10:30 PM and I haven't heard from him. From what I know of him and the way he thinks these days, he is sitting there resentful that I am being so selfish and am trying to FORCE him to do something he so obviously has been making plain to me that he doesn't feel like doing because I upset him, disrespected him and have not earned his efforts.

I am not feeling so good about him, I never personally have ever been unwilling to hear him and refused to try to do as he asks. He always meant enough to me. I am not really understanding how someone with such a mountain of transgressions is standing in judgement over me for showing upset over some pretty big things. He always says its ok to be mad, but not to be SOOOOO mad.

Anyway, we will see what he does. I suspect he will be angry and be even more "goodbye to you!"

Drama. Eh.

Eh is right. You don't need it. Either he's willing to make a marriage with you, or he's not. You'll know soon enough. Either way, you're going to be better off.

You're doing great, btw.

Read this.

Wayward Fog Disassembled and Decoded

Your WH is very foggy and a manipulator.

You're doing fantastic with living in such insane situation and removing the drama.

You go girl!!

lol, MelodyLane hehe

Thanks for the link Brainhurts, am reading it now.

I just don't think this guy is going to try. He has so far refused. I think I am worth it, but pretty sure he doesn't. Anyway thanks for the support.

Here's a good one. I hope it makes you laugh.

Soul Mate Shmoopies

I watched a few of those, funny, lol.

He didn't respond. I called the locksmith. I am taking the second half the day off from work and will meet the locksmith at the house and pack up his things.

I am curious why people here are not telling me how badly I messed up and how sick and mental I am for jumping all over his office mate and telling her husband. I really did get in her face the last 18 months, very nasty and pushy at her.

From my husbands point of view I am out of control, ill, I am hurting innocent people and he just can't deal with someone like me.

I have been fairly calm for the last 3 or so weeks. Usually something like this happens, then once he is satisfied I am sorry and acknowledged how ill I am to him ( little voice in me doesn't agree, but at least it gets us talking). I guess I have an episode of this sort of thing every 3-4 months.

I feel kind of angry today at him. I want to tell him what I think of his crappy mentality and actions.

You're going thru he11 right now so chill out on yourself a bit. AO's are wrong no matter what, even if you're REALLY mad at him. But, we've all been there and done that. You confronted & exposed and got emotional in the process. Betrayal does this to people.

Thats why we're told to clean up our side of the street no matter what WS does. Soon, you'll be a better person and be calm no matter what happens. It takes work and it looks like you're doing it. You're getting awesome advice and you will get thru this.

Don't ever admit that you are ill, if you're not. That gives him ammunition to use against you. You're the sane one here. Getting him talking at your expense is not good for you.

That is the most NORMAL and RATIONAL thing you have done in the past few years. Nothing "sick" about getting in the face of someone who is assaulting you. The only issue with that is that you could have been arrested. Otherwise you did great!!

Yes, your angry outbursts was destructive behavior. You would do well, for your own health and well being, to learn to control your anger and learn to remain calm in the face of extremely frustrating and emotionally charged situations.

Dr. Harley calls angry outbursts "temporary insanity." It's not good for you, because you have turned off your brain and there is no telling what you will do.

However, no one here looks down on you for your attack on the OW. Many understand why you were so angry and empathize.

But, yes, learn to control your anger

Atlanta, although we are responsible for our own angry outbursts, did you have a problem with anger before you got married?

No. I didn't have a problem. I don't have a problem with it in any other areas of my life. I get along wonderfully with family and friends, my co-workers, etc.

With him, oh he was so precious to me, I never had temper with him. I would tell him if I didn't like something, but I was so careful never to be unkind about it. We didn't have any problems with my temper until a few years into things when I started letting him know I didn't like some things he was doing with regard to his ex wife. She was harrassing me. And if I responded to her in any way, he would nail me to the wall on it. He said that I was only creating conflict and "catfighting" over him. And he told me he didn't really care how his ex felt, but he cared about how his little girl felt. And by responding to his ex, I was upsetting her, and then would upset his daughter by going crazy. He told me THIS IS MY CHILD!

