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Joined: Oct 2000
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Keep reading.
Keep posting.
You are important.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574 Likes: 1
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Reading and posting are great, but my concern is that when they don't lead to prompt action, your family isn't going to see it.
How often do you text your kids?
Call them on the phone?
Help them with homework?
Show up for soccer game kind of things?
Take them for outings or vacation? What are their favorite things to do?
Bring them to see extended family?
How is your wife going to develop confidence in your ability to lead the family in a way that shows thoughtfulness, unless you are taking consistent action?
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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I text the kids every day. Even when I don't get a response. I call them some, but they don't always answer. My oldest talks to me the most. I understand that they're teenagers and get busy. There haven't been too many events yet, I went to my youngests track meet the other day. And I take them to see my family more now than I ever did. I am working on my relationship with them. Trying to communicate more with them and enjoy what time I do have with them. Planning stuff is tough because they all have things they want to do with their friends on the weekends. I hate denying them that on my days I have them. Also money is tight.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Write actual letters & send them to your children.
You know, the post office?
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Joined: Oct 2005
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That's great that you are making some things happen, a strong foundation to build on. It would be great if you can demonstrate to your wife that you are able to find solutions that work for everyone. I have a 17 year old, so believe me I understand it's important for her to take time with friends, too. So Friday night is friend time and Saturday night is our time. Or the other way around. Or we'll plan something fun Saturday or Sunday during the day. But I make sure to get that 15 hours of FC time in every week. And I think it sets a good example for the kids that we can find solutions if we keep brainstorming.
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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I guess we're going to try to come to an agreement on everything. I really don't have the energy to do this anymore. I love my wife, that hasn't changed any. I'd still like to find a way where we could end up together and happy at the end of this. But I honestly have no more energy to put into it. I get on the bike and I ride for hours thinking about all of this. Asking God why? I have no answers, no energy. If it has to be over I'd like to get it done, with as few scars on everyone as possible.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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I suggest you let the lawyer do their job and not discuss divorce terms with her
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She wants us to come to an agreement
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Wouldn't it be better for us to agree?
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Wouldn't it be better for us to agree? What is your attorneys opinion? This "agreement" will affect you for the rest of your life. Any agreement needs to be a rational decision, not emotional We are supposed to focus on plan A or Plan B here. Can you please refresh my memory, didn't Dr Harley recommend plan B in the last radio call? (Dr Harley usually recommends that people work through their attorneys in matters of divorce on the radio)
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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His advice was to let her go. I've done that. At least I'm trying my best. I'm not real sure how to move on.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Well it's too bad we don't live closer because we could sit down and have a beer and tell our stories.
My wife had an affair and left and I still struggle, nearly 1 year after divorce with letting her go and moving on.
Plan B has helped me a lot though.
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His advice was to let her go. I've done that. At least I'm trying my best. I'm not real sure how to move on. Having played the adulterer in your marriage, you find yourself in a very sad position. How to "move on"? Like you know better now. Do not date other women. Keep your spirits up. Better yourself physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. You are grieving. Do you have any grief work experience?
Last edited by Pepperband; 04/20/13 10:41 PM.
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I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Go to your church pastor and ask for help with grief work. How to grieve is one of the lessons we all learn, sooner or later.
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