I did now. But my lawyer says I can't legally bar her from the home because she's still on the lease, and the court hasn't ordered her out. I've moved most of the rest of her stuff to the garage and can lock the house up. She can open that and get the rest of it. I can't wait for this stinking affair to fall apart around her.

Usually the court issues restraining orders freezing marital property.
A good practice, if you can't keep her out of the house, is to walk around with camcorder and videotape all of your property. Also catalog it.

Make sure you have a newspaper with the date of the videotape recorded so then you have proof of what was in the house.

I would hide any jewelry.

When you say she is getting drunk and high, if she is using methamphetamines then you better hide all valuables.

What are your custody orders?

Can you get a court ordered drug test. When it is positive the you can get a TRO. Should talk to your lawyer about this. Also does POSOM have any arrests? This is a good question for your lawyer

she has pretty much gotten all of "her stuff" out of the house. I'm mainly concerned with family photos and things like that. I don't have anything of any real value which can't be easily replaced. I have a security cam in the living room so she can't get to anything inside without me knowing about it and watching/recording it happen. She's only doing pot as far as I know. We don't have any custody orders yet, this should happen on the 21st of the month, and I'm short on funds so I'm kinda stuck there.

I am going for a court ordered drug test and should get the RO and custody at that time. Should be easy with the audio files I've collected. (yes i've done it, and i see the medicinal value, and it doesn't really impair a person). I've brought up POSOM to the lawyer and he doesn't seem concerned about him. This is frustrating to me. I'm about to run the background myself, but this is really what I'm paying him for.

You need to tell the lawyer that. Remember that lawyer works for you! You pay him oodles of your hard earned money. You can find a decent background check online using the sites on the Investigation thread.

Sir pot DOES impair a person.
For starters, I havent had a SINGLE employee that was productive while smoking dope.
It completely destroys ambition.
and its TERRIBLE influence on kids.
My cousins had a dad that was a dope smoker....and now they are grown up and are dope smokers themselves.

You dont need an attorney to get a drug test ordered.
Most family courts have forms you can complete yourself

As for the attorney, YOU need to run the background check.
If youre short on funds why pay an attorney $200 an hour to get on the internet and pay for a background check?
They only cost around $40.

You better do this asap.
My wifes affair partner was a drug addict that went to prison for trying to kill his 3 year old daughter (the cops busted down the door as he was strangling her - he was high on LSD and thought that he was Jesus and his daughter was the devil).
It sounds crazy....but my wife had the kids around this guy and was trying to replace me with him.

I would have never known but for the Background Check.

So please do this asap.

Children need to be protected from addicts and drugs at all costs

JK i agree with you completely about the drug issue. I don't want my kids anywhere near anyone who uses any kind of drugs whether they do it when the kids around or not.



I should have made this line a little more clear. My voice recordings of her and I having conversations have captured these statements. She and her family class pot as a harmless drug. Her father said "she doesn't do drugs." When I said yes she does he asked what, I said pot. He said, "Oh, I thought you said drugs like crack or heroin. If somebody wants to come home after a long week at work and burn a joint who cares." Well dear FIL when it's your daughter doing it and she has visitation with our children...I do.

Also the POSOM not having a DL concerns me. I've talked to WW and she said it's because he didn't pay his tickets. I just don't buy it.

Got a call from my atty on my lunch break and they are going to subpena the records from the hospital and crisis center. I'm just dying to read the lies she spouted there.

Ask for a Guardian ad Litem for the kids

I would follow JK's advice to ask for GAL. He has full custody of his kids.

I was able to pull up "state (type in your state) court records" by googling it. I was able to find information by county from traffic violations to criminal records.....it cost nothing.........found out lots of good information, even my traffic ticket from last year .

i visited the county court websites for the 2 nearby counties. Searched POSOM's name:
possession
revocation of probation for failure to appear on possession
possession
speeding
public intoxication
paraphernalia
theft by check

On the up side of life, I was carded for cigarettes this morning for the first time in forever; and I'm having dinner with an old friend from college to catch up since we haven't seen each other in 12 years. I am not trying to get into a relationship. I have told her I need to guard my heart against anything like that. It will be nice to catch up.

last night was fun. I enjoyed having a normal functional conversation. I actually found myself whistling while I did laundry last night. This morning I got a text from WW asking if she could change our weekend arrangement for child care because of schedule conflicts with MIL. I'm just going to take the Saturday off and take the kids on a trip to see my sister for the weekend and let them play with the chickens.

My son the other night said something about asking his mommy to come home. She told him "I'm never coming back." It kills me to see my children cry about this. I told him again that daddy isn't going anywhere and he will always have me and I will always love him. My daughter doesn't really have the words to express, she just clings for dear life whenever I'm near her.

