I am new here, but to give you a rundown on what has recently happened to our marriage, my wife and I had recently split up, I feel like I tried for awhile to try and gain her back. In reality I look back on the last year and see myself as a selfish H who has almost perposly denide keeping my marriage strong. We recently as of a week ago broke down realizing that all we really want is to be happy with eachother and the idea of being apart is not an option. I know this is going to be a very rocky road, and part of getting truely moving in a positive direction and repairing our marriage is laying it all on the table. That is where Im currently at, she wants to know everything, not so much details but nothing hidden anymore and I feel the same. I have told her things that I have been hanging onto for so long, to start we have been married now for almost 5 years, around year 2 I had a one time sexual affair with a female from work, we moved shortly after and I never made any further contact. Then after awhile I was spending alot of time away from home for work and found another oppertunity for a one night fling while I was away. Again I never made cantact with her but at the time I had disconnected myself so much from my home life I actually feel like I just pushed them away to the point of my W wanting to move away to be closer to her family. So we packed up I moved them up here and stayed down there for a few months finishing up with work and trying to get a job in the new area where my family was. I keep telling myself thats what I was doing and yet looking back on it that wasnt a good move on my part I know this, after finally moving back to my family I found a good job, we recently bought a house and yet I still distanced myself from my family. We recently hit what seemed like rock bottom, I moved out , she didnt want me anywhere near her, it tore me up and all I wanted to do was work on making things better, the problem was I wasnt being completely honest with her. If you cant be totally open and come clean how can you move on to heal the damage that has been done, right? I have done this, to the point of she now knows of my affairs including another that has been not so much been an affair but a distraction with a female at work. Im not trying to lessen this just saying that there wasnt a connection other than a conversational one, but that I felt impelled to tell my W about this because I knew given the chance I may have gone futher. Now with all this said, I have realized that its time to stop feeling sorry for myself, its selfish and just not helping us. My question is for right now, my lies and affairs have been comming out for the last few days, Im at the point that I feel like everything is out there, out on the table, no more secrects, but this morning my W sais to me that she knows that Im still hidding something, she believes that I had another affair, one that would explain why I would stay for a few months at my old job before moving back up to my family. I have nothing more to to tell her, what is out there is what happened, but shes believes so strongly that Im still hiding something that she tells me if I dont tell her something she will always believe till the day she dies that Im still hidding something. I know this is tough and its going to be this way for awhile, but will this turn around, is there anyway to reasure her when she has no reseon to trust me, do I just keep trying to reasure everything is out on the table???? Im not giving up this time, this is to important, and the best support I have is knowing that she is on board and wants this to work too.

Offer to do a polygraph test.

Dude, good for you for getting your head out of your rectum, and:
A) deciding to work to save the marriage
B) understanding that it is not primarily about YOUR feelings now

Here's what you do: You schedule a polygraph. You wife would only need to know the answer to the following question:

Have you, nottolate, told me the full story of any infidelities that have occurred since we were married?

Nice and easy - one day to ease her nagging feelings of doubt.

Also you need to give her a list of your EPs.

You need to find a job where you don't work around women. Work from home or work with your wife.

Were any of the OW married?

Can you please use paragraphs? That is too hard to read.

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The polygraph is the best tool to give her mind a solid starting point to trust any part of what you say.

It's not any longer if you know nothing else went on, what she feels is important even if there is nothing.

If you truly want to work this out, then you will take the steps according to this site. It is not easy and often humiliating, but you created your image to her now is your chance to change its direction.

nottolate, I hope your lack of response is not due to the fact that you have not told your wife everything, and you are avoiding a conversation about a poly. I don't post often, but your post smells a lot like my FWH story..

Your marriage cannot survive without her knowing the full truth. If there is more to your story of infidelity, your wife needs to know, even if she decides to leave...that is her choice.

My FWH took 2 poly's. That was the ONLY thing that gave me peace. He trickle-truthed for 4 months and I had a feeling there was more to his story, just like your wife.

It will be the hardest thing for you to do, but offer to take a poly for her, and follow through. She may not have thought of that yet, and you bringing it up would be an amazing step! She will admire your willingness to do WHATEVER it takes to make her feel safe.

Is there more to your story? We can help if you let us.

How about it ntl.... what do ya say??

Im very soory, my lack of silince has been mostly time, and the lack of wanting to spend time on the computer for fear she will think im doing something im not.
Yesterday I felt hopeless and like there was just nothing left to try to turn this around, on the way back from droppingour daughter off to school I decided to go to a alocal church for posibly guidence or inperation? Not really sure but I was feeling at rock bottom with no where to turn. I was able to sit with a very nice Pastor, he really gave me hope that as a team god would help my wife and I work this out. I told him everything just as I have told my wife. When I left I felt like the weight on my shoulders had been lifted by god himself.
Shorlty after though the weight fell right back on with my wifes lack of even wanting to look at me and now after telling her what I had done she feels betrade because she also wants to seek counsilbut together not alone. I hate myself for thinking I was doing something to help when she so can blatenly throw it at me as betrale on my part.
Now she sais she wants to send the kids off to grandmas so we can have a week of working on us, but at the same time she has also turned to one of her lovers and since packed enogough clothes for her to stay away for along time. Im wanting to derail this train like right now, is there hope.... I would love to get counsil butshe sais there is know way she is talking to the church I went to because they know more than they should. I believe we are doing a polyghraph not sure when just that she had made the call yesterday so just maybe that will clear that part up.
Thankyou for your support i will keep you all updated as much as I can

And yes there is more to the story, from the very beginging of our relastionship cheating has been the norm i guess you might say, she would go out party get drunk and cheat and as well I would push to try swinging and we did this a few times here and there, when I look back now I can see as much fun as that all seemed it really disonected us as a couple from passion with eachother, she feels and has always felt passion between us Im not so sure I cansay the same? So yes Im a cheater, so is she the real reason for her insistance on why is because she feels that she did what she did but then later came clean all the while I held in what I was doing, I think to not loose her, I mean she is a goregous, loving and so carring of a person, yet it would be so easy to push away by spilling the beans on my end or even making her feel like crap for the things she has dome.
I did get myself out of the position at work by resinging monday morning, I have spent quite abit of time trying to tell her every possible detail I can remember, even now though she trust me even less....

Are you sober?

Yes I a Im sorry about rambling on Im just going through alot and more venting that anything, but I am totally sober.

So your wife wants to work on your marriage?

What EPs did you give her?

Your wife also cheated?

What EPs is she putting into place?