And JK, maybe we need to share strategies!!! Let me know how your small claims experience goes.

I have a 6 year old and I have no communication with my ex outside of a dedicated email address.
I simply don't answer the house phone.

As for small claims, I was served with a complaint by Discover Card for the balance. I did not answer and filed a motion for more definite statement and dismissal.

The judge scheduled a pre trial conference for tomorrow and said he will address the more definite statement motion at that time.

I am going to file for bankruptcy. I'm trying to keep the wolves at bay until bankruptcy is filed and i need to wait until the sheriff schedules a sale on my house before filing for protection.

JV, what you could do is have your WH's phone number ring different;y on your phone, so when it rings, your DS can make the choice if he wishes to speak to his father or not. That's what happens in my household, and it is actually quite rare that my DSs choose to speak to their father.

Being in Plan B, and having had a slip up of my IM once, I can tell you that ANYTHING out of the WH's emails, and texts can have a negative impact on your personal recovery. I had even become angry over things that HAVE gotten through the IM properly. Also, having been an IM a few times myself, I can tell you how much gets written by a wayward that could affect the BS and gets filtered out. I also have seen what a true Plan B has done for a BS and what a non-Plan B attempt at personal recovery has been like. If I hadn't experienced Plan B on my own, I would still highly recommend it to anyone who would listen. A TRUE Plan B is amazingly effective with helping the BS through the worst time in his/her life.

Hi Jen, I'm back on MB after a break and catching up on some old friends. How are you? How are your kids?

What's going on, Jennifer?

Hi JK and happyfuture, thanks for checking up on me! I've still been lurking and reading but took a break from posting. Life is good! The kids are doing well and I'm working on my finances...bankruptcy is in the works, now it's just about budgeting. The divorce is in HAMs hands, although we did agree on most everything.

The biggest issue of the last couple of months was spring break...I offered it to HAM for DS (the girls always go to their dad) and he actually did want it (since he was calling only weekly and hadn't seen DS since Christmas I wasn't sure). DS was really reluctant and nervous and started showing some stress signs (having accidents at nap time, clinginess), so I took him to the counselor again and his teacher and I worked to reassure him. He did say he wanted to go, but when his dad was actually here did not want to leave...it was very hard. I got him off and reassured him, and talked to him on his dads phone as they drove away. I think HAM finally got a bit of a reality check. His brother was in town though, and I ended up meeting them halfway too get DS back. His brother was nice to me and asked about the girls! It was good. And HAM decided not to press for all the visitation he could get over the summer and to take it more slowly.

DS still looks for reassurances DAILY that I won't leave him. But he's going to be okay, and I look forward to guiding him into adulthood. I'm sad that his dad is such a lousy role model, but we are very active in our church, and he has great role models there and at Taekwondo.

I'm not in a perfect plan B, but I'm certainly feeling good about life and able to move forward.

Hi Jen, good to hear you and the kids are ok.

Would have been tough for DS visiting after such limited contact. My DS used to worry that I would leave too. It took lots of reassurance, reinforcing that "I chose to live here", "I wanted to be here". He knew I loved him but I felt that wasn't enough reassurance b/c dad loved him and he left.

Time for another update! The kids are all with their dads this week, and I'm wishing I could have a fling. not that I would, I just would like some easy attention/admiration/SF. I figure its a safe confession here.

The final hearing for the divorce is set. I feel pretty good about that, the only thing we haven't agreed on is the tax exemption, since I've suffered such huge long term financial loss I feel I should get it, every year, whereas he wants it every other year. Oh, and calculating back child support. So fine, lets let the judge decide.

The kids are still doing awesome. I'm going to Taekwondo again myself (have class soon tonight), and work is going really well. I have a good community of friends and supportive family. Really, life is so much better than it was the last couple of years of marriage, I shouldn't miss him, right? Well, I still do, but I'm keeping my boundaries high. I'm not in plan B but seeing/talking to him doesn't really get to me. I think it will slowly become the sort of amused detachment I have when dealing with my ex husband. And I hold my list of requirements should he ever do the cranial-anal extraction and want to make our family whole again...but I'm not holding my breath, just moving life along.

Well, HAM and his attorney agreed to everything I wanted in regards to the divorce. I'm not going to agree that the marriage is irreconcilable, but will consent to the divorce. I'm still very sad and conflicted. I still feel sorrow for my WH and the loss of our bond, sorrow about the loss my kids have felt through it all. I'm trying to find peace in the great deal of growth I've had in the last year, but its definitely a struggle.

Thanks for the update Jen.

How are you doing?

In general, life is great...this has been an emotional week, though. I give abetted update in the post above the last one. Thanks for asking!

Small claims went well; the credit card company withdrew the Complaint

My divorce finalized on Monday afternoon. I feel like I really have made tremendous progress living the Serenity prayer...accepting that I can't change HAM's choices, doing what I can to make my life wonderful and provide a wonderful life for my children, and parsing things out. It was really emotionally getting up to that hearing. And the hearing itself...HAM's step father was there for it, hadn't seen him in more than two years, and further proof to me that his family has been pushing/supporting his actions and the divorce. Don't see what they have to be proud of, but I know that I am proud of myself. HAM's attorney tried to change the agreement we had come to about child support at the last minute, because HAM is unemployed again, but I held my ground and insisted it would delay the whole process (I'd be entitled to additional discovery, etc.) and they stuck with the agreement, which gave me everything I had wanted. I did get to tell the judge that while I don't agree that the marriage is irretrievably broken, I consent to the divorce, which is an important distinction for me.

I had my dignity through it all.

I have felt a sense of relief and peace since our court hearing (which luckily was not with a judge I practice in front of). I feel free now to just be a little more open, more myself. I found myself getting mildly flirtacious with a guy in a store...not in a serious way, just that I would have not been that open of myself because I've been sticking to the "I'm married" mindset. Well, I'm not anymore!! I don't ancipate being willing to enter into a romantic relationship until my kids are grown, but at least I feel like I can enjoy being female without feeling like I'm betraying my solumn vows and committment.

And I appreciate so much how marriagebuilders has been a part of my growth this past two years, to really get me on the road to recovery. Thank you friends!

It's good to hear from you Jen. I can imagine how hard the hearing must have been.... I'm not looking forward to it, although I have accepted this will happen, Isildur is still foggy and wayward. I understand your distinction.

You have made wonderful progress and I'm glad you have found peace.

How are the kids?

You are truly an inspiration, Jen.

Congrats on your new life!

Warrior Queen Jen,

You are a force to be recon'd with in life.

You always were and just didn't know.

Bless you and your children and may your future be very filled with joy and love.

Make sure you "thank" yourself, because you did all the hard work.

Good job, friend.

How are you doing?