So I had my temporary orders hearing this morning. As of today I have the house, primary custody, and we worked out a visitation schedule between us. She is now doing some pick-ups instead of me driving all over everywhere to pick up and drop off. I hope this gives me some opportunities to Plan A her. We will likely have a final in the next 2 weeks. I wish she would talk to me. She's gone dark on me! When I pick up or drop off the kids its always MIL there doing the transaction. I picked up 2 used copies of SAA off of Amazon. One for me and one for the future day she breaks free of the fog. I pray she finds herself some day. I know people change, but there's no way I would have married this alien.

I miss her voice...I hadn't heard her voice or seen her in almost 2 weeks. It was comforting to see her hair drift about as she walked past me in the hallway. I did get to hear her say her name and yes twice, but she looked and sounded hollow. I'll have to survive on bread crumbs.

My lawyer says I should change careers and become a lawyer too. AS IF! Although a MB focused lawyer might be interesting if rather destitute. Everything I have used to defend my right as a father and get custody I have learned here. It breaks my heart to use it, but at least I wasn't forced to say anything about this woman; we settled.

So the reason I'm posting today is:

How do I plan A her now since she's gone dark?
And how/can I still plan A her after the divorce is final?

I'm practicing my anti-LB behavior on my kids. I don't know if I can attribute this to my PR or to WW being out of the home. Either way it's healthy. It's actually working with them. They are calmer and happier and becoming more disciplined. We do more things together. Taking walks, going to the park, flying kites. And my house is becoming clean and organized because that's what daddy does to fill the hours between kid bedtime and daddy bedtime.

Do you know if there is a new OM?

Remind me, have you written Dr. Harley?

No I haven't written Dr. Harley. I should probably do that since it's been brought up twice now.

So far no evidence pointing to a new OM. Nothing indicates contact to current OM has stopped. She did say something on the way to check her into the crisis center which might point to something. She said, "I wonder if XXXX will still be around when this is all over." I'll have to verify an end to contact, but maybe trouble in paradise or he backed out.

Hope for the best prepare for the worst. I'm in this for the long haul. I may be staring down a divorce, but I maintain hope, work on my family, have fun with my kids, teach them the right principles for living life, and I'll plan A whenever I get a chance for now.

Re Plan A: You could always e-mail her, or send her "care" packages once in a while. Love letters, chocolates etc. once you know where she is. FWIW I think you have the right attitude.

Well things are moving along in the plan D direction like she wants. I'm still doing my best to Plan A when possible. She finally started showing up for pickups of the kids so I get a chance to say some kind words, or compliment her at these times. I avoid divorce topics as much as possible and refer her to the lawyers.

She took our children to POSOM's sister's wedding and let my son play tag with the worthless sack of S***. Took me a while to cool down from that, but I didn't say anything to her about it. I did tell the kids that mommy shouldn't have taken them there.

Right now we are going through asset division. I find what she thinks I have and the values she has placed on some items hilarious. Stocks, options, and life insurance policies that don't exist; valuing my car in excellent condition and hers in fair. Her A/C doesn't work and it needs some minor body work, but the rest I put 2k into last year when we bought it. My car is only worth the scrap value about 100 bucks because the engine needs overhauled, the front end needs replaced, and the tires are bald. She listed the toaster, and all the kids furniture as community property. I have many other problems about what she put on there, but that's what lawyers are for. I have to find the funny in it.

I am finding life; without having to walk on eggshells for fear I might do something wrong and her cold, constant criticism, rather enjoyable. My house is cleaner than it has ever been; she stopped doing as much housework after her affairs started. I spend more quality time with the kids and we talk about stuff together. We enjoy going to church together, and I'm progressing in my walk.

While everything appears to be looking up, I still ache for her, and pray for her, and watch from afar her slow self-destruction which she calls her self-discovery and happiness. My children and I miss her terribly but I must protect us and guide my children's moral and spiritual development so they know that what she has done is immoral and wrong and will not be the way they live their lives.

Sounds like you're doing okay. We can only pray that the affair dies sooner rather than later. What is your deadline for plan A?

Don't really have a deadline just yet. I'm thinking to give it 6 months from now. Her last affair lasted for a year, but she was able to cake eat and gaslight the whole time. She's already freaking out right now because she has no money.

On that topic...she emailed me yesterday saying she wants to modify the child custody arrangement we agreed to on the 21st. She must be insane because she wants to go from seeing the kids almost daily to a standard visitation because she can't afford to drive from her parent's house, to our house/school 2 or 3 times a day 5 days a week.

I don't know why she has no money, she lives 2 miles from work now and I still pay for her health and car insurance, I pay all the housing expenses as of the 21st, and all she has to do is buy gas and go to work. Must be all the extra trips she makes at night and eating out she's doing. Gonna suck when she has to pay health and car insurance, and child support, and gas not to mention if she wants to move out of her parent's house or has to put the kids in day care.