Sewer,

H and I heard the radio show yesterday. What a gift from the Harley's to have that individual attention.

AM

Yes. Harley's are great!

We now have an appointment for Poly. It will be the 22nd. You are right. I am seeing some changes. H said, tonight, that if he doesn't pass, he thinks we should get a D.

Interesting. Anyone else get that reaction?

Shall I translate?

"If I don't pass the polygraph, I think we should get a divorce!"

is wayward-scumbag speak for:

"Don't make the questions too difficult, or probing, because WHEN I fail, giving me no place to hide, I'll give up on the marriage."

You should have given him a question he would definitely have passed to show that your intentions are aboveboard. How?

You kick him squarely in the man-jewels as hard as you can, and then ask, "Did that hurt?"

ROTFLMAO!!!!You guys kill me! Thanks for helping me keep my sense of humor, to say nothing of my sanity!

Sewer,

I can't recall that reaction from anyone here before.

I think NG is correct in his assessment. Your husband is lying and is worried the polygraph will identify his lie(s). Then, he will have to change his lifestyle, become totally transparent and give up his independent behavior.

AM

Yes, I agree with AM and NG. I think H is under the impression the MB principles, especially avoiding IB, Dishonesty, POJA, and EPs cease if he passes and continue if he doesn't pass.

We have been doing things together per IDd RAs, but no matter what they are, he doesn't enjoy as much as golf and tennis

TS, it is best to make up a list of all your questions and give him the list BEFORE the test. Tell him he has one last chance to come clean before the test but that you fully expect him to pass the test. So if there is anything he needs to tell you, he needs to do it NOW, well before the test. We can help you with a list of questions. Ask as many questions as you want. The polygraph tester will likely only ask 3 questions, but your H won't know which questions until the test.

ML,

The Polygrapher told me not to discuss these other women with my H because it could skew the results. I know MB says to write the questions and give to H a few days before. So, now I'm not sure what to do!

Then you are unlikely to ever get the truth. Just think, if the polygrapher asks "have you ever had sex with any other woman than your wife" and he answers no and flunks, you still don't know what happened, do you? He can just say polygraphs are unreliable and blow you off. And then what will you?

The tester is dismissing the entire benefit of confession. Most people hate flunking polygraphs and you should be leveraging that to get the truth. If you don't, I don't see the point of all this.

I totally agree with you. I asked the Polygrapher the same question and did not get an answer. I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway. If you guys can do it, and get to the bottom of it, then I should be able to, also.

Today, my H has gas lighted me. Briefly,

We went to the fitness center together. As we were getting into the car to go home, a woman was getting into her car which was parked next to ours. He smiled at her and either mouthed or said "hi" to her. I asked him who she was. He said he did not know her. So, I said, "I saw you smile and say 'hi' to her, so I figured you know who she is." He vehemently denied smiling or saying "hi" to her. I said, "Telling me you did not do something I SAW YOU DO makes my blood boil." He denied it, again. I left it at that, deciding to document for Dr. H to see. My problem is not with what he did but that he lied about it. He brought it up again and said I should have the Polygrapher ask the question. At first, I said, "Ok." Later, I told him he does not get to decide what the questions would be, and neither do I.

I have asked him other times who he waved to when we passed people in the car and he has never responded like this. So, I don't think it is that I asked him nor the way I asked him.

My question is:

As part of our plan with Dr. H, I am supposed to have scheduled sex with H. It was scheduled for yesterday, but H chose not to. (Not POJAd. Just chose not to and I did not push it. We were pretty tired from an outing.) But, H wants it today. Because of the above incident, I really don't want to. Because of what I agreed to in the plan, do I need to do it, anyway?

Yuck. I would not let him touch me with a 10' pole after he just lied to my face. I would vomit.

Are you making up your list of questions?

Thank you, ML!

Yes, I am making my list of questions. H is leaving in the am for his golf trip. He'll be back on Thursday. So, that gives me plenty of time to work with y'all on it

One of the most basic MB extraordinary precautions is to never be separated overnight. Golf trips until Thursday are nothing to be happy about.

Agree. Of course, Mr Sewer insists he has never had an affair.

AM

You are totally correct. This trip was already planned months ago, the guys are carpooling, rooming with each other, golfing together, eating together, etc. EP says no more trips after this one. And I will be sticking to it.

I've been working on polygraph questions. Please let me know if I am on the right track. To date, I have the following:

YOUR EX, DURING OUR MARRIAGE INCLUDING THE TIMES WE WERE SEPARATED
Did you kiss her?
Did you fondle her?
Did you see her private parts?
Did she see your private parts?
Did you touch any of your erogenous zones?
Did she touch any of your erogenous zones?
Did you touch any of her erogenous zones?
Did you have sexual intercourse with her?
Do you still have romantic feelings when you see her?
BUSINESS TRIPS WHILE YOU WERE WORKING, INCLUDING 7 MONTHS IN LA
Did you discuss your present/former marriage with any other women, not including your ex (face-to-face, email, phone, letters/cards/memos/notes or any other kind of communication)?
Did you spend time with any OW doing anything that might be construed as a date---having drinks, walks, meals, dancing, golf, etc?
Did you kiss any OW?
Did you fondle any OW?
Did you see private parts of any OW?
Did any OW see your private parts?
Did you touch any OW erogenous zones?
Did any OW touch any of your erogenous zones?
Did you have sexual intercourse with any OW?
Did you have romantic feelings toward any OW?
JOB
Did you discuss your present/former M with any OW besides your ex and Billie, including face-to-face,email, phone, letters/notes/cards/memos or any other types of communication?
Did you spend time with any OW doing anything that might be construed as a date---having drinks, meals, walks, dancing, golf, etc?
Did you have romantic feelings for Billie?
Did you have romantic feelings for any OW besides Billie?
Do you still have romantic feelings for Billie?
Do you still have romantic feelings for any OW besides Billie?
Did you kiss Billie?
Did you kiss any OW?
Did you fondle Billie?
Did you fondle any OW?
Did you see Billie's private parts?
Did you see the private parts of any other woman?
Did Billie see your private parts?
Did any OW see your private parts?
Did you touch any of Billie's erogenous zones?
Did you touch any OW erogenous zones?
Did Billie touch any of your erogenous zones?
Did any OW touch any of your erogenous zones?
Did you have sexual intercourse with Billie?
Did you have sexual intercourse with any OW?
PAST FIVE YEARS
Did you discuss our M with Pam_____?
Did you discuss our M with any other woman (not including marital therapist)?
Have you spent time with Pam_____ doing anything that might be construed as a date?
Have you spent time with any OW doing anything that might be construed as a date?
Have you kissed Pam?
Have you kissed any OW?
Have you fondled Pam?
Have you fondled any OW?
Have you seen Pam's private parts?
Have you seen any OW's private parts?
Has Pam seen your private parts?
Has any OW seen your private parts?
Have you touched any of Pam's erogenous zones?
Have you touched any OW's erogenous zones?
Have you had sexual intercourse with Pam?
Have you had sexual intercourse with any OW?
Have you had romantic feelings for Pam?
Have you had romantic feelings for any OW besides Pam?
Do you still have romantic feelings for Pam?
Do you still have romantic feelings for any OW?

Are you corresponding with any OW in any other way (Facebook, chat rooms, dating sites, etc)?

Have you answered all the above questions truthfully?

Ok. That's a LONG list. Question: Would the longer the list the less likely I get at the truth? I'm thinking in terms of mathematical probabilities.

I thought polys could only have 3 questions?

I think the idea was to give the list to H a couple of days before so that he could "come clean". The poly is for just 1-5. But, feedback is needed.