If he is a dopehead then she may be smoking dope with him.
If she IS and DOES have it in her system, you can file an emergency petition (ex parte) with the court and the court will order her to take a drug test, on your dime.
If she tests positive or is a no show then she looses custody.

My cousin in California lost her kids for 6 months because her husband (recently released from prison) filed this and he got full custody for 6 months!

Now as for OM I would go beyond child bill of rights.
I would fight for FULL custody.
This guy is a worthless dopehead and you dont want your kids around him.
You may be able to file an anonymous "tip" with the employer that he is using or selling drugs in the parking lot. If they test him he may be positive and loose his job.

Oh I know she smokes dope with him. She's admitted to doing it back in Jan and Feb. with him and "maybe been around it" other times and I have it on tape. She even talked about wanting to smoke a "cigarette" while I drove her to the crisis center at the beginning of March. She HATES smoking, that's one of the things we have argued about for years. I haven't brought it up with her at all since then. She has recently taken our kids out bowling with him, picked him up to take him to work, and today (well yesterday now) they went and played at his house with her friend who has a little boy in my son's class. The children have told me all this. They call him Mr. B. I about vomited. Then my son was more than happy to show me where this POS lives. Right in my neighborhood, 2 blocks away! And I think WW is planning on moving in with the sack of $&*T!

I was just thinking. What if I finalized the divorce and let her stew in her smoke filled bliss with dipwad for a few weeks, then filed the for the ex parte?

I suggest you speak with your attorney an request a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) for your kids.

My ex wife had an affair with a drug addict and I took immediate steps to protect the kids from him.
Harley frequently mentions that alcoholics and addicts place children at risk. In one Iowa study, 70% of alcoholics in a treatment center admitted to molesting their own daughters while drunk.

I wouldn't delay anything.
Do you have an attorney?

Does she have a history of mental illness?

What type of company does OM work for?
Large, small?
Office, construction?

I have an attorney, we live in a conservative county and our judge was a GAL for 25yrs. WW has had 2 "psychotic breaks", a history of suicidal thoughts, never touched illegal drugs till this guy, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, possibly a borderline diagnosis but i can't be sure on that.
POSOM is now working at the local movie theater according to my 6 year old. The new love shack is deeper in the ghetto than i already live, and is certainly more beat up. Looks like a 4plex. I think she plans to move in with him as soon as D is final.

Sent a message to the woman who brought her son and went with my WW and kids to the POSOM's house saying the kids shouldn't be exposed to him. This was my WW's response:

Just as an fyi...there is nothing in the childrens bill of rights that states anything about new relationships. It is all about us being good parents to them and helping them with the transition.
In other words they can be around him.

This coupled with the love shack discovery has made me livid. I'm going to the shooting range tonight to blow off some steam. And i'm bringing the heavy rifle and some shotgun slugs with me. Need some pain to move from my heart to my shoulder. A couple hundred big rounds oughta do the trick.

If your lawyer is not doing what it takes to protect your kids, then you need a new lawyer.

Need advice on how to handle this. Oh and FYI tomorrow is WW's 29th birthday.

So I forgot to unblock WW number when the kids went into her possession. I do this to prevent harrassment. She somehow found my real number. The following is the text conversation after speaking with my children and telling them goodnight over the phone.

Me: i have unblocked you. 8:51 PM
WW: And MIL too? 8:52 PM
Me: yes 8:52 PM
WW: I get that you don't want to talk to me. Believe me. I would NOT be calling you. But the kids wanted to say goodnight. I didn't know what else to do. 8:53 PM
Me: You could have tried to console your children for starters. I won't be there to care for you, comfort you, help you and provide for you anymore. I can't have your back when your family doesn't. Mine was always there for you, and what did you do with the gift of love that they offered; expecting only to have their love returned. You have made your choice and have to live with that. Maybe one day you can earn it again. 9:31 PM
Me: You have a responsibility to our children when they are in your care. You need to keep that in the forefront of your mind and teach them the way you know we wanted them to grow up. The values we want them to have. You need to exemplify that always. This is why I choose not to speak to you. If you can't handle this, then maybe I need to make other arrangements for their care. 9:34 PM
WW: (1/2) I did console my children. Stop acting like you are dad of the year. Stop trying to make me feel bad abut something that you screwed up.and do not ever 9:34 PM
WW: (2/2) again question or put down my parenting. You are being awful to the mother of your children and i'm done listening. 9:34 PM
WW: (1/3) All you have to do is get me the papers and you will nothave me bothering you anymore. And I am not my own childrens day care provider. If I am why 9:38 PM
WW: (2/3) aren't you paying me? Get off your high horse man up and get your attys office to quot stonewalling me. I still have not gotten the supposed offer you 9:38 PM
WW: (3/3) spoke of. 9:38 PM
WW: Or do you not want a divorce? You still want me to come home and stay married? 9:41 PM
WW: I am done with this conversion. If you want to discuss anything further please do so during the daytime hours. The kids are trying to sleep 9:48 PM
Me: I would be willing to discuss anything of real substance with you. I tried and you attacked, again. I do hope there is no thunder with the rain storm that's rolling in. Good night. Sweet dreams, and sleep well. 9:57 PM
WW: (1/3) You continue to attack me first. I am defending myself. I am not afraid of storms anymore. And if you want to do something for my birthday, get me 10:01 PM
WW: (2/3) something to sign so we can file and be done. I am not paying your lawyer fees, but pretty much anything else well finalize this for me. I'm done 10:02 PM
WW: (3/3) arguing with you. if you don't give me something too sign tomorrow we will fight it out in court. Good night. 10:02 PM

