Just when I think I am starting to feel better about myself, WHAM, I see my h. We met at doctors office this morning for daughters appointment. I tried, but couldn't keep my mouth shut. H says that I have driven him away, he doesn't love me, and if I love him so much, why haven't I shown that to him. I started crying and I hate it when I do in front of him now. He says I deserved to be loved, but that he can't love me, so I need to move on. I thought that was what I was doing. He makes me crazy! I will never understand how a person can walk away from someone that loves them, in spite of their behaviors. He also told me that he doesn't very guilty about the affair. That he stopped loving me long before it happened. He wants my hurting to stop, so that is why he is leaving. I am so confused right now. How do you not give up hope of getting your marriage back, yet move on? I need to wipe my tears and go back to work. Thanks

Ceecee, Im right at this minute sitting in front of the computer screen crying. My H also just called me. I don't know why he continues to do this to me. He told me that he is dealing on a house to rent for OW and is putting it in his name. I guess that means that he is setting up housekeeping with her. Just Mon. he had called and wanted to come home. I don't know what he is trying to do to me. I really don't know why I can love a man who is treating me like this. I had been doing so well until I let my guard down on Mon now I feel so hopeless. He's coming over to visit tomorrow. I don't know if I can stand to see him. It just hurts so much. I keep falling apart and everytime I do its harder for me to gather the pieces. I used to be so strong and positive now I'm just a wreck. As for your question, that's my question to. How do you go on when you know that you will never find anyone that you will love as much as you love your husband. How do you stop from blaming yourself for all of this, how do you live with the regrets of every arguement. Every time he wanted to make love and you turned them down. How do you stay in the home that you remodeled together. Every inch of our house we did together. Every thing around me is a reminder of him. I guess what we have to do is to just keep going day to day and hope to God that life gets better. I don't really think right now that mine can get any worse.

My heart is breaking for you both. I am so sorry that you are in this mess. But, you can love again. And the break down of your marriage is not yours alone to carry. And the fact that he chose to have an affair as a solution is not your fault at all. Please don't do that to yourself. Yes, do go from day to day. It will get better. Perhaps no contact is the better thing for you because you both need to take care of yourselves right now, not only for yourself but for your children. My heart just aches for your pain. It is so raw and I remember it so well. God bless you both.

Thanks for your words. It helps so much to know that I can come here and someone will listen to me. I cried when I read your responses. I just hurt all over. I'm crying now as I am writing this. I could never ahve imagined so much pain from the person I married and loved with my whole being. He wants me to forget him. How? We just moved into our dream house. One that he built with his own two hands. I can barely make myself open the door at the end of the day. He is picking up the rest of his things tomorrow. He told me not to be there when he did. I know that God is in control of this, but right now it doesn't help with this pain inside me heart.

Your trust in God is overwhelming to me. I see what you all are going through and the pain in your life and still you look to God in your greatest time of need. I want you to know that you are a great example to me as you deal with everything that's going on in your life. I feel very thankful that my husband is willing to take responsibility for his affair and that we are realizing our problems early. The pain is very hard for me but my situation seems so small compared to all of yours. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your example. God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>