i'm the one that had a 5 minute fling and got pregnant, then had it terminated and denied it for 1 year and now i feel like i'm loseing my life... my daughters won't listen and my husband won't talk to me let alone give me a strait answer on anything... i know what i did was 100% wrong and i am just having a very difficult time living with it, i accused him of so much over our marriage years and he says everything is my fault... and i can't do anything right and i just don't know what to do... please help!

Painful:<P>Where do I begin? Have you read Dr. Harley's material here on the website? It offers an excellent blueprint for beginning to regain control of your life and your marriage. <B>Read it!</B> You'll be glad you did.<P>Also, I highly recommend that you see a counselor. If your H and kids won't go with you, then go by yourself. You need to start dealing with the issue rather than avoiding it, rather than beating yourself up about it.<P>Here are the facts:<P>1) You made a big mistake.<P>2) You're very sorry about it.<P>3) You want to make up for it, but you don't know how.<P>4) You want to get your marriage and family back.<P>Here are the questions:<P>1) Are you truly committed to doing what it takes?<P>2) What are your H's plans? Is he planning to wallow in self-pity? Is he moving toward divorce? What does HE want?<P>Now, you need to take charge of yourself. You can't control HIS feelings, or your kids' feelings, but you CAN control how YOU react and what YOU do from now on.<P>Get professional help. Learn what you need to do to start living a healthy, lovebuster-free life. Even if your H won't be pleasant, at least YOU can employ the MB principles. Who knows, he may come around and forgive you.<P>If you are truly repentent, and if you really want to get your marriage back to where it should be, get started on healing YOU. Your H may or may not come around. Frankly, that's his right. You did a bad thing, and he's hurt by it. If he chooses to wallow in self-pity and to throw it back in your face, then eventually, he's going to regret it because you're only going to take so much of that before you throw up your hands and leave him. It's his right to determine whether HE wants to continue with this marriage. All you can do is be honest with him, show care and genuine concern for him, and try your best to help him make the right decision on whether or not he wants to stay married to you.<P>It ain't gonna be easy. However, if there's one thing I've learned from my W's infidelity, it's that anything worth having is worth WORKING HARD at. You'll get angry, you'll get frustrated, you may even be sad and depressed for a long time. However, if you persist, you may just end up being happier in the long run.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Painful,<P>Listen to what Lone Star says. Excellent advice. Reach out for help. That's what all of us on this MB board are doing. There are some things in life which you cannot endure by yourself. This is one of them.<P>Good luck to you, and keep posting. This is a tremendous support system.

Painful,<P>How old are your children? You implied that they know about this and they don't approve either. As Lone Star pointed out this will be a long process. Reading your post about trying to get your H to see thing from your point of view caused me to stop. At this point he is very hurt. It might be a little hard to get much empathy from him, but if you try to show love and follow many of the principles here you will get your chance. <P>Your H will have to address many things, not the least of which is the state of the marriage before the affair. How long were you involved in the affair. You mentioned 5 minutes, but I am sure that did not constitute the whole affair.<P>Please hang around here there is much good advice and many important things to learn.<P>Good luck and God Bless You