I found out through my 3 year old about my husband's affair. That was 21 months ago, and he has done everything he can to improve our relationship,except admit it! I feel the ongoing deceit is after all this time worse than the affair. What can I do except divorce him to get him to tell the truth?
I'm sorry for the pain that has brought you to this place.
How long married? How many children do you have? Is this first marriage for each of you?
Have you read the thread at the top of the Surviving an Affair forum?
Here ? If not, please take the time to read through them and come back and tell us what you think.
A fully restored marriage, one that is better and safer than the pre-A marriage, is possible, but it requires following a very narrow path.
You need to have the full truth of the affair. Do you have evidence? Do you know who the OW is? How many affairs has he had? What were the conditions of the affair?
After getting the truth of the affair and exposing it to the people of influence in your life and in your husband's life, here's what you and your H will need to do:
Create Transparency and an integrated lifestyle: share all passwords, exchange phones immediately at any time you ask, account for all time and money spent; no nights apart
Extraordinary Precautions that you create and are non-negotiable. They are instituted to keep this from ever happening again. To repeat: the EPs are NOT negotiable. These are YOUR boundaries to protect you from being in an unsafe marriage. To start with: no OS friendships EVER
Your H must provide Just Compensation: Engage fully with you in a program of recovery. MB has a great plan that recover your marriage, one hundred percent guaranteed, if BOTH spouses follow it. The recovered marriage must be a lot better than the pre-A marriage. Using MB, following all the steps, will result in a passionate, romantic, SAFE marriage.
He must agree to ALL of the above steps.
