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A friend of mine has separated from his wife and will not reconcile with her until she can give a reason for all the bad things she did to him. Forgiveness will not be considered until she can come up with answers. She has given answers to all of his questions but he doesn't believe that she understands why she did those things. She has done everything in her power to reconcile with him, but he seems to be asking for the impossible. What should they do?
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Joined: Apr 2001
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Galactica,
Likely because WW cheated on him and told him things during the fog which WW no longer remembers, the BH is waiting for his WW to tell a consistent story which includes those details.
He thinks he hasn't gotten the whole story and she is lying about the why to preserve his feelings.
Just a guess!
God Bless
Gamma
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There aren't any affairs going on.
What was she doing? Forgetting how important sex was to him. Asking for him to stay home and not spend one night a month with his friends. He wanted her to bring in more income. It was things that could be worked out in the future if he would allow here to. He is stuck in the past and doesn't want to look at a future together until she comes up with the right answers
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It sounds like this separation is a blessing to HER since he is a thoughtless bully. Hopefully she will wake up and realize that a bully is no prize for a husband. I think the "answer" he deserves from her is: hit the road, Jack..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'd advise her to move on and divorce him if he is not willing to put any work into their marriage.
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I'd advise her to move on and divorce him if he is not willing to put any work into their marriage. She can do sooo much better than that! She got the good end of that deal!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you the husband or wife? I know you said you were a friend but ... it really doesn't sound like that at all 
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Wow! Why would she want to remain in this marriage? He sounds very controlling almost like he thinks he is her parent rather then husband/partner.
Interesting that he wants an explanation for "why she forgot how important sex is to him" Usually if the wife is no longer interested in sex it is because HER NEEDS are NOT being met by HER HUSBAND...so maybe he should offer an explanation to HER for that.
He sounds like a peach......She should plan B his butt, no more contact unless or until he knocks this crap off and is ready to really work on building a happy, romantic marriage.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 05/05/13 09:39 AM. Reason: TOS disrupting thread
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 05/05/13 09:39 AM. Reason: TOS disrupting thread
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He is stuck in the past and doesn't want to look at a future together until she comes up with the right answers What, is this guy a schoolteacher, or something? Seriously, it sounds like he is a bully. The playing field is not level, here. He appears to be using a power play to force her to do...something. I'm not even sure what. That doesn't work in a healthy marriage.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 05/05/13 05:26 PM. Reason: TOS arguing with moderator, giving non MB advice
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Here's the answer for the sex stuff: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8120_sex.htmlOnly question is, is he willing to put in the work to restore that or not? Raking her over the coals for past failings still won't get him the sex he needs.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Another thought, I think your friend needs to consider the idea that perhaps her husband is having an affair.
It is not uncommon for a spouse having an affair to want to separate, and place all the "blame" on the betrayed spouse.
Can she do any snooping? What makes you so certain that no affairs are occurring?
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