Serial cheaters don't do well when they are enabled in any manner. They enjoy the chase, the secrecy, the fling, the pursuit and it has nothing to do with the woman. She could have been ANYONE and therein lies the problem.

Your husband NEEDS you to expose to everyone. EVERYONE!!! He needs everyone keeping an eye on him. He needs the short term motivation of shame and the long term motivation of doing better.

If he truly doesn't want to lose his marriage and family he would welcome exposure as it's the only way to possibly work things out with a serial cheater.

He also not only needs to leave that job...he needs to work with either all men or with you alone somehow. You guys need to drive to work together, eat lunch together, etc as a serial cheater can't be trusted around any female whatsoever.

This goes for the porn too. He can't have a smart phone with internet access and his computers need to be KNOWINGLY keylogged.


Reading Torn Asunder is fine. It explains, to some extent, how you got to where you are today, however, it is NOT a recovery plan going forward. You can't take bits and pieces of MB and expect it to work. We get criticized on this forum for being so demanding that people follow the program strictly but that's just because we've seen time after time what happens when they don't. I, too, have read a substantial amount of threads and posts on other infidelity forums and they are far more tolerant of do what ever you want and they also contain so many more threads titled: "He did it again" where they all pipe in to commiserate about how unhappy they are and how unreformed their wayward or supposedly former wayward husband's are today. They essentially become misery chat rooms full of unhappily married persons and angry divorcees.

You've got a VERY slim chance of restoring a EXTRAORDINARY marriage with your serial cheating husband. You can certainly half-a$$ it and likely stay married [and miserable as you constantly have to wonder what he's up to and whether you are good enough] OR you can TRY to do it the absolute only way possible to make it extraordinary.

Your choice.

Mr. Wondering

It's not a problem for us. But it will probably frustrate you.

I hate to hear people say that they "enabled someone to have an affair". Thats BS. Its a I'll-take-the-blame-lite version of it's all my fault. Unless you took him by the hand to each of the skanky hoes and held a gun to his head while he "did" each one then you had no part in his cheating.

Understand that cheating was his decision and his alone. You may have had a hand in not meeting his needs and therefore being miserable in the marriage, but please same the it-was-my-fault BS for somewhere else.

Your M will not survive while he is around people that encourage him to cheat. He needs to quit this job ASAP. Listen to the vets here as they will help you open your eyes and follow the MB plan.

You say he wants to save the M but you wont have any idea about that until he proves that he's changed. ANYTHING that he says should be considered a lie until/unless it can be verified by snooping.

Also, any non-MB material should be put aside if you are going to follow this plan. ANY conflict in advise, even minor, will derail your efforts. This includes any marriage counsellors. Your real only hope is to counsel with the Harleys. Most MC have no idea how to save a marriage from an affair. Serial affairs put them even further from your best interests.

Unfortunately we have many BSs who actively enable affairs. Usually they do it by helping the afairees hide the affair but there are other ways. Like Dr Harley says, it's hard to save a marriage when you are an enabler.