Here are some.
Blended Families #1
Blended Families #2

This is a good show, from our friend optimism and his now wife NG (fiancee at the time of the show).

Radio Clip
Segment #2
Segment #3

The above, by Dr. H, was on the first link.

After reading this, I feel somewhat confident that BS and I will be okay, if we were to blend our families. We do take either other's feelings into account on everything. It comes naturally for us, and we actually enjoy the poja steps. He thinks that it is fun, and of course you know I love that!


And this was the old relationship with my ex that I cannot tell you how much I loathed.

Thanks for the links BH.

I just can't seem to get the warm and fuzzy from your thread....2 divorces and you started dating while still married.

Can I assume you are sleeping with him also?

Dr. Harley has a very fine line towards becoming a buyer....it first starts as freeloaders....then renters .... finally buyers.

If someone becomes a buyer too soon there is a high likelihood it is too good to be true.

I caution the follow your feelings here.....logically this situation screams

Seriously 2 divorces...alcoholism...adultery....why not figure out first why you choose this kind of a train wreck before jumping in with a newly divorced man?

The mere fact you stayed away from posting this information from posters who cared for you implies you knew this new love situation would not be welcomed .... which suggests you took on a wayward mentality to justify being with a married man....

You're right. The divorce wasn't finished when we started seeing each other. That and the fact I didn't wait two years before I started dating again are the reasons I avoided the conflict of wearing the WS hat, along with my justifications, which I've already mentioned in my first post.

WF,

I appreciate the time you took to offer your opinion.

As far a being a buyer, Dr. Harley says that you become a buyer the moment you agree to POJA. I just listened to a segment where he said that in one of the links above that BH posted.


Why do you think that? I see that as someone who cares for the other person. That's what Harley says it is anyway.

Edited to add..... We began our relationship using poja, but that doesn't mean we were ready to get married right away. We've both been divorced for a year now, and I'm positive we wouldn't consider getting married for a year at the minimum.


I spent 4 years in personal counseling, and countless hours reading Dr. H's stuff, the forums here, and more than that figuring out why I picked the two previous train wrecks.

I assure you, this man is not a train wreck.

I also don't believe that just because someone is newly divorced that they're a train wreck.

Thanks again BH. I enjoyed those segments. I followed Opt's and NG's thread for a long time and I always thought they had a good relationship. It was cute that they were concerned about following MB concepts before marriage.

You're welcome.

I know, right?

Here's another show, but I didn't think it pertained as much to your situation because your children are grown and the callers aren't.

Radio Clip on a Blended Family
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Thanks again BH. I'll try to listen to these tonight.

Hi Mopey,

SMB and I are sitting here together catching up on your thread.

Though we can't speak much to your current situation, we both are soooooo glad that Windtoxic is out of your life....

You sound like you are in such a better place.

Hey mopey!!

Hello SMB and HPB! Great to hear from you.


The Windtoxic definitely made me laugh, so thanks for that. From the moment WT left, I started healing. I smile all the time.

I actually felt grateful towards the last OW for killing whatever feelings, however small, left for exWH.

I hope you both are doing well. From the last I read, you were growing your family. Sounds like good fruit.

Thanks for taking the time to touch base.

Melody! Back atcha!

Great that you have found happiness! It sometimes comes in strange ways! Enjoy!

Your situation was so like mine that I wondered what had happened when you disappeared. Actually I guessed you had met someone. So glad you are back and that you are happy.

Remember that in a rebound relationship you are looking to get the needs met that were least met in your previous relationship. That would be openness and honesty which this person is obviously doing a great job with but eventually all your ENs will need to be met.

Thank you Pineneedle. I appreciate the kind thoughts.

I am happy, and I worked hard to get here. Just like many others here before me. Lots of grieving and growing. It does get better. Way better. This place was a Godsend. I'm happy you're here too, considering the circumstances.

Hi LW!

How are you? I'm assuming you're Living Well?

Another way we're alike... We both changed our previous names to something more fitting to a serial adulterer free lifestlye. Feels good doesn't it?

Yeah, I felt bad for disappearing. I'm glad Pep spotted me. I just started typing and let it out.

I was wondering if you guys thought I'd met someone. Makes me wonder where everybody else is.


This is an excellent thing to bring up. My boyfriend and I were just talking to each other tonight about rebound relationships and what exactly one is.

I would agree with you that I did have a high need for O&H, given all the deceit in my last relationship. You are correct in that my BF does an excellent job of meeting that need for me. He goes out of his way to meet that need for me and does it lovingly. What a refreshing change of pace. I wouldn't settle for anything less now.

My BF and I did a ENQ about 5 months into our relationship. We have both taken the information given us seriously and we have fun meeting each other's needs. We talk in MB terms. He meets ALL top 5 needs of mine very well, and the rest so well I don't feel like I'm wanting for anything. Every now and then we'll discuss how one of us could hit the mark better on something. The great thing about that is that we actually do try to improve. However, I am dreading the day he ask me to get better about my punctuality.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, is that I don't have to wait for him to eventually meet all of my needs. He already does.

So am I missing something?

Wikipedia's definition of a rebound relationship:

Someone who is "on the rebound," or recently out of a serious dating relationship, is popularly believed to be psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break up, and those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.


I do believe that I was of a sound mind to make a reasonable decision on dating this person when I met him. I was not in the depths of despair, and life was pretty good at that point. The only thing I ever was upset about was not having more financial stability.

It is true that I was emotionally starved in my previous marriage. However, once we separated and I was on my own, after several months I learned that all I needed was to be kind and loving to those around me, including myself, no matter how bad I was hurting then, love would be returned to me. And that's all I really needed. It always was returned and I felt loved and full. My needs for conversation, RC, affection, etc were met and I didn't get it from one person. I received love my kids, my friends, even my employers were great. People I met at the grocery store, school, just about anywhere I went was another opportunity to laugh, smile, and be kind to someone and I got it right back. I felt full, not starved.

I said all of that to say that I don't believe I used my BF, or needed him as a distraction to get me through a rough time, although it didn't hurt either. I was having so much fun when I met him anyway, that I eventually tapered down some of those distractions so I could spend more time with him.

I believe the only instability I've felt since my separation and divorce is financial instability. I have told my BF on several occasions that I wished that I would have met him after I was more financially stable.

So, what do you think? Do you think I'm ok, or do you see a big concern?

Certainly does!


You are doing great! He isn't meeting your EN for financial support is he? Take it one day at a time.