Are you in Plan A or Plan B/D?

I'm in A for the long haul, but man it's frustrating and difficult.

Tips on what I've done wrong here and what my next move should be etc would be appreciated.

Yes it is. If you want to truly follow Plan A then you must at all costs avoid these kind of exchanges.

Do you think you made any LB deposits?

You aren't doing the paperwork for the D, are you?

My atty thinkz im insane if i try to work it out. My family is out of money. We have given our last dime to get what i have right now. The house and majority custody in a temp order. I was trying to paint a picture for her of what it will be like in D,as i havent done that yet. I usually ignore her AOs.

My family wants it done, but i dont want to end it because of the feelings that remain, and our childden shouldn't have to grow up in the broken home environment WW was in as a child. Crazy mom, bf over all the time, random vacations to shack up for a week, living with dead beats, god only knows what happened to her and her sister. Our children deserve better. I want to fight for that possibility. I know there is a way through MB.

I plan A when i can. Invite her for dinner and family activities. Continue to cover her medical and car insurance (though i ccould really use that money). Gifts. Offer her other overnights and time with the family on holidays. Invites to church.

One of my boundaries is to accept irrational demands from her. Last time i caved was when she wanted me to give an ansaer in 2 days next text was meet me at atty on 30 mins.

What should i have said to make the co.versation Plan A?

You gave her a lecture - "you should have..." You let her know that you and your family are better than hers. You told her you weren't going to be there for her to comfort, etc. when all she did was try to contact you because that's what your children wanted.

Your tone is one of punishment, not reconciliation. From her point of view, it may be that if she came back to you, it would be to avoid this punishment, but what new ways will surface when she comes back? For all her aggressive talk, she is afraid of you.

Even with all this, Plan A doesn't work with addicts. However, it appears she is still willing to engage with you, so you could use that opportunity to show her you're the right man for her, but not one lecture or you destroy the work you've been doing. Not one lovebuster on your part. I think it was in yesterday's show that Dr. Harley talks about when a spouse comes from withdrawal into conflict, it's forward progress. In your case, she'd be telling you all the things you've been doing wrong, and may not be particularly nice about it. It's what you do at that point that sets the course.

Thanks. You're right what i said to her came from an AO. Ididn't see how she was afraid. Is that what you saw here?
I'm going to go back and refresh myself on the lovebusters. I would value any input from others as well.

She will be dropping off the kids tonight and i was going to give her a flower and some of her favorite candy. Any tips for the conversation there? She will likely be headed out for a date w/POS. Id like to know a good way to appologize for what i said to her, and a way to try and repair.some of that damage.

I really don't know what to do about the D. The ball is in my court right now, all i have to do is tell the atty to give her some paper and she will likely sign, even if i ask for everything. The atty hasnt been stonewalling he's been waiting for a payment from me to continue. He now has enough to finish this thing if i give him a green light. I don't want this.

You are comparing apples and oranges.
Your wife's mom was single with boyfriends? That has nothing to do with you.
There have been several studies which indicate that kids in single parent father households turn out as good as kids from married homes.

Your kids may be better off without her and you may be much better off in plan B

I think you should fight for full custody with supervised visitation for her as long as he is in a relationship with a drug addict.
I would tell the attorney to fight hard for this.
I am also a single father (with full custody). My ex wife left for a drug addict and violent child abuser.

That's a very disrespectful, controlling lecture.

Lots of love bank withdrawals.

Ultimately you are not going to have control of your wife's relationship with your children. So it would be best just to give that up now. You can't make her be a good mom, and if she's wayward, she can't be, so don't waste any energy on these conversations.

You can't Plan A if you are having angry outbursts.

Start listening to Dr. Harley daily and reading everything he has to say about angry outbursts, abuse, and control.