Then it really degraded from there. It became constant increasing conflict with the lady, until one day he just walked out.
What I didn't know then was he had re-engaged with her and was trying to conceal it and was beating me into not talking to his ex, because she was telling me he was over there with her and he was scared I would figure it out.

I have had a terrible time with the issues over his co-worker. He says I am scapegoating her. Maybe to some degree. I do think on that. It occured to me recently that possibly I am transferring all of my pain and anger to someone who doesn't deserve the strength of what I dumped on her. But she really has made clear over and over that she will run to my husband and use him to bully me back. She just listens and turns around and goes to him and he attacks me over it, threatening divorce, calling me insane, dangerous, unstable... and he makes sure SHE knows he is doing it.

Sorry, I guess I can't write a short answer, I have loads of upset over this. I am so hurt and frustrated.

When I say increasing conflict, I would ignore her behavior until she escalated it to something that shocked me enough that I would tell her to leave me alone. For exampled she stole the sim card from my husbands cell phone and she began texting me all
about how he no longer loved me and wanted to be with her because he can't live without her love.

That one got me pretty badly. She would also go on to social sites and find my family and harrass them there, or she set up social pages pretending to be men and sexually harrassed ME to the point I had to deactivate the page and I didn't go back. Who needs facebook anyway?

Plan B is going to be wonderful for you

He's the one that is ill, Atlanta. He's been abusing you since the beginning of your marriage, and making you believe it is all your fault. He baits you, over and over, dangling his OW in front of you, then punishes you for being angry.

This is you, under normal circumstances.


TRANSLATION:

"Atlanta14, don't you DARE stand up for yourself. Atlanta14, you are responsible for everyone else's feelings, and so you must just SHUT UP and do what I tell you."



Your WH is a some-a-beach.


100% gas-lighting on WH's part.



The co-worker is not your big problem. Your WH's attitude of entitlement, and his gas-lighting .... now, those are PROBLEMS.

Well I need to hear that. I guess mainly, the loss of temper and the crazy behavior from me is so counter to who I really know I am.. but I still have done it. It crushes my view of myself that I always had as a respectful person who has dignity. I always tried to be like my mother who is calm and probably one of the most dignified and classy women I ever have known. Unfortunately I have a streak of temper she doesn't have. And I guess I justified my open loss of it with "waaaahhhh, he is being terrible and I have a right to be so upset and awful back."

I feel embarressed now, lol. Oh well, I know I can do better now.

Imagine a spouse who feels entitled to do what he pleases, no questions asked.

Have you pictured that person?

Things function pretty well as long as that entitled spouse is not challenged.
He can be sweet and kind and very pleasant to be around. He has things going his way.

The longer the entitled spouse goes unchallenged, the bigger his entitlement grows. He DESERVES things. He does not earn respect, he DESERVES it (in his entitled mind). He does not concern himself with anyone else's needs/desires/problems.

Have you pictured that person?

The entitled spouse has not learned any coping skills to handle a challenge to his world view that he DESERVES certain things from everyone else. His appetite for "more" grows, as he DESERVES everything he wants. Along comes a problem, and the entitled spouse has his selfish choices challenged. THAT person has to be "wrong". Why? Because the entitled spouse DESERVES to have his desires met. Any challenge to his "right" to get what he wants morphs into a demand to have "NO QUESTIONS ASKED" about his choices.

Have you pictured that person?

The spouse now has been silenced. If the spouse dares to speak up - She is immediately branded as
selfish
controlling
crazy
biotchy
pre-menstrual
stupid
suspicious
delusional
and just plain dumb

The entitled spouse believes every name he calls his spouse. Only a selfish biotch could possibly question what he DESERVES.

Have you pictured that person?

Don't be embarrassed that your "Taker" showed rebellion.

Have you learned about "giver" and "taker" yet?

A brief review is included in the "Buyers Renters Freeloaders" link in my sig line.

Your TAKER is the gal who loves you unconditionally. She's the one who holds her tongue for as long as she can, and then the anger explodes.

Read up on it.