I hear you JK I hope it doesn't come to that.

TD,

She is still deep in the fog. And denial is the ugliest part of it maybe.

Regardless of what plan you are in, this is the mother of your son. I would never restrict calls, and you should encourage them to have a healthy relationship. But you should also fight your hardest for full custody since she is not fit to be good mom right now.

You are still in plan A. This means when she calls be kind, be gentle, and be nonjudgmental. As NG says, allowing her to talk to her son in a supportive way will make her see that you are a good father, and that means a lot to a gal.

At this point I WOULD NOT BRING UP THE RELATIONSHIP: yours and her or hers and the POSOM. Ignore both unless she asks to come back. Talking about it may make you feel vindicated, but ultimately it works against your plan. Instead, be a good guy and a gentleman and be it consistently. WITHOUT EXCEPTION. Show her you've changed and show her that the father of her child is the best option she has. And Never call her a whore again (even though she is being one.)

I think at this point, the distance will help you. As I said before, don't respond to her rants. Ever. Don't try and reason with her, because you can't reason with a Wayward in the fog. She is angry because she has lost her son, sullied her reputation, and is probably destitute. Deep down she knows this all her fault, but she needs to have a scapegoat, and the BS is always the lucky one. Let her stew in the consequences of her actions. You don't have to say a thing. Karma is doing its own work.

You said you were committed to be in Plan A until the divorce. That seems like a good, natural timeline. So finish strong, my man!

To recap: 1) Don't engage her when she wants to fight with you. 2) Avoid too much contact. The distance will help you deal with her crap. 3) Encourage her to have a good relationship with her son but still fight for full custody. 4) And keep looking for ways to fill her LB from a distance, even though I'm sure you are uninspired to do so. I would always say when I was where you are that any time I tried to meet my FWW's emotional needs I would throw up in my mouth.

But it works.

So do it.

If you need ideas on #4, let us know.

Don't let her get you down. You are a good man.

Need help with #4. Sent her some pics of me and DS as well as some art projects he did in school and she replied that her son is so creative. Your right makes me sick. My reply was:

He's very creative. He misses "us" as do I. I will send you a copy of his Easter pics via email or snail mail. Have parent teacher conference today and started teaching him how to read. He knows the gist anyways. Take care.

Sending the pic was good, but...

"He's very creative. He misses "us" as do I."

3 things: 1) Don't talk about the relationship. 2) Don't talk about the relationship. 3) Don't talk about the relationship.

Instead, come across as caring, sensitive, but also strong and confident. Show her you are in good spirits (even if you're not). Be humorous if you can do it naturally.

You need to show her what she's missing. Show her you're a better catch. Don't focus on what you need, which is for her to come back, but on what she needs. What were EN's when you two were going strong? You may not be able to meet them if she is in the fog, but as the fantasy dies on the other side you might be able to start breaking through. Remember, each pebble thrown in the river slowly builds a bridge across.

If you can't do these things--and I completely understand if you can't--then I would simply be courteous and avoid being aloof. At least this way you are not making withdrawals from her LB like the other man probably is doing.

She is just like the common woman her top three are affection, intimate conversation and domestic support. I see your point and soon as I sent it I wished I didn't. Thinking of something for Mother's Day. Even though she has become a horrible mom. Might just do an e card it's simple and not too extravagant. I used to go all out on those special days.

It would make more of an impression to send a real card with a drawing from ds inside

Good idea.

Had an exciting weekend did a tough mudder style 5k and finish in 30 minutes. So proud of myself DS and I invited some friends over and had a picnic in the park/watergun fight was liberating lol. Heard nothing from WW. Today going to make that card and mail it to POSOM place as I'm sure she is there. Spoke with SIL in text and she wanted pics of me and DS. Sent those off and she is once again sorry for WW's actions. God bless!

That's good time ; good Job.
I think physical competition is good for us as men.
The ancient Greeks knew this too

Way to go, TD! Congratulations, and so good to hear that you are taking care of yourself. You da man!

