Show her affection with no expectations. Do call or text her throughout the day?

I do the dishes, clear off the table, make din ER with her but have held off on the I love you. They were making her uncomfortable I think. We also haven't hugged since she said she wanted a divorce. I tried a few times but she said no.


Please see my last post about the apt.

I stopped calling and texting throughout the say to give her space and bot bug her.

Good, take advantage of that and time to show her with no expectations back.

Did you read the articles I posted to you?
Listen to the radio show?

Yes I read the articles. I will read them deeper tomorrow.

Good.

Write her a loving note and tell her yes you would love to move with them.

Have you stopped ALL love busters?

Can you afford MB coaching?


How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage

Yeah I have stopped love busters. No I cannot afford coaching.

So I told her that I'm sorry if I didn't seem enthusiastic about it and that I know her desire is to get her own apt. Told her I would love to move in with them to be able to get to spend more time with them.

Told her that I love the kids and that I love her. She said she knows.

Hit notify and ask the MODS to move this to MB101. You will get more responses.

Did I do the right thing?

I wish I knew if there was a chance. She seems to get a little close and then pull back like tonight.

Yes you did.

You need to make as many deposits into her LB bank.

I am trying.

I know you are.

MML,

Welcome to MB. You are on a great path. Stick around there is much to learn and a lot you can do to save your M.

The first thing I want to tell you is you have to be honest. There is no harm in being honest with your W. If you love her you tell her so. If she says she can't return it you tell her you understand. You let her know you are aware she's fallen out of love with you and that you are doing everything you can to change that.

ENs - Make yourself a checklist. She hasn't given you specifics so make up your own to-do list.

Let�s assume her #1 EN is Admiration/Affection � Over the course of the day I will tell my W at least 5 times how beautiful she is or something about her that I admire. �I love how diligent you are in doing all these household chores.� . �I love your beautiful blue eyes. They are very attractive to me.�.

Do this everyday. Everyday!!!

Your home. You cannot save your M if you separate. Do what you can to stay together. If she says she wants to get her own place you let her know you understand that but you also tell her what you want.

I want you.
I want us to stay together.
I want to have a great M. Better than it ever was.
I want me to change so much that I never, ever hurt you again. I can do it. I am doing it.

Do not be rude but do not make it easy for her to leave the M. If she wants to go that�s her choice. Let her do the work.

One last thing. Do not sit around and watch TV with her. If it�s possible do something more recreational where you two interact. Zombies watching TV do not interact. There are no deposits made in the LoveBank when you simply sit together and watch TV.

Is your W open to relationship talk? Is she OK with talking about where you went wrong? If she is open to that kind of talk a great replacement for TV would be for you and her to read HNHNs together. It�s a good read. For many it is quite enlightening. Whaddya think?

Actually before you try to sell her on reading the books together what has been said to her regarding this program?

It's possible we can help you sell her on it in a more efficient way. At least enough to get her to take a look. We have to show her what's in it for her.

Her biggest concern about you is you hurting her again (that and she's fallen out of love with you). This program is geared around one key goal ... to Care and Protect our spouses. That right there is one thing that I think may peak your W's interest.

From the website�s Summary of Basic Concepts page.


If she ever asks what it is you hope to get out of it it will certainly be �a means to change my instincts and my behavior.�.

Instincts and Habits

No offense but get HNHN, LoveBusters and Fall In Love,Stay In Love. There are other good choices besides FILSIL but for sure get HNHN and LB. Crucial.

Trust me. I'm a guy who hung around her for 10 years before buying these books and getting his W on board. 10 years of a stalemate or very little progress. Things are a lot different now after getting some MB Coaching and those books. Get the books. Read them. Leave them laying around so she can see them.

I have not mentioned anything to her about marriage builders. She has denied any kind of counseling or help saying she just needs to move on to protect herself from allowing me to break her heart again if she was to give me another chance.

Then I say all the more reason for you to get busy reading some of Dr. Harley's books. His program can save your M. You can become the best H your W will ever know.

It hasn't been asked yet but it is a crucial piece of information. Do you know for a fact your W isn't having any kind of physical or emotional affair? If she is then our advice to you will change drastically.

Yeah. About 99% sure. I'm with her all the time and when I'm jot the kids are. No other men around, never on the phone talking. She's on FB but shows me some of her convos.

I'll assume she's not. It sounds like you have good accountability of her whereabouts. Just be wary. Work affairs, online EAs ... lots of places for a withdrawn spouse to wander getting needs met elsewhere. Treacherous territory.

So ... what action items are you taking, gonna take go forward?

Ordering the books I guess. I feel lost, stuck and helpless. Like I can't do anything to change it.