Hi everyone,<BR>Its been a long while since I visited here...I came here a lot when I first discovered my husbands affair...1/8/99...Since that time after months of him saying he was trying, but only lying, we separated...He is currently living with the other woman going on 6 months now...I tried plan A plan B...I tried everything in my power to keep my marriage together...But the bottom line is...that the other person has to want it too and when they don't...theirs nothing you can do about it. I have been on a emotional rollarcoaster and have now more tricks to pull from the hat...I don't want a divorce...I love my husband! Thats the worse part...It would be so much easier if I could hate him for leaving the kids and I...but I don't...Does anyone else feel like they will always love their spouse? I have no desire to find someone else...If I can't have him I don't want anyone at all...I still have hope that one day he'll wake up and decide hes made a big mistake...We were married 15 years and I have a big hole in my life that he used to fill...Well I'm rambling ...just wanted to know if any of you felt this way?

I feel the same way. It has been three months since he left. I am still trying plan A. Just sending him letters and notes, no reply, of course I don't even know if he gets my letters. Do you have any contact with your H? I know certainly know what you are going through. Maybe further along we will feel diferently, but not right now. One thing I do know is that we have to keep on rebuilding our lives. In dealing with grief I know you are suppose to feel anger, but I only have spurts of anger. No real anger I wish I could. I agree with you it would make it easier. I have been married 27 years. More then half my life in marriage. I am not sure how to act I have now been married long then I was single.<BR>Just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one with this feeling.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Yep, me too - I'll join your club.

Me too. I had to get up from bed and cry for the loss of my H. He's still here, it's been a month since I found out about his affair, which according to all the books is the worst kind. I'm in so much pain for the loss the only man I feel I can ever love, and he's laying beside me every night still. I too won't go into divorce easily and I already know what is going to happen. Sweetie babe is married too, in her 30's is all I know, and no kids. The longer I hold out, the more ticked off she's going to get at him and most likely get herself pregnant, because her clock is ticking you know.<P>It' so sad because I know I'm right. My H is such a fool and so naive. It rips your heart and soul right from your body. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to feel so much pain, but I don't blame Him. It's so early for me now, and I honestly don't know how I can go on from one hour to the next.<P>I'm sorry - the hurt is just pouring out today.

hello i can relate! it seems that my wife had planned to kick me out but was just waiting for the right time, when the OW told her about our affair that was it! i wanted to tell her about the affair a long time ago but i didnt want to hurt her, well it hurt worse! i lied about it for over six months! ( the affair was two months long. ) i miss my wife and kids, i love my wife and she loves me ( she says) i only made a half bit attempt to foster our marriage before, i suppose that i took it for granted. now sadly i miss it the most! my wife is very apprehensive. she is receiveing tonnes of negative advice from her parents (who dont like me at the best of times) i made the mistake of trying too hard to support my family ( work two jobs ) and not support my marriage my loss in the end but it still hurts! i wish there were words that mean more than " i am sorry!" but sadly they dont exist. i hope and pray to work things out and reconcile its going to be a tough road.<BR>but we have love to build on and when all the lies are stripped away love is the best foundation that GOD has given us! <BR>arf

Hello. It has been awhile since I have been on. I read this and it just hit home. I feel the same way. My H has been gone for 2 yrs living with the OW. We just had a child 7 mos ago and I just found out the OW who is 23 just had a child with my H. This hurt alot but I still love my H and trying to deal with all the pain plus try and raise our children. Most of my family and friends think I am crazy for still loving this man. But I still pray and hope one day he will realize what he has here at home. I also have no desire to meet or marry anyone else I don't see how I can love anyone like I love this man. Your not alone.

Weirdest thing, isn't it? Yup, count me in.<P>Lori

She's been gone 9 months now. Don't even know where she is. On the east coast somewhere. I feel I can get on & quit loving her if I need to. I don't want to though. However, there will always be the 20 years we had together.<P>I won't hate her. Just feel sad for the loss and for her not giving it ANY effort at all. In the end it will be her loss and one day she will wake up & realize it. If we divorce, then I won't be there for her when she does crack. Too bad.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Lonesome, I've wondered where you were. I'm separated too (since 8/20). I work and have a second job to keep busy and it has helped my mindset quite a bit. We see each other every weekend (we're going out to dinner tonight), but he still isn't "in love" with me. I think his depression is masking those feelings. Stay in touch on the forum. If I recall, you are isolated. You need everyone's support.

Janie and all others:<P>I hear you. My H is also not "in love" with me.....We were seperated when he told me of affair on 9/19/99. He did ask me to come home to help him break it off (he says he had been trying to do so for a year). We've been together for 26 years. I love him more than life itself....but it is difficult to lie beside him in bed at night and know that he is dreaming of someone else. I don't know if that pain will ever go away.

Me, too. My H has been gone 8 months. I have trouble understanding when people talk about implementing "Plan B" when you start to lose love for your spouse - I can't imagine that ever happening.

lonesome,<P>Me too! Even after tonight when my wife came to pick up the kids for their bi-weekly visitation... and she cussed me to high heaven... but I still love her. God tells me to love her back... and I just give into Him.<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Hi again,<BR>Its so good to hear that there are others who feel the same way I do...Some people think I'm crazy for still loving him...I hear it all the time...That if they were me they'd divorce him and take him for everything hes got...etc etc...but thats not who I am...I love this man...sure I'm angry with what he's done...but I'll continue to tell him I love him...because I do and I can only be honest with my feelings...Its not going to do me or the children any good to be vindictive or hateful towards him...anyway thats the way I feel about it.<BR>Thankyou for your posts<BR>lonesome