WW called asked about DS and I told all the cool things we have done and he's fine. She then asked for the information for the MC we were seeing in the beginning. I gave her the information and she stated that DS is so distant with her when she calls and why he doesn't ask to call her. I told her he's always says he's busy and she the said she doesn't call because it hurts her feelings when he says he's busy and don't want to talk to her. I knew she was fishing for an argument so I ended the call. Court date for custody soon. I hope this judge has some common sense and hands me full custody. Praying for a righteous outcome.

TD,

That's one part of the infidelity equation isn't it, you trade your gold, your children, for lead, the OM, which is toxic, cheap and weighs you down in life.

God Bless
Gamma

Funny, TD, that sounds so much like the stuff my WH says...even accusingly for a while of parental alienation. Um, no, your child is not interested in you because you've shown little interest in him. Just brings the point home that waywards all think alike.

WW called and asked if she could see DS. I said of course and she plans on coming over tonite to visit him. I am so nervous, angry, and guarded about this. I know the only reason she is in town is because of the court date. Why do waywards believe they are good parents?! Trying to settle my nerves so I won't have an AO. I know she is going to bring up relationship talk, *sigh*. I hope she doesn't have the audacity and bring that POSOM in my presence. Was having a good day too. Will update post meeting.

You should probably have a friend with you when she arrives in case she tries to make false DV claims.

I had a var and it went well IMO. She came over and we had small talk. She admitted that she was wrong and ask me for forgiveness. I said I can't forgive you without the full knowledge of the wrong doing. She claims there are some people helping her get her life together and right wrongs. I don't know these people but they are an extension of POSOM, I think. I told her that the bible and god accept repentance when you stop the sin your repenting and I can't forgive you right now and changed the subject. She was crying and I felt sorry for her. We talked about the 5k I ran and she told me she wasn't living with POSOM (lie). She is trying to get SS to come live with her.

I got to talk to him! I wanted to cry tears of joy but stayed cool. We talked about movies and she feels she won't get custody and accepts that she ruined the family I told her what is ruined can be rebuild if she would give up POSOM and she said it wasn't about him, yea right. When I heard that I shifted to another subject. She tried to use DS as a play. "We should go on a vacation with DS and SS." Then asked DS would be like mommy and daddy to be friends. He said no mom you shouldn't have a boyfriend just daddy as your husband.


That's my boy! So yea she has this fantasy that she and I will be friends after divorce for the kids sake. I told her I move forward not backward and we won't be friends. It's either the family or POSOM. We watched a movie with DS and she stated how she missed our bed and room. DS tried his best to make her comfortable so she wouldn't leave. Giving her napkins when she was crying asking her to take off her shoes and stay forever. She wanted to stay the night and I declined. I told her maybe next time, I have to work and don't trust her in the house without me.

All in all I did well held her hand and carressed her back cause it hurt. She will come by again Sunday she said. My anger subsided and I didn't have an AO so proud of myself. Going to bed now looking for some advice. I'm moving soon and she suggested I move to Florida so I'm closer I said Florida is dead to me. I'm moving because of my job and its 10 hours from her. I'm so mad and confused but heading to bed. God bless and any advice given I will greatly appreciate I know this is one big ramble.

TD, read your whole thread and you are doing great...however.
I think you should consider writing letters to SS EVERYDAY. He is missing his family and can't see or speak to you. MIL may not give him letters, but also she may. Imagine how good he would feel everyday getting something from you and DS. Even if it is a daily journal of what you did and how special HE is to you. He is angry and may be feeling like he is not wanted. Let him know daily how much he means to you and it will lift his spirits daily. by writing sporadically you are telling him that you think of him sporadically.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

On a different thread, a MBer asked me if I was "psychic". No, I told her "I am a good guesser." Something 'pinged' in my head when you described WW's behaviors around you. Something is very wrong. WW is all but begging you to rescue her. My "GUESS" is that in some way, POSOM is abusive to her. She believes she has earned the abuse because, in her mind, she is a bad person.

She is sounding desperate to undo what she has done, but is stuck in her guilt knowing she "has made her bed and now has to lie in it".

Mind you, I am 100% guessing. But my instincts are quite strong, if what you wrote is accurate.

I'm only typing this so you can fine-tune your ears next time you see her. You might just flat out ask her, "Is anyone currently abusive to you?".

I could be 100% wrong. But, call it female intuition.

PS:

Looking at WW, has she lost weight?