WH left 9 mths ago for his mistress. Hes not saying he wants to reconcile but comments are lending towards that. So confused. Help, please and thank you...

How long married? Any kids? What happened? How long is the affair?

27 yrs married. 1 adult daughter. Met her in a bar...Said lack of affection at home drove him to her. Affair 9 months today.

What is he proposing he will do to correct HIS problem of lack of direction?

Did you follow any of the marriage builders plan to bust up his affair?

What have you been doing the past nine months?

Welcome to MB.

Please click this link and read ~~~> *** LINK ***

I havent done a thing to bust it up...Let it happen or not happen on its own...
I have been doing things as normal as can be...

Dont get the carrot stick

What is up with the one liners? It is very hard to give you advice when you are vague and not giving complete information.

Huh?

You can't find the link or you read the link and do not understand?

The link is in my sig line.

Im new to this...I dont understand what I am to say? He hasnt said he wants to reconcile but make comments that lead you to believe so. Im not sure what I want as he made this VERY public. And he still lives with her...altho Im sure its a user situation, electric, water, pillow, sex...Someting happended and I asked if he had a revelation. He said yes...then he said when you get angry I change my mond about the revelation

We are here to help guide you to follow a plan written by Dr Harley. Does that plan interest you? The plan is more about YOU doing things.

Have you seen an attorney?
Who has control of the family money?
Who is paying the household bills?
Are there jointly held credit cards?

Legal matters are all addressed and done. I dont want to do a thing. I filed 60 days later and received divorce. He wouldnt sign. I got it after another 30 days. Hes the one who left. He should be making attempts/moves? Correct?

First off your WS is going to say what you want to hear to enable is cake eating and YOU are letting him. Do you honestly think he had an revelation? Do you think he is telling his POSOW the same things he telling you? Stop enabling him and embrace the advice here. I was me you nine months ago and I know how it feels you hang on every little word but ignore the actions. Follow the advice follow MB its your best shot at recovery.

Does he keep any personal items in the marital home?
Does he have a key and is he free to come & go at his whim?
How often to you see WH? Where? For what purpose?



Look, we are not living this as you are. If you want us to understand the situation, you must write with more clarity. What "comments" are you talking about? Be specific.

The only meaningful facts you should be paying attention to are his actions. Not his comments. His comments are garbage. 100% useless. If you make your decisions based on his meaningless comments you will remain confused and lost.

Has he stopped seeing OW?
No.
Is he getting ready to move out from OW's place?
No.
Anything less than that is all bullcrap.

This forum is not for me. Im not hanging on every word could care less

If you are too lazy to give complete information, we can't help you.

If he really wants to fix this, your anger about what he has done to his marriage would not frighten him away.

If being angry about being betrayed scares him away, then I would treat any so-call revelations as suspect.

The revelation he needs to have is that he had done something horrible to someone he vowed to love. Instead of excuses or complaining it was hard to the victim of his affair, he would be doing whatever it takes to right the wrong he's perpetrated on his marriage.

It's one thing for him to say he doesn't know what to do. Folks can help him with that. There is all sorts of help right here at this website.

But what no one but he can fix is the cranial-anal feedback loop he's in with his head, well you know where.

As long as he's spouting stuff about how it's your fault because you are angry at his affair, it's best to let him wander in the fog a bit longer.

Now you can find advice here about how to be the foglight. But he has to do his part and recognize he's in a fog and then work to find his way out of the fog.

Welcome to MB, COMM58.

Please read almost any other post opening a thread on this forum and see the difference between how others write and how you write. Imagine being us and trying to understand what has happened in your marriage with the extremely short lines you are giving us.

Read another opening post and see how the problems is described, and how that helps us to understand what happened and what advice to give. Then tell us more about your marriage and how this affair began. How did your H meet OW? How did they manage to conduct their affair - did it involve travel away from home? Meetings at work? Did he go out to bars in the evening without you? Did he go to the gym or for other sports without you? How did you discover the affair? Has he made any promise to end it? Have you told anyone about the affair? Do you have children and if so, do they know about it?

Thanks for taking the time to do that.

Good grief - how rude!