she still wants to go through with D. I plan to file a "general denial" answer with the court on tomorrow. We have a good mutual friend who is an attorney who told me I could at least get through the temporary hearing process without retaining an attorney. Truth is... I do understand all the legal stuff and she knows this. During our last "date" part of our conversation was that I should have attended law school, because I would make a good one. Still holding out hope until the 11th hour.

When you act as your own attorney you cause love bank withdrawals.

Definitely hire an attorney.

You know the saying
"a man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client."

Fact is......you are not a family law specialist.

It is one thing to understand the process and another thing to have experience dealing with it.

You can talk Plan A stuff and refer her to your attorney for any legal talk. You can tell her "I don't talk divorce. Our attornies will do that." If she asks why tell her it is too painful to discuss the subject.

Advice taken...I will retain on tomorrow. My resources are "ok", but limited. Another card I wanted to play was; at mediation offer to pay all penalties to break her lease, cover her moving expenses, and have her and our children move back into our home. I would move out until we could either have it sold, or reach a point of considering reconciliation. I can live with an uncle who lives less than 10 minutes away for practically rent free, which would allow me to still pay our mortgage. If we are able to sell the house and we are still not in a position to reconcile; we can always rent our own residences, but not have to deal with a mortgage that requires both our incomes. I almost certain that attorneys fees will take that option off the table. Thoughts?

I did not know the saying, but it certainly rings true.
The attorney advising me is a family specialist with experience in the particular court where her attorney filed. However it's a mutual friend...so, conflict of interest.
Painful...is exactly what it is. No easy way out, eh? That's been part of my problem. I'm listening better these days.

Well.. We had a temporary hearing on yesterday. One of the roughest days of my life. My wife managed to get an overzealous attorney and I knew how this was unfold the moment he called me two days before the trial wanting to meet with me at court to "work out an agreement". Yeah right... I quickly retained the attorney that I had been consulting with for over a week. I had begun putting my case (financial and children matters) together for weeks now expecting the worse. The worse happened. I spoke again with my W�s attorney the day before the hearing and agreed to meet with he and my W. I called my W the night before and informed her that I retained a different attorney (our mutual friend), she stated that she understood and that she was fine with that. See, my W has always stated that she wanted a quick, peaceful, easy D. I gently suggested to her that it usually never happens that way. She was certain that would. I offered mediation SEVERAL times and to pay for all of it up until the 11th hour and she never agreed.

We all met shortly before court began and NOTHING was agreeable. They requested that I pay a ridiculous amount of child support after leaving me with the mortgage, pay her attorney�s fees, a minimal visitation schedule, yada yada. Both me and my attorney shook our heads in disbelief that my W was being so disagreeable. It was scary, the pain and hurt is still alive and well and there is nonone to blame but me. HOWEVER, I wasn�t about to be bullied into something wildly unreasonable. To our rejecting their offer, her attorney snarls at us a says �ok, forget it, let�s let the judge decide!�. I simply stated to my attorney��ok, let�s do it�.

As God would have it, we were the last case of 6 on the docket leaving us with an empty court room to hash out all the ugly details. We made our same preliminary motion to continue counseling (we have a session today�today!) to the court that we made in the pretrial meeting�which of course they did not accept. So the hearing moved forward. My W took the stand and reiterated all the details of our relationship that has been outlined in my thread. Then came time for my attorney and our friend to cross examine and she LET, HER, HAVE IT. She pounded her with my text message history of her withdrawing and lack of visitation with the children, her taking large sums of money out of our account, her still attending counseling and yet not being willing to consider reconciliation�you name�she through the kitchen sink at her and the judge was visibly bewildered at times. I�ve never been so nervous for my wife.

I had watery eyes throughout the entire hearing. I brought in the last Christmas 8x10 photo of our family which made it more emotional for me. My attorney later used it on me to invoke emotion as I took the stand and presented in to me again during her questioning�wow. My testimony was the same as been stated in these threads even the admission of the infidelity is now on court record. Oh well, it�s truth but then judge scolded me for it after cross examination. Speaking of which, was pretty weak on her attorneys part. It did as best he could of characterizing me as an abuser by asking how many holes have I punched in the walls several times and could I provide a list of things that I have broken and had to replace. I simply told him 1 hole, and I broke my laptop while watching a football game (my Texas Longhorns were getting hammered by Oklahoma). He made a few more accusations of which were both untrue�stating did I have an affair in Jan 2013, which the answer was NO!. I made it clear, and my attorney re-crossed to make it clear that I disclosed infidelity in Jan 2013, but the occurrences happened in 2003.

So after all of that�the judge declared the following. I would be solely responsible for the mortgage (house for sale). While giving the temporary orders the judge said �I�m going to being very lenient with you sir�. She ordered that I would pay much less in child support than standard. My W would have to reimburse me for the insurance that I already pay that covers her, myself, and our children. She would have return 50% of the funds that was taken out of our account by May 1st. I would not be responsible for her attorney�s fees. Standard visitation with my children starts immediately�as in TODAY!!!! And finally, she ordered that we attend conflict resolution classes. The class is in 12 sessions. So I assume once per week, giving us at minimum 3 weeks to husband/wife interaction.

Though my attorney called it a victory, I don�t. I won�t claim a victory until our marriage and family is restored. But I do believe legal justice was served for now. My W and my attorney hugged and exchanged pleasantries on the way out of court several times.

I want to give my sincere thanks�thanks�thanks to you all of you guys for strongly suggesting I get an attorney. I honestly would not have done so otherwise. You guys literally saved my rear-end!

Let�s see what todays therapy session holds for us