Just want to clarify that I am advocating a face to face with the OM to keep him away. In ADDITION to exposure. This is how you kill an affair and keep it killed.

And for all you know, repentingman, this man is married. You need to find that out.

Why the alias of repentingman? What are you repenting for?

I failed to meet all of my wifes emotional needs not just one or two but all 5 of her top needs. and that is what drove her to make contact with him. I know it is on her that she made contact but had I meet at least one of those needs I might not be in this boat. however, had she not made contact and threatened to leave I doubt I would have seen the error of my ways and decided to change. That is why Im repenting. on the other hand My wife never really expressed her unhappiness to me either. we are both at fault in our marriage.

are there any console rs in our area (elkhart, IN) the teach the principles of the marriage builders. My wife really needs someone to talk to. she has no one.

Can you call the MB coaching center?

If you can grab a couple phone sessions with Steve, it would make a world of difference. It's expensive, but very much worth it, in my opinion.

Im sure it would be. One of the needs i failed to me was financial security. I lost my job about 6 months ago. and just got bitter towards my old employer witch turned into lazyness and complacent. I have since got a job but, i havent got enough money for that just yet. but in a few weeks I should be caught up and I will get a couple sessions. providing she hangs in there long enough.

I admit last night sunday My Taker got the better of me and I snapped. she told me that she didnt have romantic feelings for me. (but she did less than a month ago) and she said all the things iv been doing for her and around the house she found annoying. I flipped out. I yelled at her. I was firm and direct and told exactly what I was feeling. made her feel guilty about destroying our daughters life. told her she prolly get with some f'n loser and I would probably marry another crazy b**** I know Bad on my part but once it started coming I couldn't shut it off. we later apologized to each other and the evening was better.

You were firm and direct in shooting yourself in the foot. Remember this the next time you feel yourself losing control of yourself. If you have to apologize, you shouldn't have done it in the first place.

I understand that it's hard not to lose control. I did it more than once. And it wasn't worth it, EVERY TIME.

[/quote] You were firm and direct in shooting yourself in the foot. Remember this the next time you feel yourself losing control of yourself. If you have to apologize, you shouldn't have done it in the first place.

I understand that it's hard not to lose control. I did it more than once. And it wasn't worth it, EVERY TIME. [/quote]

oh I know. I replayed it in my head all day tring to figure out how much damage I had done. the odd thing is she almost seams more receptive to me. kissed me twice this morning before i left for work {lately its just a peck on the check. she texted me to see how my day was going. I usually do that. I dont know. she always been backasswards. You know when ever we would have disagreements she would get upset and not talk to me. i would pry and try to get her to open up but she never would. the only way I found to get her to stop shutting me out was to turn the tables. I would shut her out and she would come begging me to find out what my problem is. same thing that happened last night I got mad she came to find out why and thats when i lost it. what do you guys make of that is that normal women behavior.

I have read most of the posts here and I see that of course you lacked in some areas in meeting your wife's needs, but do not dismiss the fact that your wife lacked barriers around men and opened her feelings to be met by another person.

Yes, you do have to fine tune and become an expert at meeting your wife's needs and she must do the same in return...

You HAVE TO ensure that this affair is killed first or you are SOL!

It has been over 10 mnths :the since my wife's affair and it takes a long time for the "fog" to lift and them to see everything for what it is....

Expose the affair, set precautions and confirm those by you checking on her, and in the meantime assess how you can better meet her needs.

This whole experience has changed my entire life...I sold a new home, moved, lost money and tons of time, but thanks to MB, wife and I are moving through recovery, but not without the direction of Dr.H and the posters here.

im looking into her making contact with the OM again. does anybody know how to retrieve deleted messages from iphone. any body with first hand experience. Iv done a search and found conflicting info. I want hard evidence that she and him can not deny

Have you seen this?
How to Recover Deleted Text from iPhone

well Iphone backup extractor didnt work what a wast of money. I dont know anyway of checking on her. i guess im just gonna have to ask and read her expression and answer. she isnt very good at lying.

if she has stopped talking to the Other guy. and she is calming down. she dosent seam angry at me any more but still wont really look at me. when is the right time to ask her if she is interested in marraige consoling. My God my thoughts are all over the place. I cant even make complete sentences. sorry guys

wow! when did you know you she was over the OM and you could start working on your marraige again.

I worded that wrong. when did you know she was ready to start working on her marraige

when do you know the wife is out of the withdraw stage and in to the conflict stage?

I know Dr. Harley says it typical a 3 week deal we are just entering the 2nd week but was just curious what some of the signs would be

Recovery After an Affair

Are you verifying NC?

What is she doing right now? How is your UA time?