I�m new on here and would like some advice please.

I have been married to my husband for 16 years and together for 21. We have 2 children aged 17 & 19. He was already married when I met him.

He had a brief affair with a friend of mine 10 years ago which ended when it was discovered. We moved forward together and things eventually got good again. As far as I was concerned we were very much in love, although I do admit our sex life was lacking and it was very much my fault. We had argued about it but never really addressed it.

Recently, after a few months of me doubting my husbands fidelity, I discovered he was having an affair with someone he worked with. He said he had felt unloved by me and thought I no longer wanted him. He apologised, said it was over and that he wanted me. We both cried and decided to try and carry on together.
Just 4 weeks later I found out the affair had not ended. I discovered who she was and confronted her - she is single with grown up children. He said how sorry he was for all the hurt and that it was now defiantly over.
I found trusting him difficult but when we were together things were great, we had a very good 5 weeks and we were better and more loving than we had been in years. We made plans to buy a business together so he could leave his place of work and we could rebuild our marriage and start again.
Then I discovered he had restarted the affair and my world fell apart. I now have no idea what I should do. Again, he says he is sorry and has been a fool but now realises he wants our marriage and the business. I have seen him tell her it is over and he has not been to work since, so as far as I know he has had no more contact with her.
He has even told our children what he has done, and begged us all for forgiveness.

I still love him despite of all this, but doubt just how much he loves me as he was able to cheat and lie and hurt me so deeply. I am now in turmoil trying to decide where to go from here. I cannot imagine life without him, but feel if I give him another chance I am just being a fool.

I cannot imagine life without him...

Start.

...feel if I give him another chance I am just being a fool.

From out here, I get the same feeling.

Look, WH obviously has proven that he has NO commitment to the idea and requirements of marriage. This is his third affair - you, AP-ten-years-ago, current-AP-discovered-twice - and each time he "apologized, promised, swore, yada, yada, yada" and went out looking for his next piece.

What possible reason could you evince for anticipating his changing his behavior, given his history (and we're not even exploring the likelihood of some entanglements in his "good" years that you simply have not yet uncovered).

He is not marriage material. Get out before he hurts you again, and more.

I am sorry you are here. There is a very good post on here called "What You Get if You Marry Your Affair Partner" by NewCreation. I searched for it, but can't find it. I suspect Brainy will be along with it soon enough.

I think you will be able to relate to it.

Have any of his other affairs been properly exposed ? Do you know how many affairs he had in his previous marriage ?

The path for recovering a marriage after an affair is a very narrow one. If you do want to even think about recovery (and I agree with NG on this one) , you will need to start with a polygraph...

I'm no vet though, and am still recovering my marriage from my own affair.

"I have been married to my husband for 16 years and together for 21. We have 2 children aged 17 & 19. He was already married when I met him."

Did he have an affair with you? Is that how your relationship began?

That's the way I read it.

Buy SAA and read it.

LINK to bookstore

Best of luck.

I concur.

Please read.
What You Will Get if You Marry Your Affair Partner

Are you coming back ?